Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

[TheTakeawayDilemma]

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end

Do you have any family or friends you can ask to help you with the house stuff? Perhaps something like Hello Fresh would be a better steppingstone into making your own meals again. Even COOK ready meals will be a lot cheaper for you and it will take the decision out of it if it’s just sitting there. I can imagine eating the way you have has contributed to feeling tired and lethargic as you’re not feeling yourself properly. Try to go easy on yourself and get yourself out of the rut by looking at simpler ways to eat better. You don’t have to start with all or nothing. It’s been a hard year inside for all of us, don’t beat yourself up about the little things just focus on getting yourself to feel better x

Thank you @Thehawki
Unfortunately no family nearby and I’m far too embarrassed to show my friends the way I live - they have no idea!

We did try a couple of different meal boxes, but again it just lasted a couple of days before we went back to takeaways. I might give COOK meals a go though, that’s a good idea. It probably is a vicious circle of not eating well and then not having the energy to cook or clean, never even thought of it like that

You need a reward chart - list the jobs and the rules. Put it on the fridge and you get a gold star for each of the rules you stick to or jobs you get done that day. Nothing will frustrate you more than having empty boxes with no gold stars. To make it even more motivating, have rewards for certain milestones - whoever gets to 10 gold stars first gets to pick what's on TV, whoever reaches 20 first gets a massage from the other, etc etc (whatever rewards work for you). Maybe even put targets for how much you need to pay off on your credit card each day/week/month too?

Could you look into something like Gousto or Hello Fresh which would probably be cheaper then your takeaways and healthier? Also the Organised Mum Method for cleaning and decluttering?

Where is your DH in all this? It ought to be 2 of you figuring this out together.

Look at gousto or hello fresh. They deliver you meals you can choose, do some really good welcome offers and you can correct your lifestyle a little.

With the house, do baby steps. One small job at a time and you'll find sorting becomes addictive. You've got this.

Is it that you are saying no takeaways at all? Why not just start by saying this week we'll have 3 and cook the rest, batch cooking so you have meals prepared. Then see how it goes?

I think

Gosh that’s a huge amount of money you’re spending on takeaways.1500-2000 a month? Is it healthy stuff or is it causing other issues like weight gain?

You’re noth going to have to get some willpower. Start off my doing a food order but ordering the stuff you’d order from the takeaway.

Then take a day and start clearing a room at a time. So your next day off do a room, and work your way through.

Don't worry OP, you've identified that you need to make some changes and you'll get on top of things again! My DH and I are also big fans of a takeaway, last year we were working long hours and getting takeaways or eating out whenever we were too lazy to cook. We put strict limits and agreed on one takeaway a week every Friday night and we take turns at choosing the restaurant, now its something that we look forward to.

Is it possible to get a skip and have a clear out of the house? Be absolutely ruthless in throwing away anything that you don't use! One thing that really helped me stay on top of laundry was getting a clothes dryer, before that I had 2 clothes horses for drying clothes and it was really clogging up a lot of free space!

You weren’t always like this
You need a focussed effort to change these behaviours
I can’t believe you’re doing this on credit cards
Think about your health

How about making cooking fun/something you look forward to doing together. During lockdown we took it in turns to choose different theme nights. So we’d find recipes to do a homemade Chinese, Mexican, Jamaican. Whatever cuisine you fancy really!

Nothing will frustrate you more than having empty boxes with no gold stars

I think that must be very personal it might work for the op but I honestly couldn’t give a shit about getting a gold star. Not since I was about five, and even fhen it was touch and go..😃

Planning in advance can help. I’m rubbish at meal planning but if I spend 20 mins planning and shopping for the week it’s really efficient. Aim for easy meals that don’t take much prep and see if you can avoid the ‘need’ for a takeaway.
As for the clutter... it sounds overwhelming. I would suggest you focus on one single room or part of a room and work through it all slowly. We certainly have more clutter than usual because we haven’t had as many trips to charity shops or the tip as usual. I’m planning on tackling it one box at a time.
Good luck.

I agree with others in that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourselves esp when you work such long hours. Can you set a savings target, say £60 the first week, then see if it gives you the impetus to keep going, or even start by forfeiting a couple of nights’ takeaways to pay for a cleaner and build on that. Good luck 😉

@Bluntness100

Nothing will frustrate you more than having empty boxes with no gold stars

I think that must be very personal it might work for the op but I honestly couldn’t give a shit about getting a gold star. Not since I was about five, and even fhen it was touch and go..😃

I agree. Without some willpower it will be virtually impossible to make a change to a better lifestyle

Start off by getting easy food from the supermarket- pizzas, curry boxes, meal deal lunches, ready meals, snack foods etc.

It's not healthy but better than takeaways.

Have fruit and salad so you don't even need to cook food.

Don't leave the house without taking a bin out.

Delete all those apps today!

I know it’s a lot of money and the health implications are scary too. I think that’s why I posted here. I’ve accepted I need to change, I just feel overwhelmed with where to start. It feels like a mountain!

Thank you for all the suggestions so far, I’m going to look up the organised mum method and perhaps even rope DH into a star chart.

I’ll admit I’m definitely ‘house manager’ despite working us both having stressful jobs. DH and I have spoken about it before and he promises to do some house management (food shops or whatever else) but then never does. I think I’ve kind of given up waiting for him to do it and this is where we have ended up

Just take one day at a time OP. Tomorrow plan what you are going to eat and go to the supermarket and buy what you need - something quick, easy and nutritious - I’d go for fresh pasta, a stir in sauce and a prepacked salad. In 15 mins of getting home you’ve got a meal.

Maybe take it in turns to do this this week and when you get to the weekend go and do a proper shop with a meal plan in mind. M&S are fab for really good ready meals.

Once you’re starting to eat better you might find you’ve more energy needed to tackle the other stuff. But sort your food first. Your body and your bank balance will thank you for it.

Could you both take a bit of time off - a couple of days/week just to have a reset, get things in order, figure out a meal plan, do some batch cooking etc. Once you've got some kind of routine in place it should make things easier.
BBC good food has lots of simple and healthy meal ideas on it.

I would say M&S ready meals/quick in the oven as Hello Fresh etc are quite a lot of prep and faff if you're not used to scratch cooking all the time (I sometimes have them in and still get takeaway!). M&S stuff can still feel convenient and a treat so an easier first step but still saving money and healthier. For cleaning, a random tip but I used to be quite messy and found ikea, insta house accounts, pinterest or new home stuff (even just cushions) would motivate me! Good luck x

How about invite friends round for a visit in two or three weeks time so you have to clean up!

@ALbigbump

I agree with others in that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourselves esp when you work such long hours. Can you set a savings target, say £60 the first week, then see if it gives you the impetus to keep going, or even start by forfeiting a couple of nights’ takeaways to pay for a cleaner and build on that. Good luck 😉

Love the idea of using the money saved for a cleaner!

Do you have to get a delivery shop or are there nearby shops you can go to? I hate delivery shopping as I am bored by the task of clicking on pictures of food but usually feel inspired to cook when I wander round a shop. Would that help?

You need a meal plan. Look in the cupboards, fridge and freezer and meal plan mon-Sunday with a Saturday night off to get a takeaway so you don't go cold turkey.

How is your mental health generally? Do you need more support? Doctors?