To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees

I went to 6 primary schools growing up, I used to look forward to the moves! Honestly take the job. Stop fretting.

My parents moved internationally all the time. My 5yo has moved several times, once internationally. Children are fine! On the other hand I know someone who asked permission of their children to move and then massive angst when child said no but the parent had already taken the job overseas and they were moving no matter what- parents should parent. Children don’t decide these things.

Your son will adapt quickly, he is only seven.

I wish you every success.

Take the job. 100%.

If you have to move hopefully you have the luxury of getting to choose where you live so you can get the school you want for him. He will be fine and if you move over the summer he just starts somewhere new as the school year starts.

Please don’t worry. That sort of age in primary is fine to move. I moved my son in year 4 (due to diabolical school) and he’s quite anxious and I worried, but he loved being the new boy and he had lots of time to settle in ahead of going to secondary (he’s year 6 now).

Given the medical story etc you have to move. He will be fine. And you’ll be creating long term opportunities for the family.

He’ll be fine, just move. I think guilt is making you melodramatic.

Congrats on the job offer.

I wouldn't uproot the kids for a job that is that local. Appreciating it's difficult as you don't drive but plenty of people work regionally/nationally and travel. I would arrange wrap around care and commute until you know you actually like it and it is what you want it to be.

He’s 7. Barely got going, will adapt easily and forget old school very quickly.

OP, moving house is going to cost you A LOT of money. Stamp duty, legal fees, survey fees, mortgage application fees, redemption fees, removal fees etc etc etc. Thousands of pounds.

Is there a way that you can figure out a better public transport route? Do the company offer lift sharing? Can you join a lift share group outside work? Could you get a taxi for one leg of the journey, or one part of the 2 public transport connections also, bloody hell are taxis really that expensive? Any friends/neighbours/school parents travel that way?

You could walk 15 miles in less than 4 hours, I'm sure the mn hive mind could find a solution and alternative travel suggestions if you were able to post the locations?

Take the job! For yourself. But also to teach your son that his needs don't trump the women in his life. That you are a successful woman who deserves a career. He might struggle with the change at first but he'll be fine. Remember your success is the family's success and he will be proud of you.

I moved my 3 DC oldest being 7 at the time to the other side of the world for my dream job. Everything was fine kids adapted well.

Your DS probably will feel sad about leaving his friends, but he'll make new ones very quickly and soon forget about how sad he felt.

Put it this way, your DS will get over moving schools a lot quicker than you'll get over turning down your dream job. And a more satisfied, happy mum will also benefit him.

I have twins and I had to move DS because of his additional needs (long story). This meant that I had to pull DD out of the school and move her too, even though she was happy and settled (she was a selective mute and autistic so moving was a huge deal for her). This was in Easter of Y1 in primary. They were totally fine - and they're both autistic and HATE change.

Over the years in primary, lots of new starters joined at various points. They all settled in quickly and made friends.

It's lovely that you care about your DS's feelings but honestly, you'd be mad to turn down such a great opportunity for this reason.

We are the same position of thinking about moving our child at year 3.

It has felt like a black cloud above me for the last few months.

The few friends I’ve mentioned it to don’t think it’s a big deal at all, and even DH is not as affected. However it is honestly the hardest decision I have ever made in my life!

Take the job. Take the job. This could change the rest of your life and your career.

Your DS is young enough to adapt and it isn't a crucial stage of his schooling.

If you don't do it, perhaps you would resent it, Jim?

Take the job! Your DH supports it.

I moved schools at 7 years old and was crying and upset at leaving my best friend. Still saw my best friend for years and years. Went to a much nicer school and made lots of friends. I was much happier than st my first school. It’s absolutely doable.

I would also say take the job. You may end up very resentful if you don't and have huge regrets.
My school run is 30 minutes-it's do-able. Can your husband do the school run for the summer term and see if it works for him? Is a childminder an option or after school club so your son can remain at the school? There will be ways round it to make it work somehow.

I relocated last year with dc8. They were sad to leave friends, but after a month stopped talking about them and had made new friends. It's a bonus that new school is a nicer, friendlier and better school.

Take the job!! He'll adjust, he's only little. Promise him that he can still see his school pals at the weekend and do everything you can to make that a reality.

This is your dream job. A job that could well be for life. In 4 years time when he's at secondary, in 12 years time when he's at university / apprenticeship / work, in 20 year's time when he'll (hopefully!) have moved out.... And you, you'll be doing your job! Your job that you love! Such a shame to give up on that so he can stay where he is for 4 more years. He could turn around in a year and say he doesn't like school because doesn't like new teacher or has fallen out with pals.

I do understand how you feel, I considered not moving because DS loves his nursery so much. Had to give my head a wobble and remember that he's only little and will love another one too. Still feel awful, obviously, and it makes me actually cry thinking about him not seeing them again but you sometimes have to do something that feels wrong in the short term so that everyone in the family benefits in the long run. You're important too, and a happier mum can only be a good thing for your son.

I voted YANBU but I’m torn. Does your son have to move schools? Is there a way to keep him where he is? If not he’s young enough I feel he would adapt to a move and maybe you make it seem exciting. But couldn’t you learn to drive and commute?? This would be the best option I think. It’s not far to drive to. Many people commute further....

Take the job. It's one move and your DS is young. It's not like he's 14. He'll be fine, even happier if you are. I got moved around loads, too much isn't great, but he will learn from this experience and probably gain confidence IMO. Your gain is potentially much greater than his loss!

Access to Work will fund taxis not just buses etc. Have you checked theres not a bus that goes down the motorway? There’s quite a few go through my very small town into the nearest city. Also look into lift shares, 2hrs to go 15 miles seems excessively long.

Could you do breakfast club and after school club to allow for more time to get there and then on to work (for you or DH)?

Could you get a quote for a regular taxi service to see if it's feasible?

Is there anyone locally who could take you to work or take your son to school?

RAF family kids move every 3-4 years (I was one of them) and adapt fairly quickly at that age. I wrote to some of the friends I left behind each time until it ran its course and I had new friends. Go for it!

My son moved schools at 7 and loves his new school much more than his previous one. He still speaks to the kids from his previous school. Have they got phones or xboxes/playstations they can all add one another on?

I don’t have children and didn’t move school as a child so can’t comment on the main thread.

OP I can’t drive either for medical reasons.

For those people saying take the job and commute two hours is a long time on public transport. It can so easily go wrong which you wouldn't want with a new job. That is particularly true if you are not in London which has a great public transport system.