Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

[TheTakeawayDilemma]

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end

How about start with small steps, cook 2 meals one week, 3 the next, 4 the next… when it gets too much stop increasing for a while. I’d cook easy food, jacket potato, tray bakes (chicken, peppers, onion, sweet potato all on the same tray), wok meals, less washing up, which sounds like it would put you off.

Start slowly. Delete apps. Go to your fav supermarket or Amazon and bulk order ready meals. Buy loads of fruit and easy to eat pre-prepared veg. Then take it from there. Honestly you just need to get a grip and it should be okay.

Or first thing in the morning when you have good intentions, buy 5 days’ worth of some readyish meals that you can stick in the oven and salad and frozen veg. If it’s in your fridge ready with minimal prep time it’s quicker than waiting for a takeaway. Then reward yourself with a takeaway on the 5 th it 6th day

I definitely agree that you should still ‘reward’ yourselves with a takeaway, maybe Fri and Sat night to start with? The rest of the time just go for easy or quick options like jackets, batch cooked bolognese, that sort of thing.

I think stopping takeaways completely and trying to cook from scratch all the time with Hello Fresh etc is too much to take on and won’t last.

@Bluntness100

Nothing will frustrate you more than having empty boxes with no gold stars

I think that must be very personal it might work for the op but I honestly couldn’t give a shit about getting a gold star. Not since I was about five, and even fhen it was touch and go..😃

@Bluntness100 Have to agree, I feel like this is for a very specific personality type!

Agree with PP about getting a Cook delivery - or even ordering/buying ready meals from the supermarket is going to be cheaper at least.

Could you say next week you'll do 3x take aways and 4x Cook/ready meals, then the week after 2x take aways, 3x Cook meals and one home made meal and gradually build up from there?

Same with the house. It's a long weekend coming up so pick one small job each to do each day, so you'll have tackled six things before back to work on Tuesday. Choose things that won't take long - an hour max - so it's not overwhelming.

Good luck, you can definitely make changes of you start small.

Of course you can change. Start with clearing up some of the clutter. Take a day at a time and try to at least achieve something each day. You can make a simple meal one evening and gradually cut down on the takeaways . Clear something out and have a takeaway the next evening. As others have said there are some healthier takeways/options on the nights you don't cook. You have simply got into a bad habit and are overwhelmed but you can change. The difficulty with a lot of takeaways is they make you crave more of the same and you then feel lethargic. If its bothering you, you are half way there. You can definitely change if you put your mind to it and especially if you want children.

You both have good jobs and work long hours and I imagine you're burnt out and have decision fatigue. It's much much easier to get a takeaway and live off the laundry pile than it is to think about food and put everything away.

We get a bit like this. We're tired and overwhelmed with all the stuff and it's just easier to get a takeaway and leave it.

So, my tips are: meal plan. It's much easier to get a takeaway if you've looked in the fridge and found no inspiration than if you know what you're cooking each day.

Don't cut takeaways out entirely. Give yourselves one or two a week that you can have. Monday and Friday, maybe, or Friday and Saturday? It feels like a drudge if you ban them completely.

Spend a day trying to get on top of things. I find I get into a virtuous cycle - if I get up and start doing things, I have a productive day. If I have a slow start and don't achieve anything early on it's likely I'll spend the day on the sofa. Get clear surfaces and things put away, even if you don't clean - it makes it all much easier to do when you do fancy it rather than feeling like such an insurmountable task.

I’ll admit I’m definitely ‘house manager’ despite working us both having stressful jobs. DH and I have spoken about it before and he promises to do some house management (food shops or whatever else) but then never does. I think I’ve kind of given up waiting for him to do it and this is where we have ended up

oooooohhh dear. I've just come from reading another thread by someone who does absolutely everything for the house and kids, with a fucking useless dead weight potentially abusive husband. Not a new story unfortunately.

Do you think he'll change when kids come along? The evidence from many women's stories on here is not positive.

Choose one thing to tackle, and do it in baby steps.

Personally I’d tackle food first. Maybe agree that you will still have takeaway on Saturday nights. Then book some grocery delivery slots- one a week for the next three weeks. Book them all now, and order easy stuff- ready meals, fresh pasta, even pizzas. That will get you in the habit of cooking again, and then you can start to do more.

Baby steps x

Start by getting similar food for half the price. You can manage a trip to the supermarket to stock up on ready meals that cost £3-5 each instead of £15-30 each! Even Cook (which is so good) is only £4-7. Good supermarkets often do amazing curries or oriental ready meal deals inclusive of rice and sides for about £5 each.

Tackle the pile up for 15 minutes a day - no more. If you both do it, that's 3.5 hours of tidying up each week.

Pick a time - maybe Saturday morning - where you also dedicate 30 mins to filling a charity bag or a box of stuff to recycle or take to the tip so you are doing a clear out as well as sorting.

And remember - everyone (well almost everyone) has let standards slip during lockdown. You'll get them back.

@Ozanj “Honestly you just need to get a grip and it should be okay”

How is that helpful? The OP is obviously struggling so being told to ‘just’ get a grip is not going to help!

I think fancy ready meals are a good first step in weaning yourself off. Cook, Charlie Bingham, M&S, that kind of thing. Build up the cooking slowly, one dinner a week would be a good starting place.

With regards to clutter, buy a load of bin bags and assign one area of the house at a time. Keep that bit nice and gradually the pleasant spaces will grow.

I’m another that couldn’t give a shit about gold stars 😂

Deciding on a meal (especially when hungry) is surprisingly hard.
Start off with meal planning some fast homemade meals. Off the top of my head something like pesto pasta, oven pizza and ready chopped stir fry veggies, stir fry sauce and noodles.
Next day off meal plan say 4 easy home made meals. Suggestion; ravioli from the fresh pasta section
Then next day off plan 5 home made meals with a more complicated one for your day off (say bolognese) and cook double so you have a freezer meal in hand. Another good complicated meal would be a roast as the left over meat can be used the next day. Lots of quick ideas you could do with leftovers like add to a stir fried rice, put in a wrap or roll with some sauce or add to a bowl of ramen.

This is all such helpful advice, I really am so grateful everyone.

Unfortunately we don’t get Bank Holidays off and it’s almost impossible to get holiday in our roles at the moment, so on our day off we generally catch up on sleep. But even with the long hours we can spare 15 minutes to declutter while there’s a pizza in the oven or something.

To the PP who said we are just burnt out and overwhelmed, I think that’s exactly it. It’s really hard to know where to start when you feel like that but this thread has really motivated me to start somewhere (however small). Thank you

I bet this has happened to a lot of people. My dp was eating takeaways most nights of the week at one stage.

Totally agree with small steps. Even if the first step is just one night a week where takeaway is completely off limits.

The other thing that strikes me is that if you’re spending up to £60 between two people (think it’s two?) per takeaway, these must be very nice takeaways. You could swap out some of these for cheap takeaways to help on the financial front. Since cheap takeaways generally aren’t as nice as home cooked food, that might ease the transition to home cooked too. Keep the special takeaways for once a week or fortnight or whatever your goal is.

I think I would both book a week off. Spend 4 days tackling stuff including cleaning out the fridge then if you can afford it book 2 nights away. Have a little break even if just a premier inn then on the last day all you would need to do is wander round m and s for nice ready meals and breads and stuff and put it in your nice clean fridge.
Going forwards a load of laundry overnight. Hung out/on a maiden in the morning and put it away when you get home and have put your tea in the oven. Look on Facebook/shop windows see if you can find someone local that does ironing - a lady near me does a whole basket for a tenner. Then all you need to do is put them away and i find that I want to put them away when they're pristinely ironed.
Washing up-straight after a meal and before you leave for work.
Hoovering-in a morning. We have a cheap cordless hoover that we run round every day then get the big hoover out once a week. Or get a robovac maybe.
Good luck. I find it difficult to motivate myself but this is what works best for me.

Having read your last post I suggest you sit your DH down and explain that he is an adult and so should behave like an adult and do the things he said he would do. Also, if he wants to become a parent that cannot happen unless he is grows up.

For the shopping, it’s a bit easier to get delivery slots now. Maybe book the earliest slot available, even if it’s a few weeks away. Perhaps start with ready meals, prepared veg etc. Once you get some clearing out and have enough head space for preparing nutritional found better than takeaways.

Baby steps op , go and get some shopping tomorrow start with a weeks worth of ready meals for 2 even a supermarket luxury one will be tons cheaper than a takeaway get lots of cleaning stuff too , bin bags bleach ect and start by the first night getting some washing in and writing a plan room by room for the next couple of weeks reward yourselves with a takeaway on a saturday night , I bet if you could follow this for 14 days you would notice a massive different and with the money saved get a cleaner to keep on top of your day to day. You both have busy jobs your home needs to be your chill zone , good luck xx

You could get the "dine in for 2" meals from M & S for £12. Stock up on a week's worth at a time?
Or think of a couple of quick easy meals (bolognese, fajitas, steak and chips?) and decide to have those on 2 nights next week . Add another meal the week after. Work your way up. You've both got to be commited though

Do you think a gradual retreat might help? So takeaway every other day, every 3 days etc

The house, could you both take a week off work and commit to getting it cleared? Then would a cleaner be an option?

I really struggle with cooking and house management so I feel for you both. Instead of ordering takeaways could you go to the supermarket and buy a load of ready meals? Trying to cook might be overwhelming but if all you have to do is stuck a meal in the microwave/ oven it might be easier. Try and use ready meals to get off the takeaways as this will save money and then once you’re in the habit of shopping for ready meals maybe you can start adding in one cooked meal a week.

Would a deadline help you to get on top of the house? I struggle to keep my house tidy but if I know I have a guest coming over I will finally be motivated to do jobs like mop the floors, hoover the stairs or clean the bathroom that I usually put off. Could you invite a friend over for a date in a few weeks so that you have motivation and reason to start tidying and then take it one room at a time? Break the jobs into smaller chunks, such as put away laundry, take a box to the charity shop, mop kitchen floor etc so that you only have a small job. I also recommend looking at your storage and clutter; for me one thing that has helped me to get a bit more organised has been buying more storage - I find the cube storage shelves with the canvas drawers great as the drawers are deep enough you can just stick all your unorganised mess in them out of sight. Then eventually when I want to sort the mess it’s just one drawer at a time and sorting just one drawer usually feels manageable.

Once you’ve started to get on top of things a jobs rota is probably a good idea. Write down all of the jobs that need doing (whether that’s daily, weekly, monthly etc - be realistic, just because some people hoover of mop their floors daily doesn’t mean you have to! If you’re not managing some chores at all now then even doing them once a fortnight or month is better than not at all!) and then divide them up between you and your DP on a wall calendar so you know each day what you need to do. Ensure there’s a reward for doing the chores, for example if all chores are done for the week then on a Saturday allow yourself a takeaway!

Can you take 2 or 3 days' holiday from work to have a blitz on clearing some of the clutter? And I agree with other posters who have advised trying M&S ready meals. Aldi also do lots of good ready meals, even cheaper. Along with salad bags, and pots of humous and couscous etc, which take no cooking, it's quite quick to put together nutritious meals with little effort. There have been a number of threads on MN where someone asks what others are having for their tea/dinner, because they've run out of ideas and there are lots of amazing replies with all sorts of ideas for meals. Once you get some energy to start dealing with this, and you start to get on top of the clutter, consider meal planning for several days at a time. The internet is great for ideas, especially the BBC website, but I think you can't beat real cookbooks for inspiration. Maybe have a look for some in charity shops? Also, during lockdown, I found that watching Masterchef was great for inspiring me with ideas, even if lots of them are quite OTT. Good luck - it's easy to fall into a spiral of decline, but if you can hold down a good job, then you can also get on top of your home life if you can just devote some time to it.

what so he doesnt do anything round the house its all on you-sounds like youre just fed up of it

i wouldnt want to cook if he didnt help out either