Friend not allowing DC to wedding BUT baby in arms...

[FinksMeNot]

Friend has sent out invites for wedding. No DC but baby in arms welcome. However, she's given the go ahead for a disabled DC of 3 to come

Other friends in same circle not happy about this as they also have DC around age 3 so think they should be allowed to come too...

What do you think?

@HannaHat

That's appalling. Call them out on it.

Tell them you will be the judge of what your child can and can't cope with.

I would just think the parent with the disabled child is going to find it harder to get a baby sitter.

As long as you don't stick her in a bridesmaid's dress have a fab time.

Was coming to say RTFT.
Then noticed that some way up Nanny Ogg had beaten me to it.
@NannyOgg. Hope you are ok, haven't noticed you around for a bit.

I think this is the reason so many people say no kids, no exceptions. Because you can’t please everyone so you might as well not dick around discussing it.

Of course the bride can 'invite whoever she likes'. That goes without saying.

The point is, other guests won't understand and will think they had to go to great lengths to get a babysitter/childcare overnight, and then see a child/ren at the wedding and feel quite hurt. Understandably so.

That's why imo it's better to have a blanket no kids rule, not even babes in arms (who could start screaming at any minute so might be more unpredictable than a older child). It causes too many problems and complications, so no exemptions no matter what, I say.

Completely up to the bride who she invites... your friends are very entitled

This 100%

The bride sounds great, pity her pals are slightly rubbish...

That's why imo it's better to have a blanket no kids rule

Except that is far more problematic if you have a child with a disability. Which is why it’s good that this bride has made an exception. Other parents can fuck of if they have a problem with it.

A babe in arms who you’re not paying anything for I.e dinner etc is VERY different to a child who requires everything a normal guest does.
Them making an exception for a disabled child is both thoughtful and practical- the other guests having a moan should take a look at themselves and think about what they’re actually saying.

I think the main issue is, bride has now said by baby in arms means no baby over 3 months One of our friends has a DC aged 5 months, exclusively BF

We also have a friend who's absolutely skint and can't afford a babysitter, has no family to help. Why can't she be an exception too, they're wanting to know?

I feel really bad, and a bit lost on what to do. Bride is insisting I feel comfortable taking DS but I don't think she's thought it through. He would absolutely ruin the service so I won't be taking him

That poor bride! She'd gone out of her way to try to be accommodating of a disability, which most parents with disabled DC know is rare, and she's being attacked for it by her 'friends!'

I'd make it easy and just uninvite them!

Aww I think she sounds like a really thoughtful bride. ☺
I hope you have a lovely time.

I hear people ask this so many times, the bride has to be respected for her choice.

I think the main issue is, bride has now said by baby in arms means no baby over 3 months hmm One of our friends has a DC aged 5 months, exclusively BF.
Given the update that is stupid considering babies don't eat solids before 6 months.

So the skint friend and the breastfeeding friend don't go. It's as simple as that.

It's not a god given right to be at someone's wedding.

Bride sounds lovely and like she was trying to do the right thing.

I will never understand how people criticise child-free weddings ... as repeated on here so many times, it's the bride and grooms decision. Their wedding, the end. I have never questioned it when invited to weddings without dc

Bride sounded very understanding and reasonable, until I saw your update of only counting babies up to 3 months.
Is it worth someone pointing out babies don't wean until 6 months so a 5 month baby that is breastfed can't be apart from mum. It seems odd that someone who has clearly tried to be compassionate would say 3 months for the cut off.

As with any wedding the bride and groom can invite who they like.
It's bad form to moan about their choice of guests
If they can't go for whatever reason, they should just politely decline.

I always find it a bit off when people say 'their wedding, their choice'. It's a bit like 'their birthday party, their choice who they invite'. Which of course it is, but doesn't make it any better if the behaviour is a bit odd and unfriendly

So her trying to be accommodating to parents who may struggle with childcare is odd and unfriendly?

I feel bad for the bride. Does she know the things you’ve said about your friends’ situations and children? If she doesn’t, have any of you actually explained it to her or are you all just complaining about it behind her back?

The more you add the more I’m leaning towards not only are you all being unreasonable but are all behaving rather poorly towards her.

The point is, other guests won't understand and will think they had to go to great lengths to get a babysitter/childcare overnight, and then see a child/ren at the wedding and feel quite hurt. Understandably so.

Imagine feeling "hurt" by this. Maybe the couple have a closer relationship with some children and not others. I would certainly invite my best friends' children, but not, say, my work colleagues' children. No one should be hurt by that. Just don't bring your children if they are not invited.

I always find it a bit off when people say 'their wedding, their choice'. It's a bit like 'their birthday party, their choice who they invite'. Which of course it is, but doesn't make it any better if the behaviour is a bit odd and unfriendly

There is nothing odd or unfriendly about child-free weddings and you only need to read the many threads on here to see how normal they are. Many people relish them whereas others prefer to have their child/ren with them. Both are normal; not odd and not unfriendly.

Sometimes inviting children can be the difference between having the money and room to invite some family or good friends.

The more threads I read on here on this subject, the more I think I am the only person in the world who

a) Generally doesn't notice if there are children at a wedding or not

b) Relishes the opportunity to go to an event without my kids and be less mummy, and more me

c) Doesn't take offence when my kids aren't invited somewhere

d) Understands the world doesn't revolve around me and my family

People are so bizarre. Nobody has an entitlement to go to someone else's wedding. If you don't like their plans, don't go.

@CornishGem1975 completely agree. I love my kids, but fully understand why someone wouldn't want them at their wedding or pay for a place for them. I love a wedding without them. It is so bizarre that people get upset about this. Or get upset that some kids are invited and others not.

My personal view is that wedding are family affairs

When invited to a child free wedding we declined. No fuss- didn't tell them why (partly it required overnight stay and all our geographically close family were at the wedding and partly I find child free wedding tend to be a piss up)

It is up to the Bride and Groom who they invite and up to each guest to decide to attend or decline based on their situation/views

No debate required.

@CornishGem1975 completely agree. I love my kids, but fully understand why someone wouldn't want them at their wedding or pay for a place for them. I love a wedding without them. It is so bizarre that people get upset about this. Or get upset that some kids are invited and others not.

Same. I don’t want to bring my kids everywhere especially a wedding where I wouldn’t be able to relax and be more concentrated on them, making sure they behave. My 3.5 yo is pure energy and a climber, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the wedding for a moment. He’s likely pull the buffet on himself trying to get food. Could only imagine what he would do if he saw the cake.. 😬