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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my baby can attend my friends wedding

803 replies

abystarrs · 24/05/2021 20:12

My friend is getting married in August and has invited me and my husband only.

Their wedding will be in Chester (where they live) we live in Birmingham.
From our house to the venue it’s 1hr 50minutes.

We have a 5 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed.

I don’t feel comfortable leaving our baby overnight (I know it’s 3 months away but I’m not ready to leave him yet and doubt that will change much in 3 months) and especially as we won’t be “just around the corner” and can’t get home quickly.

My mum has offered to come to the hotel with us and watch our son whilst my husband and I attend the wedding, which would mean I can keep popping out to feed him where possible, but the hotel is fully booked and taken up by wedding guests (we have a room booked)

I’ve spoken to a mutual friend who said she is having trouble finding a sitter for her 10 year old daughter but our friend (the bride) has specified to her absolutely no children can attend the wedding.

I really respect my friends decision but I’m wondering if it would be completely unreasonable of me to ask if I can take my son considering he’s just a baby.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to attend otherwise, and whilst I don’t want to put my friend in an awkward position I also really don’t want to leave my son overnight being so far away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 25/05/2021 17:41

'No children means no children'

Exactly, and that includes babies, however they are fed. Don't get what's so difficult about it. I guess everyone wants an exception for themselves

SunnyMustard · 25/05/2021 17:43

@Ginevere

I had a child free wedding, but that excluded breastfeeding babies- 2 attended. Both cried during the ceremony but what can you do!

I would just ask your friend, but as far as I’m concerned a baby doesn’t count.

agree ... baby in lap is different from child.
BEXY39 · 25/05/2021 17:44

@Phrowzunn

The amount of people who seem to think it’s normal to specify that your dearest friends and family ditch their children for the day to attend your wedding is shocking! I totally agree it’s Bridezilla behaviour. Honestly, do they think that a child making a noise during the ceremony nullifies the marriage? Honestly I can’t imagine being so up myself that I would tell my closest friends that their beloved children were banned from attending an event I was putting on because I was just so important that I needed silence and complete undivided attention from all guests for the entire day. Agree that surely these women don’t make good, enjoyable life partners!
This! I’m bemused it seems to be the norm now to have child-free weddings. I would never invite friends/family to a wedding and not invite their children too. It’s not easy for everyone to get a babysitter, some of us simply don’t have family/close friends on tap for childcare, and I personally wouldn’t leave my kids with someone they don’t know in order to attend a wedding.
Sillawithans · 25/05/2021 17:46

Bring your mum and sneak her in. No one would notice!

Hello65438 · 25/05/2021 17:48

It’s just that it’s a fairly recent thing. Traditional weddings were a family event, all the families celebrating. Nowadays it’s a become a fantasy day. 100% agree with this!!!

ittakes2 · 25/05/2021 17:51

Its very simple - your mum finds a place nearby and stays in your room during the wedding and goes to her hotel when you get back or takes your baby with you.
And honestly - you have three months to practise giving him expressed milk. Ideally he should be experimenting with a sippy cup by 6 months so you can feed him via the cup.
Exclusively breast fed is great but if you want to be that restricted than you need to work around your choices not have others work around your's.

horseyhorsey17 · 25/05/2021 17:52

It's not unreasonable to ask. Your friend can always say no.

horseyhorsey17 · 25/05/2021 17:55

I actively dislike 'no children' weddings and normally turn down invites. They just seem uptight and joyless to me but each to their own. Luckily I don't know many people who think they're a good idea, because most of my friends are laidback and also have kids anyway. The only one I went to was my sister's, who makes a massive fuss about other people having child-free weddings now she has kids...

LoveYourLife · 25/05/2021 17:56

I would honour the bride’s wishes and decline if you can’t make alternative arrangements. No children means no children. You wouldn’t want to make it awkward if you take your baby and someone else doesn’t.

Mummyshark2020 · 25/05/2021 18:01

We had a childfree wedding and some parents actually thanked us for it! It means everyone can relax a bit more. Decline now so that she has the chance to fill your spaces!

SlipperyDippery · 25/05/2021 18:02

@horseyhorsey17

I actively dislike 'no children' weddings and normally turn down invites. They just seem uptight and joyless to me but each to their own. Luckily I don't know many people who think they're a good idea, because most of my friends are laidback and also have kids anyway. The only one I went to was my sister's, who makes a massive fuss about other people having child-free weddings now she has kids...
“Uptight and joyless” 😂 fucking hell. I honestly can’t believe the amount of people who can’t have fun without children.

I find them more relaxed than children weddings as everyone is chilled out and not worrying about their toddler vomiting on the bride’s train, but that’s my opinion and I respect that other people want something else for their wedding. Notice I can say that without making unkind remarks about people who choose to invite lots of children to their wedding, rather than call them uptight, self obsessed, unreasonable, selfish, bridezilla, precious among others on this thread.

Twowilldo50 · 25/05/2021 18:03

You can ask! But be prepared for no.

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/05/2021 18:04

I never understand this "childfree weddings are joyless" thing.
Fair enough, if you'd like to see your children there, but if you really consider an adult only festive occasion to be lacking in joy that's probably just you.
You're probably spending too much time around small children 😂

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/05/2021 18:04

We should make some kind of club.
"Club of coldhearted, joyless bad partners who had child free weddings".

We can have joyless child free meetings where we just sit uptightly and seriously discuss how horrible women we are, while our partners are happily enjoying an evening out and away from our horrible existence.

Chin chin, horrible bridezillas!

Tobebythesea · 25/05/2021 18:06

We had a child free ceremony. We paid for nannies to be with the under 5s as I’ve been too many weddings with a screaming baby!

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/05/2021 18:07

I'm in!

EmeraldShamrock · 25/05/2021 18:09

For the sake of the friendship I'd go to the ceremony and go home afterwards.
DM can wait in the car.
Friendship works both ways, I wouldn't expect a friend to leave her EBF baby behind for my day.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 25/05/2021 18:10

I don't understand why people would not want children at their wedding. Weddings are supposed to be family occasions, why would you exclude children, especially babies? I had children at my wedding.

HB81 · 25/05/2021 18:10

I would decline and let her know the reason, she can then follow up if she wants to, but you're not putting her under direct pressure. We had a no children policy at our wedding (aside from immediate family - and even some of them opted to leave kids at home!) because if we had invited children our guest list would have gone from 100 to 150!!!! Which we could not justify, it would also have made it a very different occasion. A couple of people still asked if they could bring babies, which made me feel bad, but i couldn't make an exception for some and not others - and as previous posters have said - people who had gone to the effort of finding childcare would have been really annoyed/upset. It's a really difficult one as totally get wanting to be there but not being OK to leave a baby.
... I did go to a church wedding years ago where there were lots of kids, and one of them stood up on a pew at the back during the ceremony and shouted 'I hate Jesus' - awful and yet hilarious :)

cherish123 · 25/05/2021 18:13

Exactly same thing happened to us. My mum came to hotel and I popped up to feed DC. Mum didn't stay at hotel. I just left early.

roxanne119 · 25/05/2021 18:14

He won’t be breast fed exclusively then though and you could do what your mum said or express some milk in advance 😊 if you really want to attend

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 25/05/2021 18:15

You wouldn't be unreasonable to ask the question and if you get the answer no, say you will have to decline, with regret. Surely that's all there is to it?

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/05/2021 18:16

@Boysgrownbutstillathome

I don't understand why people would not want children at their wedding. Weddings are supposed to be family occasions, why would you exclude children, especially babies? I had children at my wedding.
This is not your wedding 😂 Other people have different views, and that's ok.
AuroraSophia · 25/05/2021 18:17

Slightly off track but why people request no children at weddings is beyond me. Miss Trunchable springs to mind. It’s like they’re removed from a memory. The more the merrier for me babies kids even dogs 😂😂

Shinytaps · 25/05/2021 18:23

EBF babies should obviously not be included in a no child rearing ban. There’s a big difference between that and a 10 year old. Unfortunately this doesn’t seem to be a commonly held view though. I think lots of people just don’t realise how impractical it is to leave an EBF baby. I would say “I’d love to come but I’d need to bring baby as he’s breastfed. I understand if you’d rather I didn’t though.”