To be concerned about my parents early inheritance

[SallyA1976]

Hi All - 8 years ago, I received my inheritance from my parents of about 200k as a gift which enabled myself and my husband to buy a house. This was early (my parents are alive) and given to me to avoid inheritance tax and in a period where I needed it the most. The mortgage was agreed on my high salary at the time plus this deposit from my parents. My husband is on a substantially lower income with no ambition to increase it (he is not driven by money, hates his job - sees no reason to work for money or promotion, etc). We're 10 years married and the cracks are starting to show. I realise that if we did part, I would lose half of my parent's inheritance - yet he would receive his full inheritance in time from his elderly parents when they pass. Nothing I can do about that - I know, however, I am so resentful of it largely as well because of my husband's unwillingness to provide financially for us.

My parents also want to gift us more money now - and my husband is aware of that. AIBU to bring up my concerns? We could use the extra money - I just wish I could ringfence it so in the event of a divorce. It would mostly still come to me.

Your parents need to get legal advice as there are ways to protect early inheritance. My father has done this as part of his IHT planning.

Interesting question as we are about to do similar with our son who is unmarried. Definitely get legal advice on whether you can ringfence the money to come. Unfortunately I imagine the initial sum, unless specified may be subject to a 50/50 split but I may be wrong.

Good luck with sorting it out.

Look at this from the other way round, if a man was a high earner and had been given money by his parents to buy a home, if his wife was earning little or nothing and they decided to divorce - everyone would be arguing the wife was entitled to half.

It's the same situation here. You got married, you share things equally. He may or may not get an inheritance in later life - you don't know for sure until the money is in the account.

I'm not that sympathetic - you gamed the system to avoid inheritance tax, now you're upset you can't game the system to cheat your husband out of his fair share.

@skirk64

Look at this from the other way round, if a man was a high earner and had been given money by his parents to buy a home, if his wife was earning little or nothing and they decided to divorce - everyone would be arguing the wife was entitled to half.

It's the same situation here. You got married, you share things equally. He may or may not get an inheritance in later life - you don't know for sure until the money is in the account.

I'm not that sympathetic - you gamed the system to avoid inheritance tax, now you're upset you can't game the system to cheat your husband out of his fair share.

This. It’s called eating your cake and having it too.

skirk64 if people were saying the wife deserved half in this reversed scenario, I would imagine that would be due to the fact the wife has taken on significant responsibility for children and the home.

If the scenario was reversed and the wife just didn't enjoy their job, was perfectly happy being supported by their husband but had no additional responsibilities for children or home then I actually do not think that the wife should benefit from the husbands inheritance and higher earnings.

If no sacrifices are made and no additional tasks are taken on to make the higher earners life easier then no, I don't believe the lower earner should be entitled to anything.

It is not inheritance, it is a gift. Neither of you have any idea what you would inherit from your parents, if anything.

Be honest with your parents and get them to see a solicitor to ring fence this coming gift. I assume your parents aren't looking at needing paid for care soon, but if they are do double check there is no possibility the gift could be interpreted as deprivation of assets.

If you want to leave then leave. Don't stay just because you want half of a future inheritance which may never even exist. Marital assets are split, you knew that when you accepted the £200k. Protect any future gifts.

You dont know that he will inherit anything, it could all go on care fees. If you stay married are you happy to enjoy any money he might receive. Why are your parents giving you more money now, is that to avoid iht as well. Why dont you just wait until they have died and see if you are entitled to anything.

If they want to give you more money, I would wait if you are considering divorce. Btw even if you separate (without divorcing) he would be entitled to half of what’s in the pot.

If no sacrifices are made and no additional tasks are taken on to make the higher earners life easier then no, I don't believe the lower earner should be entitled to anything

That isn’t how the law sees it. Quite rightly.

How old are his parents?

I doubt that you can ringfence the money. If you are thinking of divorce I would ask your parents not to give you the money until it is finalised and get on with separating.

Advanced warning: unpopular opinion approaching

I almost married a similar sounding man he is now 38 working part time in a bird sanctuary and on his 3rd post grad qualification (lord help us all) I thank God every day we broke up as I almost sleep walked into marriage.

1. Decide if you want to divorce.
2. Make a plan and get proper financial advice.

Do not accept new money from your parents even if ringfenced. You are just asking for it to take longer/ incur challenges and higher legal bills

If the mortgage is in your name only. (personally) I'd remortgage on the quiet up to the hilt and start hiding the 200K. Either offshore or as movable assets or in a trust for your children of which you are the trustee (take proper advice)

If they gift more money to you he can certainly claim to at least half of it especially if you are still together at the time. Further more if you earn more than him he may claim maintenance and he can also claim share of pension.

My parents did this, but also made a legal doc to make sure I got it in the event of a divorce. Can they do that retrospectively?

The pension is a really good point.
And another reason to decide sooner rather than later if he isn't contributing meaningfully ( not financially but meaningfully) to the marriage

As Rachie20 says, it is up to your parents to ensure the money can only be passed on via the ‘bloodline’. It can be done, we have done this. However your parents need specialist legal advice.

OP id seek legal advice quickly. My friend has just been taken to the cleaners by her ex.

She was the main earner, had to arrange all child care, clean and tidy the house whilst he got stoned. He ticked by on being a decorater and did not financially contribute to the family money pot at all.

She had a break down and left. He then refused to pay any of the bills on the house whilst living there alone. So she had continue paying them to stop the debt racking up whilst paying for her new home with the kids. He took 50% of the house despite never paying a penny in to it, he also took half of her savings despite never paying in to them, he has some of her pension and took a portion of the money given to her gifted by her parents to start up a new life which was after she left with the kids.

Utter twat.

I don’t know if anyone else has pointed this out or not, but it’s worth knowing that should your parents ever have serious, expensive care needs in later life and end up burning through all of their money & assets to pay for it and then have to turn to the state to fund it (don’t be thinking this is impossible by the way, as my uncle was a very, very wealthy man who has lost everything to pay for his wife’s dementia care in a care home which is costing over £1k per WEEK. Her Dementia is so advanced that she HAS to be in this place for her own safety. He had a portfolio of properties - all sold to pay for her care and it has got to the stage now, where he’s going to have to sell their beautiful home 😥), then the early inheritance your parents gave to you, could be seen as ‘Deprivation of Assets’, particularly if your parents have ANY current care needs, resulting in them approaching you to find their care. Obviously this is only IF this situation occurs. Fingers crossed it becomes totally irrelevant but I think it’s worth mentioning.

My parents did this but we signed a declaration of trust that in the event of the house being sold or spitting up I would get the money back 1st then we would split the proceeds of sale equally after that.

*fund their care

Wives deserve half as they give up their own careers - stupid and simplistic to say ‘if this was the other way around’

That said I’m afraid early inheritance means avoiding a she’d lost of tax and potential care home fees so I’m not overly sympathetic to this situation. Don’t marry someone who is incompetent and doesn’t provide if you don’t want to share money with them.

@Campervan69

My parents did this but we signed a declaration of trust that in the event of the house being sold or spitting up I would get the money back 1st then we would split the proceeds of sale equally after that.

Does a declaration of trust work the same for married couples? My brother and his (now) wife signed one but I can't remember if it was before or after they got married.

@skirk64

Look at this from the other way round, if a man was a high earner and had been given money by his parents to buy a home, if his wife was earning little or nothing and they decided to divorce - everyone would be arguing the wife was entitled to half.

It's the same situation here. You got married, you share things equally. He may or may not get an inheritance in later life - you don't know for sure until the money is in the account.

I'm not that sympathetic - you gamed the system to avoid inheritance tax, now you're upset you can't game the system to cheat your husband out of his fair share.

I 100% agree. Somehow on mumsnet it's perfectly acceptable to try and scam people out of their marital assets as long and they're male. Apparently men have to be career driven and provide for their wife and she's still considered to be contributing 50% - but if it's the other way around then he's a problem.