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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if my baby can attend my friends wedding

803 replies

abystarrs · 24/05/2021 20:12

My friend is getting married in August and has invited me and my husband only.

Their wedding will be in Chester (where they live) we live in Birmingham.
From our house to the venue it’s 1hr 50minutes.

We have a 5 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed.

I don’t feel comfortable leaving our baby overnight (I know it’s 3 months away but I’m not ready to leave him yet and doubt that will change much in 3 months) and especially as we won’t be “just around the corner” and can’t get home quickly.

My mum has offered to come to the hotel with us and watch our son whilst my husband and I attend the wedding, which would mean I can keep popping out to feed him where possible, but the hotel is fully booked and taken up by wedding guests (we have a room booked)

I’ve spoken to a mutual friend who said she is having trouble finding a sitter for her 10 year old daughter but our friend (the bride) has specified to her absolutely no children can attend the wedding.

I really respect my friends decision but I’m wondering if it would be completely unreasonable of me to ask if I can take my son considering he’s just a baby.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to attend otherwise, and whilst I don’t want to put my friend in an awkward position I also really don’t want to leave my son overnight being so far away.

AIBU?

OP posts:

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/05/2021 12:51

I took my baby without asking. There was nothing the bride could do about it

Some people shouldn't be allowed out in public without first undergoing intensive training on how to behave decently 😂
Really!! That is gobsmacking.

MoChridhe · 26/05/2021 12:56

@GreyhoundG1rl

I took my baby without asking. There was nothing the bride could do about it

Some people shouldn't be allowed out in public without first undergoing intensive training on how to behave decently 😂 Really!! That is gobsmacking.

😂😂😂 I know I know, but really baby was not eating or drinking the expensive food and alcohol and was quite happy in my arms, and a good conversation starter.

Spotsandstars · 26/05/2021 12:58

This is an easy one.
Just don't go! You have different responsibilities now you have a child. You don't want to leave them, fair enough I reckon, but with children comes the fact that sometimes you do actually have to miss out on stuff.
It's no ones fault just something every parent goes through. Don't worry because they'll be other celebrations you will get to go to. Just sit this one out.

Horehound · 26/05/2021 13:05

@MoChridhe why did you go to the wedding?
Taking a baby changes the atmosphere of a wedding.
You just sound so selfish and entitled!

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/05/2021 13:06

and a good conversation starter
I'm betting a good number of the conversations related to what a cheeky moo you were...

trixies · 26/05/2021 13:10

@mochridhe Oh that's alright then. You didn't actually know this would be the case, though, did you? But that's OK. As long as you don't have to inconvenience yourself.

shhsecretsquirrel · 26/05/2021 13:12

I thought the baby was going to be 8 weeks or something... not 8 months... decline or do the hotel thing, my partner and I did similar for a comedy event we had pre booked prior to falling pregnant and my baby was 5 weeks!! He's fine. He was fine. Can you express? By 8 months some solids will be going in too if you're worried about hunger.

CornishGem1975 · 26/05/2021 13:12

[quote Horehound]@MoChridhe why did you go to the wedding?
Taking a baby changes the atmosphere of a wedding.
You just sound so selfish and entitled![/quote]
Quite.

I don't know why people see wedding invitations as a summons. You don't have to go, it's your choice. If you can't make it work for you, decline. You don't have a god-given right to be there!

Lockdownbear · 26/05/2021 13:16

@TheKeatingFive

Many 8 mth olds are in nursery all day, they are well able to have a few hours away from mum.

Some are. This one isn’t.

Still doesn't mean the baby needs to be with its mum. The wedding is 12 weeks away.

Who knows the Op hasn't been back but what are her plans for returning to work?

8mths is certainly at the point mums are thinking about it as the maternity pay comes to an end and savings are starting to run low.
Op will look very silly is she insists she can't leave baby for a few hours and only a few weeks later she's back at work away from baby for many hours per week.

End of the day, Bride and Groom are getting married, they've said No to kids. For whatever reason, people always assume noise but it could be a numbers thing venues limited to 100 people, and potentially 30 odd kids warranting an invite.
They can't say no to one friend and yes to another. That would cause rows.

Op needs to sort out her childcare or decline the invite.

Pottedpalm · 26/05/2021 13:20

@MoChridhe

I once asked if u could take my 3 months EBF baby ,bride said no. I went to the wedding reluctantly and found 2 other babies there. Their parents hadn't asked bride, so they did not get a no. Lesson learned. Next child free wedding, I took my baby without asking. There was nothing the bride could do about it, besides wedding carried on smoothly.

Well that’s ok then! As long as you got what you wanted.

Testarossa44 · 26/05/2021 13:22

You could contact a local nanny agency and book a nanny to look after your baby in your room and you could pop out to feed when necessary. Or you could book a babysitter through the sitters website.

TheKeatingFive · 26/05/2021 13:24

They can't say no to one friend and yes to another.

Of course they can. All circs are different. The rigidity of thinking on here is something else.

nighttimeonly · 26/05/2021 13:25

Reminds me of a child-free wedding I went to ages ago in which the parents of one baby demonstrated one of the most selfish things I have ever seen....

The couple turned up with their baby aged about 12 months. They apparently didn't ask beforehand, they just turned up with him. They were not related to the couple, nor particularly close to them. He was the only child there, as the invites had made it clear that children were not welcome.

Baby wailed in church (service was LONG) and took far too long to be taken out. Most of us didn't hear the vows as a result.

Bride and groom laid on double decker buses to take all guests from church to the reception, which was 1.5 hours away (there's another thread in that 😳).

Baby was passed around to different guests, sat on their laps on the bus - including that of my pregnant friend for quite a while. Baby looked normal, no signs of being ill, and the parents didn't say anything about him being ill while they shoved him onto different people's laps so they could have some champagne on the bus.

Baby then did the stinkiest, most awful poo nappy. Mother decides to change him on the bus seat even though we were only a few mins from destination by then. One of the guests who'd had a couple of beers on the bus objected loudly to the smell and to the fact the baby was having his filthy nappy changed on the seat of the bus in front of everyone.

Mother retorts "it's not his fault, he has chicken pox" and then when the bloke shouts "well he shouldn't be here if he's sick, should he?", the baby's dad then says "but we couldn't leave him at home when he's ill because the babysitter refused to have him because he's infectious".

Jaws dropped. So they didn't think that it would be best for one of them to stay at home with sick baby. No, instead they brought him to a child free wedding .....

My pregnant friend got shingles from when the baby was sat on her lap.

I have never forgotten the sheer selfishness of that couple.

Totallyrandomname · 26/05/2021 13:26

Am I missing something. All of this is just so over the top. Seems like just basic communication is needed?!

Op- “hey I’m struggling to figure out how I can attend the wedding because of managing the care of baby. Would you mind if only I attend the ceremony while husband is in the room with baby.l and baby join us for the reception? It’s fine if you’re not happy with it, I’m just looking at options so I can attend as much as the day as possible”

Friend - “yes that’s fine. I just didn’t want any noise during the ceremony and didn’t want loads of kids running about”.
Or
Friend - “sorry but I’ve said not to others as I want a completely baby and child free day”

OP- “ok no worries. My mum can have baby so I can attend ceremony and reception, but I’ll have to miss the evening do as I’ll have baby with me.”

Workingfromhomeishell · 26/05/2021 13:26

Get a babysitter in your hotel room

Lockdownbear · 26/05/2021 13:29

@nighttimeonly thats horrendous selfish sods.

Lottapianos · 26/05/2021 13:30

'i know I know, but really baby was not eating or drinking the expensive food and alcohol and was quite happy in my arms, and a good conversation starter.'

Either you're having a laugh with us, or you need to have a long conversation with yourself.

TheKeatingFive · 26/05/2021 13:31

Am I missing something. All of this is just so over the top. Seems like just basic communication is needed?!

It’s MN.

Why ask a simple question when you could whip up some drama?

Horehound · 26/05/2021 13:35

@Totallyrandomname

Am I missing something. All of this is just so over the top. Seems like just basic communication is needed?!

OP- “ok no worries. My mum can have baby so I can attend ceremony and reception, but I’ll have to miss the evening do as I’ll have baby with me.”

Yes, could be very easy to sort!

Pottedpalm · 26/05/2021 13:36

We had a child free wedding many years ago. Despite being told that no children were invited, DH’s aunt and uncle brought their five year old, dressed as a page boy, and shoved him into as many photos as they could.
Maybe they thought he was a good ‘conversation starter’.

Lottapianos · 26/05/2021 13:38

'dressed as a page boy, and shoved him into as many photos as they could'

Have heard about people doing this, but thought it was an urban myth! The brass neck on some people

trixies · 26/05/2021 13:43

@nighttimeonly People like this make me wish I believed in karma.

Aprilwasverywet · 26/05/2021 13:46

Told this before but my now ex friend brought her 2 dc- with her dd sporting a fuchsia pink dress - peeping in all the sides of the photos like Where's friggin Wally..

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/05/2021 13:48

@Aprilwasverywet

Told this before but my now ex friend brought her 2 dc- with her dd sporting a fuchsia pink dress - peeping in all the sides of the photos like Where's friggin Wally..

Photoshop her out.

trixies · 26/05/2021 13:49

I went to a wedding where a toddler walked into the aisle as the couple were saying their vows, pulled down his trousers, and sat on the ground. A few people did laugh, and unfortunately his parents took that as a cue to do absolutely nothing - because their DC was (understandably) adoring the spotlight.

I'm not married but if I ever do it'll be childfree all the way.

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