14 year old babysitter

[misssunshine4040]

Would IBU to allow my mature, sensible 14 1/2 year old to babysit his 3 1/2 year brother.
It would be an occasional evening when I need to work and 3 year old would be in bed.
He's a good sleeper and 14 year old is very capable and good at helping out with him.
I've discussed whether he would feel happy doing this and how he would cope with an emergency etc.
He said he feels confident doing this.
I feel slightly uneasy in that it's just not the done thing. I trust my son to care for him, he's capable but I worry that in this day and age it's not acceptable.
I'm an over cautious parent I think and I don't want to spend my time worrying I'm being irresponsible or doing something wrong.
I myself was babysat by teens when I was small, all my friends were and most of my friends that age were looking after siblings and babysitting too.
Any views would be appreciated.

We have the same age gap and considered this recently but decided against it. Mostly because DS1 spends his evenings shouting at friends through gaming headphones and probably wouldn't hear DD. I might reconsider after reading this though, but only if he ditch the headphones. DD would already be asleep

Yes watching a sibling.is fine would you let him take his brother to the park or the shop without you? You need to work as he is sensible and at home anyway so why not. I baby sat my sibling more or less the same age difference at 14/15

@Oneborneverydecade

We have the same age gap and considered this recently but decided against it. Mostly because DS1 spends his evenings shouting at friends through gaming headphones and probably wouldn't hear DD. I might reconsider after reading this though, but only if he ditch the headphones. DD would already be asleep

My ds loves his gaming on headphones but we have the strict understanding that it's to be taken seriously as a job and no gaming on headphones allowed. He has to be alert for ds all the time until I am home etc

@Mrsjayy

Yes watching a sibling.is fine would you let him take his brother to the park or the shop without you? You need to work as he is sensible and at home anyway so why not. I baby sat my sibling more or less the same age difference at 14/15

He takes him to the shops for a treat quite a lot, the shops is a ten min walk with one small road and is always fine. He has taken him out on his scooter for a bit too the park before no issues.

I would think it’s fine if you’re only going a short way - say walking distance - and you could get back quickly in an emergency. I wouldn’t go too far afield.

Also depends on what your 3 1/2 year old is like!

I babysat similar aged kids when I was 15.

I did paid babysitting jobs from the age of 13. Of course that's fine

I don’t see the issue.

If it were me, I’d make sure there was an emergency plan (outside of the obvious 999 type scenarios), in terms of family/friends to call.

Might be a good idea to run theough the routine a few times with him doing the work, you only there in the background to get him used to bedtimes etc. I think payment also helps! :D

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I would think it’s fine if you’re only going a short way - say walking distance - and you could get back quickly in an emergency. I wouldn’t go too far afield.

Also depends on what your 3 1/2 year old is like!

I babysat similar aged kids when I was 15.

I'm not walking distance I'll be a 30 mins bus trip away

I babysat loads at that age. I think it’s fine.

Does he have anyone else he could call if he was unsure about something but it wasn’t quite call 999 territory? Handy as backup if you can’t answer for any reason. A neighbour, a relative, one of your friends? Setting that up in advance gives him a way of contacting a responsible adult for advice which is always reassuring.

Sure, good responsibility for him.

@tcjotm

I babysat loads at that age. I think it’s fine.

Does he have anyone else he could call if he was unsure about something but it wasn’t quite call 999 territory? Handy as backup if you can’t answer for any reason. A neighbour, a relative, one of your friends? Setting that up in advance gives him a way of contacting a responsible adult for advice which is always reassuring.

Yeah he has family he can call if he needs something urgent or advice etc so that's ok and they are all half an hour away

I think he'll be fine, the age gap is appropriate - wouldn't trust eg a 12yr old to behave for a 14yr old, but a tired/asleep 3/4yr old is OK.

We are trialing our 14 year old with babysitting for the first time this week. She will be looking after her 5 and 7 year old siblings. I’m I bit nervous but I babysat much younger kids at her age and she wants to do it.
It’s a different to your situation as we do have ds17 who will be in the house as well who she can get to help in an emergency. We would never trust him to babysit alone as he is a gamer and wouldn’t hear them. But good to have him as a back up.

Of course that's reasonable! 14.5 is definitely old enough! Did anyone not read The Babysitters Club books? They were based on real people apparently. I was babysitting at 12 years old, many were younger than me when they babysat. 14.5 is a bit of a late starter at babysitting. I'm 44, but kids back then were 'latch key' kids, meaning both parents worked or in the case of my best friend, her single mum worked and she was able to get herself off to school and start dinner on her own at aged 9. I am gobsmacked that these days parents don't teach their kids to start dinner until age 16 or 17 - if at all! 12 years old is old enough to be left at home, let alone babysitting, let alone 14.5!

'overly cautious' parents damage their children because they don't teach them life skills. Like I said, when I went to school, 9 year olds were getting themself off to school and starting dinner. 14 years old is quite late to start babysitting, and I would worry that at 14 they have little to no life skills and are too coddled. I would expect a 14 year old to be able to fully prepare a dinner and get themselves to and from school. In years to come, the way we are going backwards at 1000 knots, a 22 year old won't even be able to boil an egg! Or know how to open a door with a key! I worry that parents don't give their children responsibility or life skills, and the cognitive and social ability of children these days are so backward it is worrying. At 14.5, they should have been babysitting years ago, so stop worrying, and do the best thing you can do; make your child grow up and learn responsibility!

If you're nervous - maybe do a trial run? Maybe DS could take the lead in the bedtime routine for a couple of nights? Or him go to settle little bro if he wakes up?
That way you can see if he's got the practical skills at least.

But personally, if you're happy, and DS is happy to do it, I don't really see a problem.

I think it's fine! When I was 7, a 14 year old family friend babysat me, my 4 year old brother, and newborn twins! And that was less than 20 years ago.

If he is confident taking him out then he will be fine in the house for a couple of hours, just do it.

I wouldn't do it until he's at least 16. When I was little my parents left me with my sister for an evening. Long story short I ended up in hospital with sepsis (nothing my sister did, just bad timing). My parents picked up the phone and rushed back home immediately, but it left my sister so shaken. Really not fair to her.

@CokeDrinker

'overly cautious' parents damage their children because they don't teach them life skills. Like I said, when I went to school, 9 year olds were getting themself off to school and starting dinner. 14 years old is quite late to start babysitting, and I would worry that at 14 they have little to no life skills and are too coddled. I would expect a 14 year old to be able to fully prepare a dinner and get themselves to and from school. In years to come, the way we are going backwards at 1000 knots, a 22 year old won't even be able to boil an egg! Or know how to open a door with a key! I worry that parents don't give their children responsibility or life skills, and the cognitive and social ability of children these days are so backward it is worrying. At 14.5, they should have been babysitting years ago, so stop worrying, and do the best thing you can do; make your child grow up and learn responsibility!

He can do all of these things. He can cook his own dinner, gets himself to school 45 mins bus journey each way and had a Saturday job last year before covid shut the business. He is responsible in all these areas and I agree I think being so inexperienced in life at 14 is no good but I wondered if I would be placing my ds 3 in a dangerous position or if if something god forbid was to happen it would be my fault for allowing him to be in the care of a 14 year old.

@Mrsjayy

If he is confident taking him out then he will be fine in the house for a couple of hours, just do it.

It would be more than a couple of hours though. I work shifts so they could be alone for maybe 5 hours before I'm home. I have an adult dd who is 21 and she watches him but when our shifts clash that's the time I'm talking about

I think that’s fine as long as you can have your phone with you, if you see what I mean.

I had a 14 year gap between eldest and 2nd born and eldest babysat just fine.
Leave a list of emergency numbers, list of rules, talk through what to do if such and such happens and you'll be fine.
Once my youngest was sick in bed, got home and expected chaos but dd had cleaned her up and changed the sheets. They can really surprise you when given responsibility.

It's fine!

Honestly I do think 14 is a little young to be in charge of a very young child, especially in the evening. when I think about doing things I always try and imagine the news headline if something went wrong, and I do think in this case it would reflect quite badly on you.