Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

[TheTakeawayDilemma]

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end

TBH it sounds like you are short on sleep and the "executive function issues" (knowing very well what you SHOULD do but not doing it) come from that.
Unplug the telly for a week, and set your phones to power on and off automatically at certain times.

Order in a week of M&S ready meals then stick all the money cards in something opaque in the freezer.

Re-evaluate after a week.

Get a cleaner. It’s the best money we’ve spent. I was feeling overwhelmed with the clutter and chaos in our house and no matter how much I did never got on top of things. The cleaner had helped so much, she’s been coming once a week for a month and the change to our home is wonderful. I even saw the bottom of our laundry basket yesterday.
It’s so much easier to keep a tidy place clean and do little jobs as you go. So I would seek help to do the big clean/ decluttering.

For food no real advice as we’ve fallen down the supermarket ready meals at the minute.

Congratulations on your fantastic start!!

You can do this. Baby steps.

To make your "sickie" believable I think you'll have to have Thursday and Friday off too :)

I also think you should take another day or two off. It’s beneficial for your mental health.

Agree about a cleaner! Ours comes every Wed morning & it makes us do a tidy-up on Tues as I’d rather she spent her time cleaning rather than tidying.

Well, today has been incredibly productive so far.
Entrance hall sparkling
Cupboard under the stairs pulled out and sorted (turns out what I thought was a huge job was 99% plastic bags )
I’ve decluttered all the coffee table and TV table drawers and cleared my dining table (a hotspot for mess).
I have two bin bags and a charity shop bag good to go.

I’m physically tired but mentally feel very switched on, so going to clear the kitchen a little bit ready for DH to come home with his M&S ready meal haul. I’ll take on the kitchen cupboards another time!

To those saying take another sick day, I think I could probably just about get away with tomorrow and at least try to finish downstairs but I will need to go in Friday and possibly Saturday. I’m hoping with the momentum of today and tomorrow, I’ll want to keep going by Sunday and tackle upstairs with DH in tow.

I honestly can’t thank you all enough for the tips. I’ve been listening to A Slob Comes Clean podcast all afternoon and printed out some bits from the organised mum too, for DH and I to split tasks/get a routine going (I couldn’t get my head around Fly Lady’s blog)!

I’m hoping with some more organisation it’ll help with other things like my general mood and energy levels. I know that some PPs mentioned depression and tbh it’s something I’ve considered may be an issue so I’ll see if I can at least get a telephone drs appointment.

Thank you once again everyone. I’m looking forward to putting my feet up in my far less cluttered living room tonight.

Brilliant job OP.

Well done
I'm trying to do a cupboard on a day off and it's surprising how much better I feel! We've booked a dump run too so we know we can fill up the car and get rid of some of our crap.

Keep up the good work

Well done, that sounds amazing!!

Glad things are going better.

Your hours at work sounds awful! And not at all sustainable for a healthy life style. Could you move jobs or look for something with less hours?

Ease yourself into cooking for yourself by buying prepared meals you can microwave - still not great but better and cheaper than take aways. For the house, make a plan together of what you are going to do first - dont plan to do the whole house in one go - pick a room, or a job and do that. Make sure you limit yourself to one or two things so it is not overwhelming. Once you have started, it will be a lot easier to keep going.

Hi OP, I'm not sure if it's been suggested yet, but could you check out some food prep companies in your area? I'm in Manchester and there's lots of healthy meal prep places that do meal prep at £4-5 per dish. When I lived alone, I used to get 10 a week at a cost of £40. They did me for work days and I only had to sort breakfast. That would work out cheaper than what you're doing now. What it also did for me was give me ideas for healthy meals that I could prep and freeze myself.

Well done on the steps you've already taken today in sorting out the house. You must feel so much better for it xx

Brilliant job OP. So proud of you!

If I could offer one more piece of advice - does your OH know how you have been feeling, crying at night etc? If they don't, perhaps you could make that one of your jobs for tomorrow, to confide in them. I do think its important you get emotional support because yes a lot of what you describe could overlap with depression. And even if it's not officially depression, I think your partner would want to know how low you've been feeling, if they don't already.

I also find flylady quite overhwelming, but one thing that stuck was the idea of identifying hotspots and spending two minutes on them a day. Alright I don't manage every single day, but more days than not! Someone else (maybe on here or else on some blog??) talked about living with depression and trying to do things in the evening that you know will make the next day that bit easier, a way of giving your future self a small act of kindness. For me that's tidying away the kitchen. For you it might be getting work clothes ready (5am start OMG) or cleaning the bathroom mirror. Pay yourself forward.

I hope you have a restful night's sleep. Brighter days ahead!

Amazing work! Hope you’re proud of yourself

Think organised mum is easier than flylady, good idea re Doc appointment

Having seen the hours you and your oh work, I can easily see why this came about. Honestly I wouldn't feel too badly op, your hours are brutal. Everyone needs some time to do basic life management such as food shopping, cooking, cleaning. It's great you've pulled a sickie (never thought I would find myself writing that sentence!) but what will happening in the future to allow you both time for basic chores and a bit of necessary relaxation for yourselves?

I'd take another day off and get more sorted today- it's clearly given you a huge boost. Well done.

The Cook and M&S meals are a good shout too. It's just getting back into good habits.

Me too. Sick leave tends to be more believable too if you take two days off. 😃

@Bluntness100

I think 2 days sickness plus 1 day recovery !!

Well done op.

Putting takeaways on credit cards?? You're mad...

The housework thing - it sounds as though it's become one insurmountable task abc you don't know where to start. Sit down and list out the rooms in your house. Make every day a particular day for one or two rooms, keeping the easier ones for your busiest days. Then you can say Monday is bathroom day eg. And just do those rooms, not feeling guilty about the others. I would start with the laundry. Gather it all up, sort it into colours and put it right next to the washing machine. Have it on as many times as you need to get it all done, hopefully the weather will be good so you can hang it all out. Then fold it into a basket as it comes off the line and put it straight away into drawers etc.

While each load is going, work on the kitchen - clear surfaces etc. Because the chances are that if the kitchen isn't coean and tidy that's the main barrier to cooking in it. Google some easy recipes and start a folder of those and start to build a staple of herbs and spices etc as you go. You'll get into it soon! Oh and Alexa in the kitchen for your favourite feel good songs as you work!

So happy to read your latest post OP, I could feel your relief and sense of achievement.

Good job OP sounds like you're making a real difference.

I am a bit concerned though that the only way you can do it is by calling in sick to work. The core issue is that 7-7 5 days a week for both of you sounds unsustainable. Can anything be done about that ?

Morning all,

Thanks for the kind words!

Last night DH got a few days worth of M&S ready meals and ready to cook veg etc. He was surprised at the house and also feeling motivated to get stuff sorted (I think it was a case of getting the ball rolling as he was overwhelmed too).

I’ve got another sick day so I’m going to tackle the kitchen and laundry today - thank god for sunshine finally.

I’m hoping some kitchen cupboard organisation will inspire me food wise. I used to love to cook, but the intensity of work over the last couple of years has sucked the joy out of it for me.

We have also agreed that for every day we don’t get a takeaway, we’ll put £10 each onto our credit cards up to £50 each a week. That way we’re paying off our debt at the same time.

As for the work situation, I know it’s terrible for both of us right now. We’re both so close to serious promotions that would change our lives financially that I think we have both just refused to admit that there’s anything out there but work, we just have no balance. I’m already anxious that my first sick days in forever are going to go against me, but I also know we can’t live like this forever. What started as needing to de clutter the house and eat better has got us both thinking more seriously about how we live as a whole, so thank you everyone.