Daily takeaway and slobby lifestyle

[TheTakeawayDilemma]

I know I’m BU, I just need some serious help and I’ve name changed for this because I’m horrified at how big this issue has become.

DH and I started using a delivery app a lot over the first lockdown as it was easier than trying to get a food delivery slot. This escalated and even when we could get food shopping again, we continued to get takeaways. We now spend £30-60 a day on takeaways and even if we do promise ourselves we’ll be good (and get proper food shopping/delete all the delivery apps) it only lasts a couple of days. The stupid thing is, we can’t even afford to live like this. A lot of it goes on credit cards.

On top of this, our house has become unbearable. Laundry everywhere, boxes of stuff piled high everywhere, it’s just slowly becoming a hoarders paradise.

The issue is, I just don’t know how to correct this slobby path we have fallen down. We both have respectable jobs and work long hours, sometimes 6 days a week, and you’d never think we lived like slobs if you worked with us.

I cry every night just not knowing where to start making changes. We want children soon and there’s no way I could bring DCs into this kind of life.

Please help, I’m at my wits end

If problem is time to go shopping then you can set up a recurring order on supermarket online shops- you could try it initially just getting it delivered on Monday with 4 nights of ready meals so Mon-Thu you don’t need a takeaway.

I get my milk delivered and they do food deliveries of local produce too. The butcher is quite posh, does luxury pre prepared meats, and it’s not cheap but might feel a bit more like a treat to get beef in red wine delivered and you just have to heat that night.

You need time off work. Why are you working such long hours? Are you owed any holidays? You are entitled to a minimum of 28 days per year by law. Have you kept up with this during the pandemic?

I would honestly start by telling your employers that you need two weeks off within the next month or else you will be off sick with burnout/stress - that is where you are right now. Going forward, make sure you take your holidays, even if you can't go anywhere. Book another week or two off later in the year and either look for something last minute if it's allowed at the time or have a 'holiday at home' where you don't work, only do the minimum housework and have local trips out, and nice things at home like reading, box sets, whatever you like.

Then food - forget Hello Fresh or Gousto - that requires cooking, so won't help. You can get M&S delivered from Ocado, so order from them for a few days to give it a try and if it works, get a couple of deliveries a week. If they can't deliver soon, can you go in person today? Cook would be another good option.

Could you manage omelettes for breakfast? Literally takes a couple of minutes and no effort? Quicker than delivery even if you live next to the cafe/McDs etc. Then share a carton of ready made soup with nice bread and some fruit and cheese for lunch and ready meals for dinner? M&S do a really good £10 meal deal that's probably more than enough food for just dinner, so you could use the sides as part of lunch. Or whatever you like really.

On the house, the Organised Mum is what you want. Forget about the Mum bit, you want the messy house bootcamp decluttering and cleaning bit and then the 30 mins a day to keep on top of it. It's honestly life changing.

Then you need to tell your DH he needs to step up, or you'll split, because that's where you are right now. He doesn't get away with just not doing his share.

Good luck .

On the house, break it down into chunks. You can probably get rid of rubbish quite quickly but if you aim to declutter one room a day then clean one room a day, you'll make a huge difference in a week or so.

If you're behind with washing, put on a load a day until you catch up. The weather's going to be good for a while now, so it will be easy to dry outside.

Why are people suggesting getting a cleaner or ordering gousto etc? The OP and her partner are getting into credit card debt over takeaways. They need to address that before taking on further debt.

Cut the credit cards up. Delete the apps. Do a weekly food shop. Get help on how to manage money and address debt. Don't attempt to cook from scratch if you're both not interested in cooking. Buy easy to heat/prepare things at first but look to long term sorting out your unhealthy diets as these will be affecting your health, motivation and performance at work. Not to mention that's all needed before considering starting a family.

I’ve used the organised mum method before and it’s really good. It takes longer when you first start because you need to get ontop of stuff.

Easy meals can be salmon in oven, ready made mash, pack of salad or chicken traybakes with readymade rice, That kind of thing, doesn’t need to be fancy. But I would go with suggestions above of grabbing ready made meals and salad packs to get you started. You sound burnt out, we lived on takeaways for months because my baby just wouldn’t sleep and it made me feel worse.

Also seriously seriously and I know I don’t know your OH but if he isn’t willing to pull his weight when there are only two of you, it will be much harder with kids. I know this thread isn’t about that, but kids are a lot of work and I would be very wary of having one with someone who isn’t pulling their weight when sharing chores should be relatively straightforward.

Would it be feasible to order a week's worth of ready meals from the supermarket to start with? And then gradually work your way to cooking - vow each week to have one extra day where you cook, and before you know it you'll be cooking every day.

Another vote for M&S ready meals. Some of them are very healthy and, although expensive, will cost much less than a takeaway.

Could you do ready meals 3 nights, each cook one night and do takeaway at the weekend?

Think 'heating up' rather than cooking. I made salmon, new potatoes and veg yesterday. Apart from seasoning the salmon before it went in the oven, there was no cooking as the potatoes and veg were cook in the microwave. So very little effort.

I do housework in the morning as that's when I'm least tired. I always empty the dishwasher and sort the laundry when I get a cup of coffee and then just try to do things as I go for the rest of the day.

You need to share responsibility for housework with your OH - if he doesn't step up now, he won't if you have DC. Maybe consider a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? It's cheaper than constant takeaways and gets you into good habits since you have to tidy up for them coming.

Make a credit card spend to get in a cleaner. Have them do the bulk of the work and get your home to maintenance level.
Then DESTROY YOUR CREDIT CARDS.
Set yourself small goals. Not "we won't ever eat takeaway". We won't eat a takeaway until Saturday. We will only do it once a week. Until you're ready for once a month.

It sounds like you’re working awfully long hours, and are very stressed. I think that’s the issue that needs addressing for you both to have a bit more balance. I also agree with the meal planning. I do a lot better with my diet when I do one. I just take a bit of A4, and write days of the week and breakfast/lunch/dinner then fill in the boxes and stick it on the fridge. It stops the brain freeze when you have to think of what to eat, and maybe you can start with cooking 1 meal a week each that you eat over 2 mealtimes? I also do use processed food like tinned lentils to make a quick salad or baked beans on toast, Friday is (frozen) pizza night, or pasta with a stir through sauce so it’s not loads of cooking. And I keep things like nuts, fruit and cheese in the house to add to meals and fill me up.

I think people blaming the husband, are wide of the mark. Yes he isn’t doing anything but neither is the op. They need to work on this together, the issue is a joint one. Yes the op said she was the house manager, but her post is she isn’t managing the house. So this is something they need to address jointly. It’s not his fault or hers.

Op, you likely order takeaways as they are no effort, and satisfying. So you need to find ready meals that achieve the same thing. The same immediate gratification.

So for example if you like Chinese or Indian food, then plenty of supermarkets have ready meal varieties. If it’s pizza, the same. Just buy the equivalent from the supermarket and go from there. Try to do more than two days shopping, do a week. Take it in turns to put it in th oven. Don’t let the other suggest a take away instead,

You say you use your day off to catch up on sleep. Somethings really wrong if you spend all day in bed and are unable to do anything, is this really what happens?

You aren’t “slobs”! You’re two busy people with full-time jobs who have been using a temporary meal solution to help you through this stressful time.

There’s some great advice on this thread. You need to get your DH on board to help crack the habit of getting a takeaway. Two lots of willpower is stronger than one!

Hello Fresh and Gousto are too faffy (I think) at this stage, you’d be better to start with Cook and maybe some ready meals. Then begin to cook yourself.

I work long hours and hate to cook when get home. I find the filled pastas (better quality) ones with a high quality pesto really easy.

Good luck - I think you’ll get there. Just do a few meals to begin with.

I’m rubbish at tidying / cleaning. I tidy 100 things a day so that I can focus myself. Also you need to get a cleaner x

Good luck OP. You’ve got this. Posting this thread is a big step and the first one to getting sorted.

Also, I’m not someone who advocates having debt but I do think that you want to do this slowly rather than going cold turkey. I’m hopeful the debt isn’t massive and as you spend less on takeaways you can use the funds to pay off the credit card in increments? I fear otherwise you will slip back into your old ways.

From your post it doesn’t sound like you exercise and I appreciate busy but is very important.
I have a full time role that can be stressful. You should be taking breaks to function more effectively.

That sounds like a horrible cycle, OP :( And totally understandable, I think lots of people have struggled with too many takeaways over lockdown. They are quick, easy and delicious, and make life a bit more interesting!

It sounds like it's really become a problem for you though :( What does your partner think about it all? Does he want to change? It could be good if you both want to do it together, then you can motivate each other.

The problem is, eating takeaways makes your body feel bad and lethargic, which then makes you tired and miserable, and makes you crave more takeaways because you won't have the energy to cook.

It's a horrible cycle!

Have you thought about getting some outside help to break this cycle? You could get a counsellor who could help you to look at these behaviours and pick them apart, and figure out how you go about changing. Compared to what you are spending on takeaways at the moment it could be really worth it. If you skipped one takeaway a week it could pay for counselling for you.

I think that is the way to go because your individual issues will be very complex and unique and the best way to do it is to work through it with a professional in a way that is tailored to you.

I also agree with people (and you) who are saying to think very carefully about having children at the moment.

You are right that this really wouldn't be a good situation to bring a child into. Children bring a lot of joy but also a lot of chaos, and you really need to be on top of your own chaos before you have them.

You can break out of this though, it's just a bad habit you've gotten into and you can break the cycle, but you probably will need a counsellor or some outside help especially if you're struggling to get DH on board.

I would second about a cleaner if you can.

I can be similar and could easily spiral down into living in totally squalor. But I have a cleaner come every Friday. She cleans but she doesn’t tidy, and I care what she thinks so once a week I tidy up for her. It’s still messy the rest of the time but at least it’s only one week’s worth of mess. And it’s clean underneath! It helps my mental health a lot.

The other thing that helps me is having friends over which is now possible again. I know it’s hard when you’re working such long hours so might not be possible but maybe something to think about.

What does your partner think about it all? Does he want to change? It could be good if you both want to do it together, then you can motivate each other

This is another factor to carefully consider. Your DH might not think there's a problem. On any thread where a poster complains that her DH doesn't do his share, someone always says 'if he lived alone he'd have to cook, clean, do laundry etc' but in reality, a lot of men wouldn't. They'd literally live in squalor and eat takeaways most of the time.

A cleaner once you get on top of the clutter is an excellent idea and you should easily be able to afford it if you manage to get the food spending under control. Do you know how much debt you're in? Can you transfer any outstanding credit card balances onto 0% deals? Look on Moneysavingexpert to see what's available.

Could you hire a professional organiser/de-clutter to help?

Start by swapping out all the takeaways for supermarket ready meals. I don't live in the UK anymore but when I'm back (rare occasion) I'm always astounded by the range of ready meals in the supermarket. (There are next to none here and you certainly can't get any Indian or Chinese food for example).
Get enough to last you a week and maybe make a plan for the week. Monday is Indian, Tuesday Thai, Wednesday Italian etc.
This will mean that the first week of your new non-takeaway life is planned and there is no need for a takeaway as the food is there.
The goal should be to get off the ready meals too as they are not good day in and day out - salt and sugar content being the major concern.

Once you've managed two or three weeks with ready meals instead of takeaway you can start swapping one or two meals a week for a proper cooked meal. You could learn a new recipe every couple of weeks.
I used to succumb to temptation and get a McDs too often (maybe once every couple of weeks). I now make my own burgers and freeze them along with burger buns. I have an air fryer to make chips. There's mayo, ketchup, tomatoes, onions, salad always in the fridge to make the burger even better. I've not eaten at McDs since...
I also make my own curries - I used to think these were impossible to do well at home but once you have a stock cupboard of the right spices it's no problem and you can freeze them for later in the week.

Small steps. Stop the takeaways now and replace with ready meals. See how you get on.
You just can't keep spending like that.

I have a friend who has fallen into this habit too, they have a take away almost every day thanks to Uber eats and the offers they send out. I feel lucky that no one delivery to us (middle of nowhere) because I can see how easy it could be to get lazy and just order take outs.

I have tried hello fresh (during lockdown down) and can highly recommend it, it would work out a lot less than what you are paying now and you could still have a take away once a week? Meal planning has always helped me stay on track with cooking and ordering the food shop online so I can buy exactly what I need rather than grabbing stuff that looks nice.

Plan ahead and use one weekend day to build up a supply of meals in the freezer as a start. Simple but healthy stuff you can just heat through.
Treat yourself to nice non-takeaway food that is summery now better weather is approaching- order dressed crab, lots of prawns or even lobster. Then it will feel exciting to eat. More so than a takeaway.

Do a weekly menu but don’t try and be too adventurous or overstretch the amount of cooking time. Go simple but delicious.

Something like Hello Fresh or Gousto might help in the short term. You still get the excitement of a delivery.

Get a cleaner instead of paying for takeaways. As a one off, book a big clean. Money well spent.
Book a tip run and get rid of your junk; don’t think about it too much. Just dump it.

Consider using a laundry service. They collect and return lovely crisp bedding, perfectly ironed shirts on hangers and then there is no laundry mess everywhere. It’s not as expensive as one might imagine.

Cleaner and weekly supermarket delivery. And one meal out a week or takeaway. Be loads cheaper and probably better for you.

I’d certainly begin with the laundry and getting everything up from the floor. Do you both need to work those long shifts? It’s hard to feel like cooking after a mad day at work but this cannot continue. It might help getting a few days away from the house as it’s bringing you down, then go back with a plan that you will stick to.

Hi OP, I've fallen into a similar takeaway habit over the last year. When there's nothing to do and nowhere to go and you spend all day in your house, getting a takeaway can feel like the only enjoyable thing in the day can't it?

What stopped it for me was looking at how much I spent over a month, and working out how much more money I could have saved (for a holiday, expensive pair of shoes, whatever you want). It was a shock for me but I think you already know how much you're spending.

It's hard to stop, especially after a long day, but at the weekend I make the effort to shop for the whole weeks worth of lunches / dinners. It's not always proper cooking from scratch (i.e. a pasta bake) but I try to aim for things which will last for two or three meals - killing two birds with one stone!