To not talk to MiL until after I give birth?

[Lucidas]

I’m due to give birth in two weeks. Have just come off a phonecall with a a sobbing MiL pleading for me not to give birth until the 15th June when they’ll have finished the renovations on their new home and have properly moved all their stuff in. Because apparently she doesn’t want to miss a single moment of the baby being here, but she also won’t be able to come and stay with us until she’s finished all the work in the house. So now it’s my job to ‘please please please hold on’.

Have mentioned that at my last scan, the baby was measuring very large (had to have a fasting blood glucose test to rule out diabetes), and that I don’t want to go over. Completely ignored.

God, I hope the reason you've disappeared is because you're in labour

@Lucidas She invited herself to stay for 'at least a week to 10 days', to help.

She sounds insane and you’re encouraging it. Just tell her “thanks, but no thanks. This isn’t our first baby so we know what we’re doing. We’ll come by to visit you at your house once the baby and myself are settled.”

It’s so bizarre that she thinks you can choose a day to give birth (unless you’ve scheduled a planned caesarean). Is she always this weird?

It's funny and ridiculous when men say silly things like this but when it's a woman that's supposedly gone through it (unless your husband was adopted) it's just baffling.

I’ve vote a very mild YABU as she sounds a bit potty, but largely harmless and well-meaning so in this situation the easy thing to do is simply absolutely guarantee that you definitely won’t give birth until 15th June and say you can’t wait for her and FIL to meet the new baby . She just wants reassurance. If, after the call, it dawns on her that it is absolutely nuts to promise not to give birth before a certain date, perhaps she will realise the whole conversation was daft.

A lot of GPs have been very upset about missing out on their grandchildren due to COVID, and then for something stupid like house renovations to get in the way of such a wonderful event, I can understand a little bit her emotions bubbling over.

Maybe you could find her some jobs to do so she feels involved.

On the other hand if you are finding it too exasperating, I agree just getting your DH to take the calls is a good idea. He can say, “oh Lucidas thought it would be better if i talk to you, as you got so upset last time you spoke to Lucidas and poor thing she felt really awful about the conversation and I don’t want her getting upset as she needs to stay calm and happy for the baby.”

Definitely limit the number of days she stays. Is she coming to babysit your toddler when you go into labour? I bet she would love to have that job.

Good luck

Well isnt she lovely to make your last pregnancy all about her. Getting emotional and sobbing around something you have no control over. I wouldnt speak to her again as she will just cause further stress.

I hope your DH is good at dealing with her and I agree not to bother speaking to her until after baby has arrived

@RainingZen

I’ve vote a very mild YABU as she sounds a bit potty, but largely harmless and well-meaning so in this situation the easy thing to do is simply absolutely guarantee that you definitely won’t give birth until 15th June and say you can’t wait for her and FIL to meet the new baby . She just wants reassurance. If, after the call, it dawns on her that it is absolutely nuts to promise not to give birth before a certain date, perhaps she will realise the whole conversation was daft.

A lot of GPs have been very upset about missing out on their grandchildren due to COVID, and then for something stupid like house renovations to get in the way of such a wonderful event, I can understand a little bit her emotions bubbling over.

Maybe you could find her some jobs to do so she feels involved.

On the other hand if you are finding it too exasperating, I agree just getting your DH to take the calls is a good idea. He can say, “oh Lucidas thought it would be better if i talk to you, as you got so upset last time you spoke to Lucidas and poor thing she felt really awful about the conversation and I don’t want her getting upset as she needs to stay calm and happy for the baby.”

Definitely limit the number of days she stays. Is she coming to babysit your toddler when you go into labour? I bet she would love to have that job.

What on earth has your post got to do with a woman asking another to hold childbirth until her new house is ready?

She wants reasurance? Reasurance of what? That her DIL can hold her baby in until grandma wants it to be born?

I expect shit from men but posts like yours, I assume a woman, make me despair.

She's given birth before yes and realises babies can't be scheduled?! Batshit crazy, definitely ignore.

Well obviously you need to keep your legs crossed and ensure you do everything in your power to ensure her grandchild does not come before the 15th!!

Haha, what a crazy woman!! I think I’d be doing absolutely everything possible to try and get him to come a week early

You see, this is the kind of thing that would have had me taking the piss of MIL (or my DM who was actually the one more likely to make these sort of comments). I'd have been making sarcastic comments, eye rolls etc, throughout such a conversation.

I think zen has a point. I don’t agree that YABU at all but I do agree that you can’t argue with crazy and you’ll get stressed out trying to deal with her. So yes if you’re put in that situation again I’d say “absolutely mil, I promise I’ll do my best” and change the subject. Though also I’d leave dh to deal with her and avoid talking to her if possible.

Then I’d get on with all the labour-inducing tricks you can (a loud rock concert did it for me :)) and hope the baby comes early - what’s she going to do?

Sometimes just agreeing and going along with this kind of batshittery takes the wind out of the person’s sails and they have no grounds to keep going on about it because you’ve agreed. Then when reality bites and their ridiculous expectations don’t happen, they might get real and if not it’s not on you as you agreed with them and tried!

Experienced batshit relative wrangler here. What you want is them off your back, not to get them to see sense.

She's crazy and a pain in the arse.
And of course - she has to make it all about her.

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee

DH needs to set some clear boundaries about visiting and staying once the baby is born

He needs to do this now.very clearly and firmly no budging and do this before you give birth

This with Bells on. You don't need the stress and she sounds completely self absorbed to the point of ridiculousness. Tell your DH you need a calm environment, Hope it all goes well

Goodness OP, surely you know that you are just a grandchildren making machine, go and get yourself reprogrammed at your nice!

How can she be well meaning when she's making it about her?

Will your husband be there when she is Op or doesn't that matter to you?

I didn't even want my own mother to move in & help.

Any help I think wouldn't have been more than the "disruption" of another adult in the house I think.

She was only an hr away anyway so I think moving in rather than coming over as & when was a bit extreme!

I do remember a friend of mine whose MIL came to stay.

Her help was keeping baby out of the way so that friend could get the housework done.

Sadly she didn't feel able to say anything & her husband wouldn't

I think this sort of reaction-sobbing & pleading about the arrival of someone elses baby-it's so utterly ridiculous-how would you trust that person to look after your baby or even feel that they would add anything to your baby's life?

She honestly has me questioning my sanity.

Question hers before you question your own. Crazy besom.

Try and find the funny side. Shes bonkers lol

Oh and yes totally do not let her come round until you're ready. I actually just didn't tell my interfering relatives I'd given birth until a few days later.

Fuck her.

I know you've indicated she is melodramatic and imposing, @Lucidas. But is she generally given to 250%, non-biodegradable, absolute BATSHIT INSANITY?

If so, do you have lots of other examples?

We are all very good listeners here.

This has made the Daily Mirror, you may want this thread removed @Lucidas

Wow just...wow! Surely she won’t fall out with you if you go into labour before then? She’s off her rocker

Wtf!!!!! Yanbu

🤣🤣🤣🤣

only read your first post but it was enough.
reserve the movie rights now. start a diary. this will be a moneymaker.

Are you sure she wasn’t joking?