Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

[TheTakeawayDilemma]

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end

You could also use some of the money saved to get a laundry service. Laundrapp or whatever. That could help you get rid of the piles of laundry.

One trick I use is that if we have collapsed in front of the tv at night is I get up and tidy during the adverts. There is about 16 mins of ads in an hour and I dedicate one ad break to one room. It's remarkably effective.

It's tough and all too easy path to fall down. Write yourself a plan of what you want to achieve. Small bitesize chunks that are achievable. Don't set big targets or you'll end up feeling worse if you don't stick to them. Tick them off as you go and you'll soon start to see progress.

Good luck. You're not along feeling like this. If you can afford it get help to give the house a blitz and then maintain from there.

I have been in a similar position to you guys. I haven't gone down the takeaway route but ended up eating a mixture of ready meals and easy meals for months. The house used to turn into a tip, I was living in squalor.

In terms of the house, there's no easy solution for getting on top of it, but once you're on top of it you need to find a method that works for you. My problem was keeping the place tidy, and not being tidy meant it was harder to keep clean. I ummed and ahhed for literally years, but in the end I found myself a cleaner. I HAVE to tidy before she comes so I tidy up completely a minimum of once a week. It doesn't matter how tired I am that night or how late I finish - I have to do it. Then once it's tidy and clean I keep it tidier more easily the rest of the time.

With those hours I would get on top of the takeaway problem using ready meals and super easy meals like jacket potatoes or pasta and sauce. I can set my oven on a timer in the morning so it comes on in the evening and my jacket potato is just nearly done when I get home. Thinking you'll cook elaborate meals in the week is a recipe for disaster.

In the long term is there anything you can both do to make your hours more sane? In the end I changed industry completely because I just couldn't keep living like that. Life is for living. I've been working stupid hours again recently due to the pandemic but that's for a very good cause so I am putting up with it!

In the nicest possible way OP you need to get a handle on this. And it's all very well posters being nice and supportive but you need to sort it. I like a takeaway as much as the next person but every day is ridiculous and not even a treat.

I'd start by shoving a wash on. Takes 10 mins tops. Then clean your kitchen sides and get rid of the rubbish. Go to the supermarket and buy enough food for today and tomorrow. I'd go for something like M and S two dine in for a tenner type thing. It's still processed food and still not good for you but better and cheaper than takeaway.

While the food is in the oven, put your wash to dry and shove another one on. Get dh to start to clean the bathroom. And change your bedding. Clean bathroom, kitchen and bed makes a huge difference.

Then on the next day off you have, do a meal plan and go shopping. Put the shopping away and start cleaning your house. Take a room each and don't stop until it's done.

You presumably manage to do set tasks at work, so treat your home and your diet like a work project.

@Pootles34

If you're spending £30 a day, I reckon you could get someone to come in whilst you're at work and cook you a nice meal, and deal with the laundry/house. I've never had someone like that but imagine 2 hours would be reasonable 2/3 times a week?

The OP said they’re putting it on credit cards. This is not money they have available to spend!

@BlueLobelia

One trick I use is that if we have collapsed in front of the tv at night is I get up and tidy during the adverts. There is about 16 mins of ads in an hour and I dedicate one ad break to one room. It's remarkably effective.

I love that idea.

Go onto ready meals instead of takeaways. Much cheaper. Use the money you saved on a cleaner. Then when you are a bit more organised you can think about cooking from scratch starting off once or twice a week.

I would start on your house, will make a real difference to your mental health.

A room at a time, I would start with your lounge!

4 bags- bin, charity, attic, sale

@TheTakeawayDilemma

This is all such helpful advice, I really am so grateful everyone.

Unfortunately we don’t get Bank Holidays off and it’s almost impossible to get holiday in our roles at the moment, so on our day off we generally catch up on sleep. But even with the long hours we can spare 15 minutes to declutter while there’s a pizza in the oven or something.

To the PP who said we are just burnt out and overwhelmed, I think that’s exactly it. It’s really hard to know where to start when you feel like that but this thread has really motivated me to start somewhere (however small). Thank you

It's good that you recognized the problem. As someone who also has been in this burnout stage this is my advice:

• if cooking is too much right now, limit takeaways to 1-2 days a week for now and buy ready meals (pizza, lasagne, cottage pie)
• the above should still save you time - start decluttering, both of you do 15 mins each day minimum. Often once you start you keep going
• use your day off as a bulk declutter day for a few hours & reward yourself with something nice on that day

Once you've cleaned up physically, mentally it should get easier too. Slowly move from takeaways/ready meals to cooking (or hello fresh like PP mentioned) and use spare money to get a cleaner.

Try to make time (even though it's hard) for meditation/yoga/walks - even if it's just 10/15 mins a day.

If you really have to, take some sick leave if you can. Your mental health is important and it sounds like you need a break.

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

In a typical day we’re up at 5am, out by 6 and then not back home until 7pm, sometimes 8pm

With these hours, I'd give up any idea of being able to cook properly during the week and focus on eating healthier options that cost much less.

• Healthy microwave meals. Add a prepared salad.
• Sling chicken kiev, salmon fillets or breaded fish in the oven (20-25 mins) and eat with a side salad.
• Scrambled eggs with smoked salmon on toast. Takes minutes to make.
• Batch cook a few things at the weekend (chilli etc.) and heat up with microwave rice or fresh pasta.

I think you've got to be realistic about how much energy you have. In your shoes, I'd spend any spare energy tidying and sorting the mess so you can get a cleaner in rather than cooking. You'll feel so much more in control with a clean house.

Agree with this. I'd also add a baked omelette/flan to the list of healthy but quick things to cook - I just whisk a few eggs, and a bit of cheese, chilli flakes and whatever else is in the fridge, and bung in the oven in a shallow dish. You can then relax while it cooks and eat with some salad.

You need to find out the root cause.
Can you cook? Or is it just easier to get a takeaway?
I'd start with just buying prepared food. Stuff you can just stick in the oven/microwave, it doesn't need to be healthy, you just need to break the habit of reaching for the delivery app and you can worry about nutrition once that's done.

Agree with others who say to use little focused bursts of time to do specific tasks eg empty dw while boiling kettle, clean kitchen bin while microwave meal is heating, 5 mins of tidying while talking on phone.

You can get a timer plug for the slow cooker for when you’re out long hours. Really handy! Good luck with making the changes

Hi OP, I have previously lived with a would be hoarder and I would recommend:

Book a week off or at least try to get a long weekend ASAP, ideally both together.
Book a slot at the tip (assuming we still have to book?).
Spend one day just getting the boxes and stuff out of your house and into the tip.

Book a cleaner to come and work with you for (half a) day once all the boxes are gone.
Lots of cleaners will also do ironing if thats an issue behind the piles of laundry everywhere?
I know some people worry about cleaners (AM I A TERRIBLE HUMAN etc) but honestly the most judgemental person you'll ever encounter is yourself so just get over it! :-) You don't have to hire them regularly if don't want to. Many cleaners will do a one off deep clean, it's a really normal thing.
Its such a psychological boost to have a clean(er) house. I think you will start to feel much better as soon as you do this.
Ideally as I say you take slightly longer off so that you have a few days to enjoy the nice clean(er) house before back to work!

For ongoing chores I find it easiest to have a routine so we dont have to make decisions all the time which can add to feeling of being overwhelmed. e.g. for laundry, put a wash on Thursdays and Sundays. That's it, no thinking required. For kitchen, spend 5 mins clearing worktops and putting dishwasher on before bed.

For food, agree 100% with others, start with "healthier" ready meals and maybe have one day at weekend where you batch book a bigger meal that you can freeze half of for a "ready meal" later in the week. As someone says above, even moving from takeaway to ready meal will more than enough for the cleaner.

I would also really recommend taking morning walk if you don't already. Get some fresh air, bit of exercise, see something other than inside of your house. I think in a situation like this, routine is key as so much of the worrying comes from "should I do this shouldnt I do this I wish I did this when should I do this...." - takes up so much energy.

Good luck and even if you can only do one action a day it will soon add up.

Agree with this. I'd also add a baked omelette/flan to the list of healthy but quick things to cook - I just whisk a few eggs, and a bit of cheese, chilli flakes and whatever else is in the fridge, and bung in the oven in a shallow dish. You can then relax while it cooks and eat with some salad

Or you could just cook it in the frying pan in about 2 minutes, which is less time than it takes the oven to heat up, let alone cook it.

Absolutely zero judgment from me OP. I know only too well how easy it is to fall into bad habits. I don’t find stuff like meal planning easy at all - I’m autistic and ADHD and even with medication for the latter it’s something I’ve not managed yet.

I have only skimmed the first page so far but I definitely agree with what others have said about not banning yourself totally.

You’d be more than welcome on the fledgling thread over on housekeeping and there are decluttering and hoarder threads too - all very friendly, supportive and non judgmental groups where we help each other get our houses in order 💜

I'll say again, don't make it daunting. You might last a week, possibly even two, but you will stop. Change is sustainable when it is small. It's not sustainable when it's overwhelming.

I work similar hours to you, so know your fatigue and exhaustion and the need to prioritise rest on your days off.

Anything is better than nothing. I talked through my cleaning issues (spare room was a bomb site) with my coach and he was the one to say just open the door and put one thing away. After that you have permission to stop. If you both commit to 15 mins a day, that's 1/2 hr of cleaning and will make a huge difference before you know it. Work in the same area as it feels good when a whole room is finally done.

I agree with starting in the kitchen as it will help you start cooking. Don't expect the world of yourself. Start small and build on it. As I've gotten my rooms back under control, 15 mins will clean the room, so it becomes easier to maintain.

I also like the ready meals suggestion. Makes it so much easier when you get in late.

In terms of 15 minutes at a time which is great advice if you arent able to take longer time off, strongly recommend setting a timer for this. Something (for me, maybe I'm a weirdo) much more motivating about knowing the clock is ticking and I only have to do xx more minutes. We've all been there (many of us, anyway). It gets better. You'll be great!

Ironing - the best thing I've ever done is dry clothes on hangers and put straight into the wardrobe when dry. I only iron in the morning what I plan to wear. Quickly gets rid of one bit of work.

both of you should take a week, maybe two, off work to declutter/spring clean the house. During that time get a weekly food shop delivery and plan out quick and easy meals to make every night. Its about breaking the habit and using your time to make healtier and happier choices. Hope you find the right way for you :)

Stop the delivery app; save £400 a week. With that money hire a declutterer to sort out the mess in your house.

If you can't get supermarket delivery slots, try booking Click & Collect instead, at a Tesco or similar. We are a family of three adults and have done a weekly C & C since lockdown began in March 2020 instead of shopping, instore, once a week. We book three slots in advance and finalise each week's order a couple of days before collection.

Some de cluttering tips (and I was verging on hoarding at the start of lockdown in March, much better now although still not "there"):
Clear/tidy on surface and do not allow any more clutter etc to be put on it. Tackle one drawer/space at a time so it's not overwhelming.
Eg, for me, I did a plan for living room which was something like
Monday: Clear mantlepiece
Tuesday: Clear coffee table
etc etc
Once that space is clear, don't let anything else be put on it, or clear it off right away.
At the same time, I was making sure to throw/donate 5 things a day. Anything. Old papers etc counted in my 5.
A week made a huge difference, and I was spending maybe 15-30 minutes a day only.

There is nothing on this earth like a skip/skip bag to make you start cleaning stuff out. As for the laundry, that's the first thing you can tackle. It sounds like you are crazy busy but make the tiniest goals everyday and be proud of every little thing that goes in the bin. Don't start on the craziest rooms, go to a more manageable one and start making piles where you don't really sort through, just clothes in one pile, books/magazines in another, etc. rubbish in a black bin bag. In the worst room sweep everything into one corner and work from there. Open the windows wash the sheets. It might take weeks but don't give up and check back into us to let us know so we can cheer you on. You can totally do this. Ps at my unhealthier I always feel one bottle of water and one apple makes me feel like I'm at least doing something to head towards being healthier, a lot of this is a mind shift (from someone who had to give up fizzy drinks because they were becoming her only drink) Best of luck OP!