14 year old babysitter

[misssunshine4040]

Would IBU to allow my mature, sensible 14 1/2 year old to babysit his 3 1/2 year brother.
It would be an occasional evening when I need to work and 3 year old would be in bed.
He's a good sleeper and 14 year old is very capable and good at helping out with him.
I've discussed whether he would feel happy doing this and how he would cope with an emergency etc.
He said he feels confident doing this.
I feel slightly uneasy in that it's just not the done thing. I trust my son to care for him, he's capable but I worry that in this day and age it's not acceptable.
I'm an over cautious parent I think and I don't want to spend my time worrying I'm being irresponsible or doing something wrong.
I myself was babysat by teens when I was small, all my friends were and most of my friends that age were looking after siblings and babysitting too.
Any views would be appreciated.

@misssunshine4040, it's true that legally you're responsible for any under-16 babysitters. That's why some parents won't consider it. But in practice, my understanding is you'd only potentially be in trouble if (a) something happened and (b) someone called the police or social services and (c) they had reason to believe it was unreasonable to leave the young person in charge. For example, you left them without any way to contact you or anyone else, or when asked they couldn't say when you'd be home or where you were. It's certainly not blanket illegal and I think most social workers would not be worried about a 14yo occasionally looking after a 3yo sibling. I'm not a social worker but I worked with a lot of them and was a safeguarding lead in a school so I have a bit of knowledge.

I've a similar age gap between my first and third and my eldest used to babysit often. It was only an hour or 2 between me heading off and DH getting home. And I could see my house from my place of work so could nip over if necessary. It was fine.

If he is mature I'd let him.
I was babysitting neighbours DC younger than that.
Can't say we we're sensible though, once a child rolled off the chair and we didn't tell the mum when I was 12.
The DC is an adult now no lasting injury.

100% yeah. I was babysitting my sister at 13 when she was only 2. Now my mum would never leave my brothers who were 16 and 19 to babysit my sisters alone at that age. So it really depends on the child and he sounds responsible.

I know I shouldn't care about strangers views that's totally right.
I just find what's acceptable now to what was acceptable when I was younger quite different so I wouldn't want to get in trouble etc.
My ds has had a Saturday job before pre covid and is as sensible as a boy that age can be I guess.

I think it's fine.

Would he have to put the younger one to bed?

Yes he will be great at it.

I would. I left my neighbours dd babysitting mine at that age with my neighbour on standby and us nearby anyway .

At 14 I was left babysitting my db and dsis, although I wasn't in charge. They just left us.

Are there any friends and family or neighbours who he could call on in an emergency?

@myfuckingfreezer

I think it's fine.

Would he have to put the younger one to bed?

He might sometimes yes if I have to start earlier

It would need to depend on how long and when. A couple of hours if you can't get off work sooner, is fine, but a night shift, for instance, no.

Maybe get a home camera so you can check on things regularly would help if he was babysitting

Say 4pm - 10pm longest

I can't see there been any issues even with professionals.
Reassure him if he finds it difficult it is not a problem so he doesn't feel responsible.

Get a ring doorbell too.

Would 3 year old be in bed at 4pm? I would say yes if he was fed,begged and in bed but wouldn't leave a teenager in charge of dinner and bedtime routine.

@Howshouldibehave

I was babysitting for families with 3 children at 14. If he’s sensible, I wouldn’t worry at all.

Yep, me too.

Totally depends on your 14yo, op, and the rapport he has with the little one. And whether you think the little one would be fine if he woke unexpectedly to find DS there but not you.

Your 14yo sounds very sensible so I’m sure he’d be fine. I wouldn’t have left my DS1 at 14 to care for younger siblings but I suspect my now 11yo will, in three years time, be more than capable. It totally depends on the child.

@IanHBuckells

Would 3 year old be in bed at 4pm? I would say yes if he was fed,begged and in bed but wouldn't leave a teenager in charge of dinner and bedtime routine.

Yes I agree on this point, I would never let him bath him etc due to dangers there. I think I would get my mum to pop in for bed time then she could leave once he's in bed

I think this would be fine OP as you say your DS is sensible and you need to work. I would probably run through a list of do's and dont's also talk through certain situations, this is what I did when I left my DD home alone.

If your DS doesn't feel comfortable then you will need to find another solution but as he will turn 15 shortly I'm sure he will be fine especially as he is in his own home.

I know times have changed but I was babysitting at 13 and was left in charge of a 3 year old. Although for my DD our babysitters were all 16+ and lived nearby, my DH walked them home after we came home after a night out.

Thanks all for your comments it's been really reassuring

Yes I agree on this point, I would never let him bath him etc due to dangers there. I think I would get my mum to pop in for bed time then she could leave once he's in bed.
He can skip a bath. Would he play outside I'd be worried if he'd to watch outside otherwise early bath, pyjamas by 3.30pm, movie. No popcorn to avoid choking.

I think this is fine too. You know your children best. Some fourteen year olds can’t be trusted to make a bowl of cereal, other fourteen year olds are full time carers.

Im going against the grain here but no I wouldn't. I'm not against 14 year olds babysitting but for me a 3 year old is too young especially for dinner and bed time. 3 year olds are awful late afternoon when they get tired.

@EmeraldShamrock

Yes I agree on this point, I would never let him bath him etc due to dangers there. I think I would get my mum to pop in for bed time then she could leave once he's in bed. He can skip a bath. Would he play outside I'd be worried if he'd to watch outside otherwise early bath, pyjamas by 3.30pm, movie. No popcorn to avoid choking.

No he wouldn't play outside they would both be inside with door locked.

I used to babysit my little sister from about 12 years old (she's 10 years younger than me). I then babysat for neighbours from 14 for money, their children were similar ages to my sister. DSS2 looked after DS too in his mid teens (13 years older than DS). I wouldn't have asked my older DSS to do it though, he was too irresponsible.

If he's responsible then I would do it. I was babysitting my neighbours multiple kids at age 14...

And you could always give him the number of a friend/family member/trusted neighbour if he's worried about something.