Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

[TheTakeawayDilemma]

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end

I would say the most important thing is to really try not to go nuclear on it. It’s like anything, if you go from 0 to 100 in one go, it’s too much, you can’t stick to it, so you end up back at 0.

Go for a takeaway every other day, rather than every day to never. Then after a few weeks move it to every 3rd day etc etc. Slow and small changes are the ones that actually make a sustainable difference. Good luck!

Hello. I frequently get overwhelmed by the crap in my house and just don't know where to start. I hate cooking. I particularly hate cooking for my children 2 of who have ASD and have food issues relating. I am so so tired. I dont sleep. I work part time but in a massively stressful job, meeting my children's very disparate emotional needs is impossible, I am burnt out in every possible direction. I have accepted ready meals/pizza etc are ok. They will eat them. I give them (a very limited range) of vegetables. They eat fruit. They don't appear to have scurvy, are growing and are not overweight. Its not great . Its not the parenting I envisaged but we survive. I recently started doing 5 mins a day tidying. I put the radio on. I set a timer. I can do more if I want but its ok to stop after 5 mins, I usually do about 10. In a month thats 5 hours. It has made a difference. I feel better and less overwhelmed. Tiny tiny steps, and a lowish but acceptable and available bottom line where anything else is a bonus.

Apparently it’s very easy to get banned from take away delivery apps. Maybe look at getting your account suspended

"Start off by getting easy food from the supermarket- pizzas, curry boxes, meal deal lunches, ready meals, snack foods etc.

It's not healthy but better than takeaways."

Doesn't have to be unhealthy. Soups in packets or tins are pretty healthy and not necessarily full of preservatives and additives.

I don't cook much OP and if I do, I make sure I cook for quite a few days so I only have to do it once a week. The rest of the time I have things like sandwiches, salad (can be ready prepared or at least a bag of mixed leaves), something quick in the microwave (last night had microwaved aubergine with grated cheese on top, the cheese bought already grated).

I really don't think things like Hello Fresh are good for people going from no cooking at all.

Seems like lots of people here have fallen for the magical willpower myth.

All of these little tips about trying Hello Fresh and following internet celebrities who supposedly help you clean are fine I guess but - if you are, as you say, spending up to £400 per week on takeaways and never cleaning, then I think this should be the first step: www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/depression-anxiety-self-assessment-quiz/

" We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us."

I wouldn't expect someone who works 6 days a week to have a tidy home to be honest. You should only be doing that if you really need to or you're very well rewarded, in which case can't you get a cook?

@BarbaraofSeville

Agree with this. I'd also add a baked omelette/flan to the list of healthy but quick things to cook - I just whisk a few eggs, and a bit of cheese, chilli flakes and whatever else is in the fridge, and bung in the oven in a shallow dish. You can then relax while it cooks and eat with some salad

Or you could just cook it in the frying pan in about 2 minutes, which is less time than it takes the oven to heat up, let alone cook it.

But you have to watch it the whole time. The OP is overworked and knackered, she doesnt need to be watching a pan, even if only for 5 mins.

If it were me, I'd ask my husband to take a few days off to help me sort out the house. I'd get easy meals in the shop like, pasta in tomato sauce and sweetcorn, jacket potatoes with tuna and mayo. Chicken curry (tikka sauce in a jar) spag bol, sausage, mash and cabbage and fish &chips. All are really easy and quick to make. Take turns cooking and put the rota on the fridge. Please don't bother with the sticker chart that was suggested by a poster! I personally wouldn't find that motivating, at all.

Make DH head of food for a while and the m & s meal thing is a good stepping stone.

Pizza and salad
Soup and bread
Ready meals with veg you can steam in microwave
Fish/chicken ready cooked, salad and cous cous

Etc. Wont kill you to start with and you can get out of takeaway cycle. Maybe on your day off you can cook a couple of meals (one for that night, leftovers next day, and dinner for next night)

Then just try and do 15 mins bursts every morning or evening. Stick on an album and set a timer and both of you tackle a hotspot. Don't get analysis paralysis, just go!

One month's takeaways would pay for a professional Life Laundry/Declutterer to come and spend a few days sorting out your house from top to bottom. Honestly they do an incredible job and they can just slice through all the confusion and brain fog caused by living in chaos.

Once your house is sorted, swap your daily take out to a regular Cook delivery of 7 meals that you just bung in the freezer until you need them. Still expensive, but half the price of takeaways (and healthier). With the money you're saving get a cleaner to come once or twice a week - you'll never need to clean your own bathroom again (our cleaner even changes all our bedding once a week).

Cleaner 2 hours a week = £120-£150pm
Ironing sent out = £30pm
Hello Fresh/Gousto/All plants/COOK = £200pm
Breakfast/lunches supermarket = £120pm
Total = £500approx

As opposed to £1800 (minimum) on just takeaways. The cleaner coming will force you to tidy. Don’t make your life hard.

@k1233

Ironing - the best thing I've ever done is dry clothes on hangers and put straight into the wardrobe when dry. I only iron in the morning what I plan to wear. Quickly gets rid of one bit of work.

I started doing this and haven't ironed a thing in months or my partner hasn't as he does it, really is a game changer. My upstairs hallway looks like a laundry for a 1 day a week whilst it all dries but it's all so easy to put away, uniforms ready to go, shirts and t-shirts all fine and wrinkle free if you straighten them out whilst damp.

I have had Long Covid and I have to say our takeaway usage was creeping up.

I think you need to do this in baby steps and reward yourself for each goal achieved.

Posted too soon!

So for example for a couple of weeks you aim for 2 takeaway free days. Make it easy for yourself by using Cook, ready meals or something like stir fry and noodles that can be whipped up in 5 min. I wouldn't go for Hello Fresh type boxes at this point as while they are convenient they still take a level of prep that might make you feel you can't be bothered with it if feeling tired.

I second using The Organised Mum Method. There is even an app which makes it really easy to follow.

Good Luck

Hey all,

So I did something I haven’t done in 8 years - I have pulled a sickie and asked to go home at 10.30. To be fair, I wasn’t lying when I told them I feel unwell. I haven’t stopped thinking about the state of my house and my life, and only had a few hours sleep.

As soon as I walked in the door I cleared the porch. Binned all the junk mail, put unopened letters in a pile to sort this afternoon, tidied up all coats and shoes and gave everything a really good wipe down.

It’s a small start but I already feel a huge wave of relief just getting that little space done. I’m going to make something to eat (I have a cupboard full of stuff that never gets touched), have a coffee, put some music on and start on the next room.

That sounds great OP! Try and carry this on over the weekend. I promise having a tidier house will make you feel a million times better.
Whenever I am feeling down the tidying goes out of the window, which makes me more down and there’s no clean plates etc so cooking is harder so I eat junk and feel more down so it’s a vicious cycle.so I always try and force myself to clean and music always helps

If I was you I wouldn’t worry about cooking things from scratch right now you could just buy a load of frozen meals and just focus on the tidying. You can cook a frozen pizza quicker than you can order one so it’s just breaking the habit of coming home tired and ordering takeaway. Once the house is sorted you can start cooking from scratch.

Another one to recommend Dana K White a slob comes clean. She does not recommend the Marie kondo method as pulling it all out and then getting distracted means you end up with a bigger mess.
I would start with easy ready meals - a lot cheaper than takeaway. Eat some fruit and veg sticks. Tackle cardboard Amazon boxes etc one evening. Put one wash load on in evening and put on maiden overnight. Next night cold or iron . A lot of this can be done while watching tv just don’t lie on the settee. Stand up and iron while watching tv or crush up the Amazon boxes and get them in the recycling. Do dishes every night. Empty bin every night.
Put up a timetable of basic household jobs and do them and kick his arse to do them as well.

@TheTakeawayDilemma

Hey all,

So I did something I haven’t done in 8 years - I have pulled a sickie and asked to go home at 10.30. To be fair, I wasn’t lying when I told them I feel unwell. I haven’t stopped thinking about the state of my house and my life, and only had a few hours sleep.

As soon as I walked in the door I cleared the porch. Binned all the junk mail, put unopened letters in a pile to sort this afternoon, tidied up all coats and shoes and gave everything a really good wipe down.

It’s a small start but I already feel a huge wave of relief just getting that little space done. I’m going to make something to eat (I have a cupboard full of stuff that never gets touched), have a coffee, put some music on and start on the next room.

Yessssss, good work OP :) mental health sick days are just as valid as any other sick days

Woo @TheTakeawayDilemma well done.

"It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish," as Sam Gamgee's gaffer used to say. Well done for starting to take control. That feeling of helplessness when you're overwhelmed can also be very draining, once you just start doing something it often frees up mental energy to do the next thing. Take care.

I would use your nice day off to organise yourself, go through finances to see what’s going on and what you can afford to spend on food and items and possibly a cleaner.

Is there anything you can do to improve your work life balance, like get a different job or move closer to work or see if you could homework one day a week each?

I would also make a large vat of one meal one day a week such as curry, chilli, or a pasta sauce and freeze portions. Also things like brand on toast for dinner aren’t the end of the world or a jacket potato. Both require very little cooking effort.

@TheTakeawayDilemma

Hey all,

So I did something I haven’t done in 8 years - I have pulled a sickie and asked to go home at 10.30. To be fair, I wasn’t lying when I told them I feel unwell. I haven’t stopped thinking about the state of my house and my life, and only had a few hours sleep.

As soon as I walked in the door I cleared the porch. Binned all the junk mail, put unopened letters in a pile to sort this afternoon, tidied up all coats and shoes and gave everything a really good wipe down.

It’s a small start but I already feel a huge wave of relief just getting that little space done. I’m going to make something to eat (I have a cupboard full of stuff that never gets touched), have a coffee, put some music on and start on the next room.

👏

Very exciting to see this update. Look forward to hearing more about the progress that you make.

@TheTakeawayDilemma well done on taking the first step. Couple more small things that have helped me - set a timer for a set time (it can be 5 mins) and rush around doing stuff. Also it sounds odd but using your phone to film a time lapse of you cleaning the kitchen can be really motivating too! And something my counsellor said - ‘act as if’ - so rather than waiting till motivation appears, just start behaving like a tidier person and build momentum from there

My variation of the timer thing is to clean until what's in the oven is cooked. I admit to finding it hard to get up once I'm sat down so it works well for me.

Well done and I'd push you to call in sick again tomorrow and sort more stuff, you really will benefit from this mentally that it is technically sick leave.

Good luck x

@TheTakeawayDilemma

Hey all,

So I did something I haven’t done in 8 years - I have pulled a sickie and asked to go home at 10.30. To be fair, I wasn’t lying when I told them I feel unwell. I haven’t stopped thinking about the state of my house and my life, and only had a few hours sleep.

As soon as I walked in the door I cleared the porch. Binned all the junk mail, put unopened letters in a pile to sort this afternoon, tidied up all coats and shoes and gave everything a really good wipe down.

It’s a small start but I already feel a huge wave of relief just getting that little space done. I’m going to make something to eat (I have a cupboard full of stuff that never gets touched), have a coffee, put some music on and start on the next room.

Well done. I wouldn’t think of it as a ‘sickie’ it’s a genuine sick day as you sound close to burn out. I’d also say take tomorrow, or a days leave to build on what you achieve today.
Once you’ve got it tidy, it’s so much easier to keep it that way. We have a weekly cleaner and having someone to in to clean really focuses our minds on having it tidy too.