14 year old babysitter

[misssunshine4040]

Would IBU to allow my mature, sensible 14 1/2 year old to babysit his 3 1/2 year brother.
It would be an occasional evening when I need to work and 3 year old would be in bed.
He's a good sleeper and 14 year old is very capable and good at helping out with him.
I've discussed whether he would feel happy doing this and how he would cope with an emergency etc.
He said he feels confident doing this.
I feel slightly uneasy in that it's just not the done thing. I trust my son to care for him, he's capable but I worry that in this day and age it's not acceptable.
I'm an over cautious parent I think and I don't want to spend my time worrying I'm being irresponsible or doing something wrong.
I myself was babysat by teens when I was small, all my friends were and most of my friends that age were looking after siblings and babysitting too.
Any views would be appreciated.

I think it's fine but there will be some people that won't leave their children alone until they're 16.

If you think he’s mature enough, I would.

I don't see it as a problem. It's certainly not contravening any child protection legislation.

How long would it be for? How easily could you leave work if he called you? How close is real life practical help i.e someone who could come over not just speak on the phone?

I would let him. I babysit my sister when we were those ages, only a bit over 20 years ago. I assume he has the number of any family or friends he could call as a back up?

I personally didn't let DD babysit her siblings till she was 16( At time DS was 12, Ds2 was 5, DD was 3 ) The younger 2 were asleep and we were literally 2hrs at the pub, 300yrds from our house.
My DD was a very sensible 16yr old, I was being over cautious.

I guess it depends on your child too, I personally would fret at leaving my DC babysitting at 14 , as said Im over cautious though

Personally, I think it would be absolutely fine, but I'm from a country (Germany) that gives kids a lot more responsibility much younger (6-year-olds walking to and from school, that kind of thing).
You'll probably get a lot of shocked responses. Most likely, if your DS knows what to do in an emergency, which at 14 he should, nothing will happen, but if things go wrong you will probably be blamed.
Having said that, I would do it in your situation.

Its hard but try to make your decision based on your knowledge of your child and your own risk assessment. If your son is sensible enough to look after his sibling and call someone if he needs help then id do it.
What strangers think is neither here nor there.

I would, yes, and I think I am quite risk-averse in general where children are concerned.

I was babysitting for families with 3 children at 14. If he’s sensible, I wouldn’t worry at all.

I used to babysit for my niece and nephew when I was 14. They were 6 and 2 at the time. However, my mum lived just down the street if I needed help. I don’t think I would have been comfortable enough to look after them without back up if I needed it.

Is there anyone nearby that your DS could call on in an emergency (or if he’s not sure about something)?

As PP said it depends on how mature and trustworthy your son is. I used to babysit a neighbour’s 3 year old when I was 14-15 and looking back I think I was responsible enough and fine to do it.

I have to work and some of my shifts are evenings. My childcare I relied upon is unavailable as often now and I'm at risk of losing my job if I am not flexible.
He has his phone to call family in emergency etc and would dial 999 if needed.
I don't know I'm so torn, they are both 15 and 4 in sept and I thought waiting until then would be a bit better but then what difference would it make really.
I don't know if I would leave him with him alone during a day shift and he's awake and more work to look after as opposed to him being in bed.

Yes I would. As long as your son is happy to do it. At that age I was making pocket money babysitting for neighbours and friends of my parents.

Honestly op I really think it's ok. Just make sure your 14yo knows under no circumstances to leave the house.

I would. I babysat for multiple children at that age (and younger) and was babysat myself (with my 2 younger brothers) by teenagers that age.

Yes that’s fine. Some 14 year olds have their own child!

Yes I have said he would get pocket money for it and treat it like a job until I'm home.
Arrrgh why am I so anxious about this? I've left them alone a couple of times to nip to the shop and of course he's been absolutely fine

@goshthatsawful

Yes that’s fine. Some 14 year olds have their own child!

Haha yeah this is true!

I think I would with mine after a lot of "what if"ing with her. She is very sensible and often shows good judgement. I can't speak for yours.

However maybe make some rules for yourself upfront about what constitutes "occasional" and make sure it doesn't creep into being too regular a commitment for him. The risk with work shifts is that they slowly ask you for more and more evenings.

My 13 and a half year old DD has her first babysitting job next weekend. Our back gardens back on to each other, so a very nearby house. The kids are old enough to tell her what they want and need. I'm on call should she have any concerns and it's just for 2 hours. In those circumstances, I'm happy.

I think at that age it depends on the circumstances. I won't allow my DD to babysit under-3s or any child with limited speech, to babysit more than 2 children at a time, to babysit outside of our small village or to babysit if I'm not available to be 'on call' at the minute. This is because I think it's too big a responsibility at her age. As she gets older, I'll relax those rules.

@Singalongasong

I think I would with mine after a lot of "what if"ing with her. She is very sensible and often shows good judgement. I can't speak for yours.

However maybe make some rules for yourself upfront about what constitutes "occasional" and make sure it doesn't creep into being too regular a commitment for him. The risk with work shifts is that they slowly ask you for more and more evenings.

Yea I would say it would be once at week at most really as I have cover for the other days I do.

You know your kids.

One of mine had regular babysitting jobs from 13 and showed on one occasion when a child was knocked down outside church that she was actually calmer and better in an emergency than a lot of adults.

Another I worry if she’s alone too long and she’s now 19!!

From what you’ve said it sounds like your only concern is other peoples opinions.

@bathsh3ba

My 13 and a half year old DD has her first babysitting job next weekend. Our back gardens back on to each other, so a very nearby house. The kids are old enough to tell her what they want and need. I'm on call should she have any concerns and it's just for 2 hours. In those circumstances, I'm happy.

I think at that age it depends on the circumstances. I won't allow my DD to babysit under-3s or any child with limited speech, to babysit more than 2 children at a time, to babysit outside of our small village or to babysit if I'm not available to be 'on call' at the minute. This is because I think it's too big a responsibility at her age. As she gets older, I'll relax those rules.

Sounds very sensible. My 3 year old is very good, easy child and does as he's told and if he does have a whine my 14 is great at calming him down and ds really listens to him. I was reading as they are both under 16 if there was an accident etc I would be held responsible and I'm not sure what that means. Does that mean I would be in trouble and he was too young to leave?

My 13yo was going to start babysitting a neighbour’s 3yo in the evening occasionally pre covid. She’s sensible and it would’ve been fine (plus she’d have called me for emergency backup).
If your son has emergency backup, and your youngest won’t be upset if he wakes and you aren’t there it should be fine for a few hours (not overnight until 16 though).