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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

307 replies

TheTakeawayDilemma · 25/05/2021 21:51

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end Sad

OP posts:
GameSetMatch · 26/05/2021 09:14

You’re best bet is to set one day to have a takeaway going cold turkey will be harder, a Friday could be take away day then you could start by having M&S ready meals they are quick and easy and will cost a lot less. When you are used to not having takeaways you can start to cook again, baby steps... cooking ever night is a pain when you’re not into cooking Micro-meals seem a great compromise to start with.

With the cleaning I’d book in a spring clean with a company, knowing they are coming will give you the kick you need to tidy before they clean.

Beechview · 26/05/2021 09:15

Is your kitchen clean? If it’s a pleasant environment, with a radio or music player, then cooking can be a pleasant experience.
If it’s messy and disorganised then I understand why you wouldn’t want to battle more chores at the end of such a busy day.

When your home feels unmanageable then your whole environment is stressful and everything, including preparing nourishing meals (which is what you actually need at times of stress and being overworked) seems overwhelming.

Making your home a lovely environment that feels relaxing would make a big difference.

Unfortunately, that will take some work and effort, but if you can each commit 20 mins a day and a bit more on your days off to clear your backlog of chores and declutter (it’s actually quite quick when you get going) you’ll get it done in a couple of weeks.

Then look at ways to maintain it by having a chore list that takes you 15-20 mins each a day and find some easy meals to make. The internet is full of quick easy meal ideas.
Make a plan for the week, get the shopping organised and prep the night before for the next day.

Egghead68 · 26/05/2021 09:16

Fill your freezer with pizzas, frozen chips & peas and ready meals.

Cowbells · 26/05/2021 09:29

I know people use Organised Mum now and Flylady is a bit old-fashioned and complicated but she has three routines I still use from when DC were tiny and they will help you.

5 minute 'room rescue' - set a timer for 5 mins and just tidy what you can. This means you go for the big unsightly things - hang up coats and bags, chuck takeaway leftovers and junk mail, pair shoes. After 5 mins stop. The room will look loads better and it only took 5 mins.

27 thing fling: grab a bin bag or box and throw away 27 things as fast as you can. Things you really don't need, that are broken or you meant to give to someone but forgot. Do a fling every day. Just pick a room or a surface and do a fling.

15 minutes to 'company ready' Pick one room - kitchen or living room and declutter it. Keep it so that it is never more than 15 minutes away from being presentable to someone who arrives at your door. I do this with a 5 minute room rescue, 5 minute hoover of the visible carpet areas, 5 minutes quick dust and polish and plumping up of sofa cushions. It is very therapeutic.

You can then create 'altars' which are a couple of areas in the room that you arrange so the eye is drawn to how nice they look - eg photos, lamp and flowers on an occasional table or a big picture or mirror with candles etc.

Once it is easy to keep this room presentable, pick another room and keep that 15minutes from company ready. Guest cloakroom/bathroom/spare room/kitchen etc. I like to choose the hallway as it is very relaxing to walk into a clean inviting space and it means you don't feel embrassed every time a delivery person or neighbour calls by.

GravityFalls · 26/05/2021 09:35

I read this blog post the other day that's really made me think about spending money on unnecessary things as "treats" - www.mrmoneymustache.com/2019/11/18/pizza-delivery-is-for-millionaires/

Kapalika · 26/05/2021 09:42

Loads of great ideas already.

One of my quick cook and so easy. Buy the Maggi juicy bags (about 85p-£1 each). Bung in chicken thighs or breast, add the powder and in the oven for 59 mins. Cous cous (2mins) and a bag of prepped veg.

Kapalika · 26/05/2021 09:43

Sorry, 50 mins or according to instructions.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 26/05/2021 09:44

Ok, I see you've sent him to try and sort some of it. In case he doesn't get good stuff, here's a quick plan based upon a five day working week (mainly because that's how I plan it);

You need some sort of breakfast. If you can't handle toast or cereal in the morning because it's stupid o'clock, you need something you can shove in your bag. Get two boxes of high protein snack bars (three if they're in 4s) and, although they're not as good as real food, 10-12 bottles of a ready to drink meal replacement shake - they're not cheap, but they're still less than getting a takeaway breakfast or not eating at all. Cost per person per week - about a tenner (Slimfast, for example, are about £6 on Amazon). Stick them in the fridge and take one out, take a bar out the box, go.

Buy two bunches of bananas, a packet of ham, a block of cheese and a multipack of crisps (switching out from all takeaway is going to leave you craving salt), along with some pickle/mayo and cherry tomatoes and a couple of packs of bread rolls and some cling film. Knock them up (2 per person) in about five minutes the night before, so they can be picked up with the shake, bar, banana and a handful of tomatoes.

Then there's dinner.

Monday. Pack of filled pasta, bag of salad leaves, cherry tomatoes, cucumber/any salad items you like and instead of fannying about with a gloopy sauce, drizzle them with olive oil, sea salt and fresh ground pepper.

Tuesday. Ding dinner. Microwave lasagne on a bowl of salad.

Wednesday. Jacket Spuds. The frozen ones are actually pretty good. Have two with half a tin of beans and grated cheese and salad, or get the little tubs of Philadelphia cheese.

Thursday. Lamb/Pork/Beef steak in a pan, either oven chips and a fried egg each or microwave new potatoes and microwave veg pot.

Friday. Ding dinner. Get a curry meal deal, rice, stick half a Naan bread in the toaster each. Make sure you've got a vegetable side rather than a vegetable snack.

Day off: Breakfast - scrambled eggs and toast/bacon roll/croissants/whatever.

Dinner - slow cooker. Dump whole chicken in the slow cooker breast side down around 12pm. Put on low. Forget about it until you can smell it. Serve with shop bought mash, tub of microwave veg, Bisto. Leftover chicken can be used for the next day's lunch, added to cooked plain pasta and a tub of cheese sauce, added to a jar of curry sauce to be served with microwave rice or whatever else you fancy - including picking at if you're hungry.

It's not a cheap way of eating - however, it is quick, significantly less than the cost of takeaways, won't take long to clean up from and is still more nutritious than a burger and fries from the kebab shop and pizza every night.

lubeybooby · 26/05/2021 09:47

I got myself out of this a few years ago op

I started with getting gousto and only ordering their 10 minute meals

then once I was back in the routine of mostly cooking again, I got a bit more adventurous with their options

Then once I had about 100 of their recipes, went through and chose my faves and meal planned from it, and made 'weeks' out of 7 of their recipes, made a shopping list for each one, and then would order week 1, week 2, week 3 etc from a supermarket instead. A fair bit of work initially but super easy now

Now we still do this and never have takeaway

The first step is just getting used to cooking again so make that as easy as possible

Needmoresleep · 26/05/2021 09:48

Have a good range of Cook! meals in the freezer. They will deliver.

It will start you on the path to healthier eating.

Horehound · 26/05/2021 09:52

Last year me and DH decided to set a resolution of no takeaways for the year.
And actually since we were both onboard with it, it was very easy to achieve. We saved a lot of money and A lot of calories lol

Needmoresleep · 26/05/2021 09:52

Also consider a cookery course for the two of you as a staycation activity. The Avenue theavenuecookeryschool.com/ is one option, but there will be others.

(DD did their week long basic cookery course aimed mainly for students but open to others, and is now a whizz at whipping up dishes using whatever is in the fridge or store cupboard. The course was expensive, though fun and has saved her a fortune.)

sundowners · 26/05/2021 09:54

We also ordered too many takeaways in lockdown. When I analysed it, I thought I'd try recreating some of the dishes at home. 1 e.g- a lovely wood fired pizza company local to us also serves amazing dips with pizzas. I swapped spending £40 here to going to M&S and getting their great pizza offer- think its 2 stonebaked pizzas and 2 sides for £10. I got a margherita and bought the extra toppings I'd get from our takeaway place. I made my own stilton dip to go with it. in the end I nearly peferred our own version to the takeaway but saved £25.
Chinese- harder to recreate but I can knock up a pretty good version of noddles with beansprouts, get a supermakret egg fried rice and do wok fried vegetables/tofu/chilli in soy sauce. Still delicious. Maybe try analysing your favourite takeaways like this OP and break down how you could recreate it yourself.

Youdoyoutoday · 26/05/2021 10:02

Good luck @TheTakeawayDilemma

You really can do this and you've already made small steps in the right direction.

I would also recommend a cleaner or even one that does a full deep clean, like an end of tenancy clean to get you heading in the right direction so it's not so over whelming!

fakeplantsdontlookreal · 26/05/2021 10:06

It is easy to slide into bad habits OP, and I have let my house get on top of me at odd times, when I am so busy with work that I don't have time for anything else. Last year was a classic example, where I was working 7 days a week, and living and breathing work.

What I do is tackle an area at a time, often starting with the smallest room, so that it is not such a chore, so say the bathroom, organise , clean and tidy everything, clear all the laundry etc.

It is often quite addictive as well, so you might say, OK, I will do just half an hour a day, but once you get started, you just keep going,

Also, buy as much storage as you can fit in nicely. I bought several plastic 3 drawer towers for the bathroom and have toiletries in one, medications in another, first aid in another, etc and it has made such a difference. Everything is ordered and contained in one area. They weren't expensive, I got mine from Wilkos. If you don't want plastic you could get wood or wicker from elsewhere.

Regarding the money spent on takeaways, 5 days a week at £60 would be £300. That times 52 is £15600! Just think what else you could have spent that on, or rather, think how much debt you are in, if you are putting it all on credit cards......

You need to focus your mind on that, make a spreadsheet and total up everything you have spent on takeaways, and every time you are tempted, just look at it again and don't do it.

When you do cook a meal, make a double amount and freeze half, so that on days where you can't be bothered, you can come home and chuck it in the oven. Even buying ready meals would be cheaper than buying takeaways.

Good luck OP, I know from experience that it's not easy, but it can be done :)

Northernparent68 · 26/05/2021 10:06

I’d deal with one issue at a time

This weekend sort out the laundry
Next week clear out the junk
Then cut down on takeaways

skybluee · 26/05/2021 10:08

I'd just go cold turkey on it. Get rid of the apps or hide them, commit to not having takeaways for the next month.

Clear your fridge out, anything out of date put in the bin. Clean it with Dettol and let it dry.

Do a big supermarket shop online. Nice food, things you really like. You can get really nice takeaway meals (Booths chicken korma) for way less than the price of an actual takeaway and tbh I think they're nicer anyway.

Just focus on cooking your one evening meal. Don't make it anything complicated.

TBH you could easily get a cleaner with the money you've saved from not ordering takeaways.

Please don't cry about it. It's really solveable with just a few changes.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 26/05/2021 10:10

I would make sure both of you take a week's annual leave to get on top of it and reset. You can then start batch cooking food etc. It's hard if you're both working so much etc but it does need a great big sort now before you have DC because it will just get harder.

Panapan · 26/05/2021 10:15

www.aslobcomesclean.com/podcasts/
I enjoyed listening to these (scroll down to the bottom to find the very first one) - she's quite funny and has good ideas about how to make realistic changes in your lifestyle.

Moules · 26/05/2021 10:16

Hi @TheTakeawayDilemma I have been in your shoes!! Had an incredibly stressful, long hours job and lived off takeaway for about ten years and never did ANY housework!! Blush The only reason I got myself sorted was marrying an extremely OCD and tight DH (and changing jobs!)!! It’s been a long journey but I now love cooking and cleaning, dare I say it my house is normally in very good order and I make all of our meals from scratch (bar a Friday night takeaway, nobody’s perfect hah!). It is totally understandable in your current job why you haven’t got it all together as your focus is elsewhere.

But here are some tips I found helpful for getting sorted:

  1. Get a cleaner in. You need someone to go go to town on the house for a few weeks until it is up to a manageable level and then keep it that way until work calms down. You can phase out eventually if you like, but you can’t do everything at the moment. Focus on the bits the cleaner won’t do, like laundry and general tidying away of stuff, so all the surfaces and floors are clear for them to clean. Even tidying everything away will just make you breath easier and the house will feel much more manageable. A good cleaner for 2 hrs a week will cost the same as ONE takeaway!
  1. Do a mega shop filling the cupboards full of snacks and ready meals that you love. That way when you get home and you’re umming and ahhing thinking ohhh maybe we should just get a takeaway tonight, you can just start snacking on your fave crisps or biscuits to stave off the irrational hunger thinking for a minute. I love a pizza or Mac n cheese, so knew if I had them in the house, they could deviate me away from a takeaway. Stick it in the oven as soon as you walk through the door. Obviously long term you will need to phase out all this unhealthy food but short term, you need to get the spending under control and having a fridge full of delicious food will be much, much cheaper than takeaways.
  1. Regarding chores in general, particularly when you are knackered from work and just want to let your brain have a rest, I found putting a podcast or show on while I tackled a task (ideally with DH for company) would give me an incentive to get started in the first place. It’s those first steps when you just want to crawl into bed, like ok let’s blast this for 20 mins, and then we can chill.
  1. You need to get those credit cards paid off. I weep for the amount of money you’ve wasted on takeaways, but as I said, I have been there my friend! If you can start paying £30 a week (one takeaway) off it now. And aim to increase that amount every month.

If I lived near you I would actually happy come around and get your house in order!!

Keepitonthedownlow · 26/05/2021 10:17

Can you both take a week off work to sort out your home, do big food shop, meal planning and batch cooking?

I've just started putting my week's meal plan in my Google calender, it's a good reminder.

I have this week:

Monday: peppered mackerel
Tue: Omelette
Wed: Bean stew
Thur: feta courgetti pasta
Friday: pizza
Saturday; home made curry
Sun: veg crumble

Good luck!

skybluee · 26/05/2021 10:18

Also I'd try to get a few easy meals that become favourites.

I sometimes do salmon with cherry tomatoes and mushroons - you literally just cut them up, put them on a baking tray, in the oven, leave it, then it's cooked, serve with lemon and salad.

Or even the pre-made fresh pasta with filling, and then I make a tomato sauce. Making the sauce makes it so much nicer and it literally takes minutes. Just wash tomatoes, chop them up, cook them in pan with a little bit of butter, add lemon and salt and put parsley on top. Serve it all with a salad. It honestly takes 10-15 mins to do. The pasta cooks in 4 minutes! It's a really nice meal and easy.

Good luck, I'm sure you can do this :)

CPsRus · 26/05/2021 10:18

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD recently so I know all about poor executive function. Also have a stressy job with long hours!
don’t waste energy beating yourself up about it

  1. Get in easy food, stuff that just needs to be microwaved or put in the oven.
  2. Make it fun - crucial - when ‘heating up’ dinner listen to a podcast or some music that gets you going (kitchen rave!)
  3. Do small things/tasks not the whole shebang. E.g. when microwaving a ready meal, spend that time loading what you can the dishwasher and turn it on. When you go to the loo, wipe down the sink quickly.
  4. Get into a habit of taking stuff back to the room it belongs to whenever you walk. If I walk to kitchen to make tea, I grab last night’s water glass on the coffee table and bring it with me.
  5. Check out here - www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/ - great for people who aren’t up to the more structured organised stuff (flylady, TOMM).
  6. Def always start by picking up rubbish and recycling. I make it a game on the day before the recycling collection ‘how much paper/card can I gather to fill the bin?’
  7. I have hoarder genes/tendencies and find the Marie Kondo thing to be the only thing that got me decluttering (that and watching a bazillion decluttering videos on Youtube). Start by gathering all you clothes in one spot (or category of clothes, e.g. trousers). I find decluttering a whole room or cupboard too overwhelming but one type of thing is ok
Good luck, habit changes are doable even if progress is slow. Maybe start with one day a week no takeaway and build up.
Pootles34 · 26/05/2021 10:19

If you're spending £30 a day, I reckon you could get someone to come in whilst you're at work and cook you a nice meal, and deal with the laundry/house. I've never had someone like that but imagine 2 hours would be reasonable 2/3 times a week?

DoItAfraid · 26/05/2021 10:20

@Jijithecat

Could you both take a bit of time off - a couple of days/week just to have a reset, get things in order, figure out a meal plan, do some batch cooking etc. Once you've got some kind of routine in place it should make things easier. BBC good food has lots of simple and healthy meal ideas on it.
This is a good idea. Even 1 day off to just tackle one thing will make you feel better about everything.