To want to leave my husband and baby

[Sadmum181]

I feel like I can't cope anymore...have a really nice husband and to everyone else the perfect baby. But I'm just so unhappy. I hate being a mum and feel like I can't go on, I miss my old life. I think I should just leave because I'm a shit mum and wife 😢

I can't confide in my dh... I just tried to talk to him about the fact he is constantly working on the floor in the living room and that I live here too (we have a dedicated study) and he said 'I only have a laptop... Clown' so I feel like I'm being shut down

Yep.

You have a DH problem... :(

Serioulsy, I susoect your issue has more to do with your DH than any feeling you might or might not have as a mum or towards your dc.
It's gpig to be hard to enjoy looking after your baby if you have someone hovering above yu all the time, intervening, telling you you don't do things right every single time whilst leaving you with the bulk of the work anyway.

I agree you have a DH problem
No wonder you're miserable, who wouldn't be on this situation.
Undermining first time mum, not getting any space, not doing anything to help.
Plus living and working on close proximity...it's no good at all.
I don't know what to suggest though. You need a serious talk with DH and divvy up chores/gardening etc

It's okay to feel that way. Pregnancy and motherhood is really difficult. What is your ideal outcome from leaving? You say you want your old life back. That is not going to happen. You have had a baby. Your old life is gone. I know that sounds harsh, but I don't think leaving will help you achieve what you want. Think about what you really want from life now and how you can make the most of it. Do you ever get a break? Maybe you could arrange for this somehow? Would it be helpful to go back to work early/get a job? It might be helpful to speak to your GP/health visitor as others have suggested.

U.K. mums can you help... in Germany we have something called "Mutterkur" which literally means "mother cure". On the scheme you can book into a mother and baby retreat for three weeks. Sounds like the op needs rest and a chance to bond with her baby without husband around.

Your husband doesn't sound that great. Agreed you can use the study, he doesn't need it.

Did he really call you a clown? I'd be tempted to book into a hotel for a few days to yourself.

Yes he called me a clown. I don't really want to go in the study as its a workspace and I already use it when I work.

What is your idea scenario or outcome op? Maybe if we have an idea of what you're looking for long term we could help advise you

I can totally empathise with you @Sadmum181. I was exactly the same when I had my daughter. I hated being a mum and and everything that went with it. I wanted to put her up for adoption and forget I ever had her.
It was like I’d lost my identity and I a way I did. I don’t think anyone can say how they’ll feel once they have children.
I eventually went back to work full time when she was 14months and this helped me such a lot. I could be me, not a mother or wife but me. That was 28 years ago and she’s now my best friend and I was able to support her when she went through the same with my grandson.
You need to find yourself again but I can’t tell you how to do that apart from do what makes YOU happy. I really hope you get through this, just remember you are not a shit mum, you’re just lost

I really dont want to seem rude..but if you feel that way why are you having another child?I also feel like this and that's why I'm never getting pregnant again. I'm just curious

@Kittykat93

Honestly I do wonder sometimes but it’s a choice we’ve made and here are my reasons.

-I adore my DS and think that having him at the start of first covid lockdown negatively impacted my experience.

• Both DH and I have always wanted 2. DH is a great dad who pulls his weight which is helpful so seemed silly to feel both exhausted/miserable and also incomplete (if that makes sense).

• We already have one baby so it’s not like we have any freedom to lose this time around we’ll just be doing it for 2 rather than 1 so might as well get the nappies/sleep deprivation/terrible toddlers all done in one go!

• I had health issues in first pregnancy which age was unlikely to help. Plus I don’t think I could taste the freedom of DS growing up then go back to the start.

But most importantly we are committed to the kids regardless of how exhausted/miserable we are. We kinda laugh at our lives together so no matter how much we might question our choices we’ll stand by them.
DS is very well taken care of, we go to all the classes and play a lot. He’s a happy content little chap so really it’s just our own happiness/sanity we are gambling with!

I know it probably sounds like insanity but here I am.

Thanks for the response. Hope you dont think I was being rude I'm just interested when people seem to feel how I feel and yet go on to have another. I actually begged to be sterilised and although I'm under the age of 30 they let me have the op last year. I love my son more than anything but god I miss my old life and parenting is nothing like I thought it would be!

There is no script here. Think about what you need to help make you happy and do it. I mean my cousin hated being at-home with the baby and felt like you so she cut her maternity leave short and went back to work, that helped her be happy and enjoy motherhood more. Can you leave the baby with family and have a weekend break with your husband. Or have a day just for you whilst he takes care of the baby . You don't have to be attached to your baby at all times to be a good mother. Have you considered nursery even for just a day or 2 a week? How about like the med countries where people just go out and have their social lives with the baby.

@Sadmum181

Yes he called me a clown. I don't really want to go in the study as its a workspace and I already use it when I work.

Wow, he sounds like a prick.

Do you have anyone around you that you can ask to meet for a coffee? Get out for a long walk with your baby, fresh air always helps.

Hope you are okay OP xx