Friend not allowing DC to wedding BUT baby in arms...

[FinksMeNot]

Friend has sent out invites for wedding. No DC but baby in arms welcome. However, she's given the go ahead for a disabled DC of 3 to come

Other friends in same circle not happy about this as they also have DC around age 3 so think they should be allowed to come too...

What do you think?

How ridiculous to get jealous that a 3yo with disabilities presumably included for reasons related to that can go!

I'm always amazed at these threads on MN I don't know anyone who is that odd in real life.

I won't actually be taking friend up on her kind offer, I want a night away too!

I always find it a bit off when people say 'their wedding, their choice'. It's a bit like 'their birthday party, their choice who they invite'. Which of course it is, but doesn't make it any better if the behaviour is a bit odd and unfriendly

DS will happily settle with anyone thankfully, although it'll be early hours before he goes to sleep...

I always find it a bit off when people say 'their wedding, their choice'. It's a bit like 'their birthday party, their choice who they invite'. Which of course it is, but doesn't make it any better if the behaviour is a bit odd and unfriendly

The bride and groom don't owe potential guest anything, they can be as add and unfriendly as they like. It goes without saying that the guests are entirely free to accept or decline as they wish. Who would want a guestzilla at their event anyway.

I think that the bride and groom were very considerate, acknowledging that it may be more likely to arrange childcare for a child with disabilities

Do your 'friends' understand the concept of disability? That it literally is a disadvantage in life? The bride is making allowances for the fact that you child and by extension you, as the child's parent, are at a disadvantage, and they want to have the same allowances made for their non-disadvantaged child?
Are they really, really stupid, or just extremely self-centred?

Who on earth would want to bring their 3 year old to a wedding?!

If I were your friends I’d be happy my kids couldn’t come!

@WyldStallions

Would the other friends like their children to have the same disability and therefore be granted the same special access? No? Then they can sit down and shut up.

This with bells on.

Good on the bride and groom for understanding

Stressful enough hosting a wedding without demanding friends...

I feel sorry for the bride that her 'friends' are going behind her back to make comments (and public threads) about her sensible choices. All seems fine to me.

And you sound awful for making it seem like a disabled toddler is getting special treatment. Of course they should, the situation is very different.

I continue to be amazed at the modern definition of "friend". In my day we used to call most of them "enemies".

There’s no question that it’s up to the bride and groom as it’s THEIR wedding. Babes in arms can’t be separated from their primary caregiver and the disabled three year old understandably has special care needs, restricting childcare options. I would have thought that counted as an obvious exception.

Honestly the sheer entitlement of some parents is utterly mind-boggling, and I say that as a mother of two very young children. I’ve been to enough weddings where the ceremony itself was drowned out by screaming kids to completely understand why a couple would choose a child-free wedding. Those complaining seriously need to get over themselves and try and see it from the couple’s point of view.

Why are they being ridiculous.
Can't they see that you are still on "duty" as a parent . They are in a position to get a babysitter and let their hair down and be kid free for a few hours. You dont have that luxury.

The bride sounds lovely to have made exception for babes in arms and your child with a disability. Your friends are being quite mean and thoughtless not to get this!

@topwings

It's a wedding, not a democracy. They can invite whoever they want.

I love this and am saving it for later use.

We only invited family children and I'm glad I stuck by that.There were 4 children instead of 15.I wanted it to be as chilled as possible tbh.

I think it's a shame when close family children are excluded from weddings, but still up to the B&G. I understand not inviting freinds' children, especially if there are loads.

My DSis invited my children and her SiL's children, their nephews and her best friend from school's children because she was getting married where she now lived and they needed to travel and stay overnight, but no else's. AFAIK it created no dramas, most people are happy for an occasional outing without children, surely?

Babes in arms is usual and the disabled 3yo is a similar concession to my sister's school friend, but ultimately they can invite who they like, I can't believe people who presumably are good friends of B&G (if they're invited to the wedding) could cause unrest over this.

Surely the disabled DC has a special pass ! Honestly their DM would most likely struggle to find CC easily ? Really this is the silliest post I have read for a long while .Reminds me of some DC complaining that Disabled people/children getting a heads up while at a theme park .Got very short shrift from their DM believe me!

I think there is a massive difference when the 3yr old is disabled. You may not know the details or how difficult it might be to get someone else to look after them. Your friends are either hopelessly uninformed, or difficult, or both.

the complainers should stop their bitching

I turned down many, many child free wedding invitations when my kids were little. The reason being that dh and I worked long, unsociable hours and we used up all our childcare favours in order to be able to work and when we did have a weekend etc free we wanted to spend it with our kids.

But there was never a fuss, just a polite refusal. The only time I would have been upset is if it had been someone very close to me like a sibling. My kids are autistic (though not diagnosed until much older).

I always find it a bit off when people say 'their wedding, their choice'. It's a bit like 'their birthday party, their choice who they invite'. Which of course it is, but doesn't make it any better if the behaviour is a bit odd and unfriendly

So you’re saying it isn’t okay to decide who you want at your own wedding or birthday party? Because that’s ridiculous.

It does not make the friends sound very good to expect an exception to be made for their able-bodied toddlers just because an exception was made for a disabled toddler.

However, I'd want to know more about the situation before passing judgement because "disabled" can mean many things, because some parents do take advantage of whatever they can use to get what they want even if it isn't really necessary, etcetera.

It's possible the friends are all jerks but there's also a lot we don't know here.

... Also, I agree that in the end, it's up to the bride and groom anyway.

Babes in arms generally can't be left - if I wasn't able to bring my breastfed four month old to a wedding, I couldn't have gone. If someone asked me not to bring my now 2 1/2 year old, I'd arrange childcare. Its a totally different scenario.

We made a similar exclusion: babes in arms and nieces/nephews. This meant there were 11 children at our wedding. If we had allowed all our friends (mid-thirties) and family to bring their kids, I worked out there would have been about 30 kids at a wedding with a total of 110 guests. It would have been mayhem.

People who talk about what a shame it is to exclude children from weddings are generally imagining the number of children who actually attended my 'child-free' wedding. People's families are all made up differently. One three year old in reality may have opened the floodgates to 20 under-tens with equal claim.

I think bride and groom have been very reasonable.

Unless you are so well off you can afford a creche for children (while the grown-ups enjoy themselves), what is the point of having loads of young children marauding around (potentially having meltdowns and parents who've drunk too much to be truly attentive)? I think the friends with DC are being totally unreasonable.