BIL in bedrooms

[Unknown187]

We had FIL, BIL and Niece (10) over today for lunch which doesn't happen that often

My DP told me earlier this evening once they had long gone that he found BIL and niece wondering around upstairs looking in the bedrooms

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't feel overly happy about it particularly as all of the doors were closed. BIL has once before looked around upstairs for no particular reason, this is why I left the door closed this time. We don't have anything to hide but even so it just feels unnecessary

Just wanted opinions really. It's not something I would do if I went to somebody else's house. It's a three bed house with one loo so if somebody wants the loo they do have to go upstairs but I'm not sure why they were both up there and looking around

Maybe I'm just overthinking it, just wondered how other's would feel

I'd be very annoyed with that and would have to say bluntly, DH said he caught you wandering around upstairs and in our bedrooms. What on earth did you think you were doing?. Whatever his answer mine would be, I find it massively rude and intrusive. Please don't ever even think of doing that again. My bedroom is private.

My ex MIL used to do this. I may have "accidentally" left some fluffy handcuffs out one day. She never did it again

Put a movement sensor alarm on your bedroom doors then when nosey BIL opens one he'll not be able to deny it.

Why would you want to look in someone's bedroom? I think they're being really nosy.

I think that's pretty rude of him. At best it's nosey, at worst - who knows? I wouldn't be that bothered about him (or any guest) having seen in my bedroom, etc. but I would be less keen to have them over again. It's the sort of lack of boundaries that just niggles away at trust.

I blame, 'Come Dine With Me'- it's given the idea that this is a normal activity for a houseguest.

YANBU.

I went to my brother and SIL's house yesterday and when I went up to the loo, I had a quick look at my niece and nephew's room. They share and they're age 1 and 2. My DD is the same age and I wanted to see what they had done to their room as I'm about to decorate my DD's.

I would never go into their bedroom though! That's just odd, and a little invasive.

I think it’s rude; I wouldn’t ever go into anyone’s bedroom unless invited (outside of my own house) and I definitely wouldn’t open doors. I can’t think of a good reason to go into someone’s room unless they are in there or I’m getting something they’ve given me permission to get

Was your 10yo excited to give a tour of the house to her uncle? Not sure why you'd get so worked up about that.

I think its incredibly rude - i wouldn't go into my mum's or brother's rooms without being told to and they wouldn't do it in my house its how we were brought up - but all families are different. MIL always finds a reason to go in our bedroom, the closed door is like a red rag to a bull! But i think she'd be shocked to know i consider it so rude. I never say anything, not worth an argument.

@rattlemehearties

Was your 10yo excited to give a tour of the house to her uncle? Not sure why you'd get so worked up about that.

It's OP's ten year old niece, not her daughter.

@ReggaetonLente

I think its incredibly rude - i wouldn't go into my mum's or brother's rooms without being told to and they wouldn't do it in my house its how we were brought up - but all families are different. MIL always finds a reason to go in our bedroom, the closed door is like a red rag to a bull! But i think she'd be shocked to know i consider it so rude. I never say anything, not worth an argument.

You could bring up this thread. 'I was just reading that some people don't realise it's considered really rude to let yourself into someone else's bedroom when you're in their house visiting... What do you think?'

@NoNobramma

You mr brother in law is your husbands brother? I think it’s weird that family members can’t see into your bedrooms tbh and you’d actually shut the doors. I can’t imagine not being welcome in my sisters house. When you have kids they often wander into a room and you need to pop in to fetch them... hasn’t that happened over the years? Maybe I’m just nosey but I know what most of my friends rooms look like in their houses. And I wouldn’t mind if someone wanted a little look Into the rooms.

The child is 10, not 4. So she knows not to looo into the rooms. I find it odd that you and your friends would just go look around someone's house. It's really rude.

Look*

Maybe I’m just nosey but I know what most of my friends rooms look like in their houses

Yeah, you are. I fail to see what's so fascinating tbh.

My first thought was whether he has a secret addiction and is looking to steal money or something else. Hope that is not the case. I don't think it OK.

I can't imagine why anyone would feel the need to go poking around someone else's house, it's really intrusive and rude.

I also don't get why someone would give visitors a tour, unless they live in Blenheim Palace, or somewhere unusual, like a lighthouse.

Depends. I wouldn’t have a problem with my siblings or parents doing this, the house is open to them. I wouldn’t have a problem with one BIL doing it, but I know he never would, the other I would be furious because we aren’t close, he is always on the make and take, and I don’t like or trust him.

I heard a friend had taken photos around my upstairs when she was over to show another friend what my house looks like inside.

I also don't get why someone would give visitors a tour, unless they live in Blenheim Palace, or somewhere unusual, like a lighthouse.

I agree. I did actually visit someone's house once and get given a tour of everywhere. I was just a bit nonplussed tbh- seemed unnecessary, but I presumed they must just be very proud of the painting job they'd done.

YANBU @Unknown187 - my MIL does this everytime she comes round to visit our DS and it drives me nuts! He’s 6.5m old and she always picks him up “let’s go for a wee walk” then she wanders off taking him round all the rooms in the house 🙄 into our spare rooms and our bedroom etc. I always have all the doors shut and have specifically told her that there’s no need for her to be in the rooms but she completely ignores it. DH had to have a word with her last week about it. She’s coming round today for the first time since so we’ll see if she’s paid any attention now 🙄

I'm laughing at the idea of people giving visitors a tour of their house - who on earth does this 😂😂😂

@rattlemehearties

Was your 10yo excited to give a tour of the house to her uncle? Not sure why you'd get so worked up about that.

It's a three bed house, not a thirty room mansion.

It's weird and nosey. My brother always used to make a beeline for our usptairs loo when there was a perfectly private and functional one downstairs. I used to stop him. No business up there. It's where we sleep!

Sometimes I close my bedroom door when I have visitors because it's a bit messy in there, e.g. Haven't quite put all the washing away yet. I wouldn't want visitors seeing my (clean) pants lying around. If someone then opened the door just to have a look, I'd be annoyed and think they were rude as fuck.