Friend not allowing DC to wedding BUT baby in arms...

[FinksMeNot]

Friend has sent out invites for wedding. No DC but baby in arms welcome. However, she's given the go ahead for a disabled DC of 3 to come

Other friends in same circle not happy about this as they also have DC around age 3 so think they should be allowed to come too...

What do you think?

I'd assume that the disabled child needed special care and it wouldn't have been easy to leave them alone.

It's upto the bride and groom and the other parents can choose not to go if they aren't happy

I think it’s lovely that the bride wants you there so much and that she is also happy to have your child there too. Sounds like a really good friend.
The other “friends” can keep their petty, jealous thoughts to themselves.

Like others I'd assume that a disabled child may need to be with their parents so an exemption from the rule is essential if she wants her friends there. Or she is just less bothered if the friends of the other children don't go? Weddings don't have to be fair, people just need to make peace with going or not.

"It's a wedding not a democracy"

Love it. 100% this.

One of my best friends DS is a similar age to my DD. He’s profoundly disabled and we are both starting our nursery this summer.
Jesus Christ, I had no idea what kind of stuff looking after a disabled child entailed. Like the mum makes it look effortless- the preschool funding for her DS is like £20k she had to go and train all the staff he’s got a one on one. They sometimes have sleep in care medically he’s so poorly. If they want to go out on a date they take him or get respite

To get dd into nursery, I called I looked she played, I paid a £200 deposit and she started.
If DH And I want to go out, DD can have a date with any willing family member from my 16 yo cousin to my 72 year old granny with ease.

The disabled kid can’t be left the able one can

Check out other current thread 'To ask if my baby can attend friend's wedding' & you'll see plenty of arguments for/against childfree weddings!

These friends begrudge a disabled child attending?

My gosh, some people.

It's their wedding and I'm glad they let your disabled child come OP. They actually seem very considerate. Whereas your sulky friends are inconsiderate and should at table 19.

sit*

@FinksMeNot

Thank you. I'm the one with disabled DC. But fellow friends really not pleased as their similar aged DC can't come (and they're actually less trouble!)

Oh right. So then I was asking why the others were jealous.

Glad the bride is being fair and sensible. Hope you have a great time!

Their wedding their choice.

Their wedding = their rules. They don’t need to justify their choices or their day.

The other people are being ridiculous. Take your child, enjoy the wedding and ignore the selfish idiots who think they are being treated unfairly.

We had no kids at ours, but allowed 3 children of very close family. Most of the parents were thrilled to have an excuse to leave theirs at home without feeling bad about it

God, imagine being jealous of someone whose child is disabled. As if they are getting an advantage Some people are just horrible.

(I don’t have a 3 yo or any disabled child, so no skin in this game)

Had a feeling this was a reverse.

@FinksMeNot

Thank you. I'm the one with disabled DC. But fellow friends really not pleased as their similar aged DC can't come (and they're actually less trouble!)

Unsurprising they are less trouble. They are not disabled? Friend should count their blessings and pull their head in, the level of entitlement it takes a parent to say my child should be given equal support to disabled children... do they also want a free wheelchair and extra time in exams because other children who need these get them? I’m raging that someone could have actually said this out loud!!

Actually I have no idea which child is less trouble . But I don’t care. These people wouldn’t be friends anymore.

Hurray for your friend, the bride. The rest of them, not so much. It can be really hard to find childcare for a disabled child even if the child is alright with being away.

@Sillawithans

Had a feeling this was a reverse.

It isn’t. The OP simply didn’t say in the first post what her role was. For obvious reasons. A reverse is when you pretend to be one of the other people mentioned.

By the same logic, any adult not invited to a wedding could complain because other adults the same age were invited! It is entirely up to the bride and groom who they invite. We had some kids at our wedding because we knew and liked them but other friends’ kids were not invited because we had never met them and we had to draw the line somewhere. There are no rules!

Having read mumsnet a lot now, I think I would realise that the child with disabilities would probably be more difficult (if not impossible) to get a babysitter for if all the family were at the wedding . I think your “ friends” are being unreasonable.

it’s a wedding, not a democracy

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Your friends are being unreasonable to begrudge an exception being made for a disabled child. Awful.

So a child with extra needs who's parents will (presumably) struggle to get care for him is allowed to go and all the other kids who can be sat by anyone cant?

As the mother of a disabled (now) adult, I would have exchanged his disability for all the lack of wedding invitations in the world.

They might be your friends but they are also self obsessed arseholes and remember.....judge a man by the company he keeps.