Page 4 | 14 year old babysitter

misssunshine4040 · 2021-05-22T11:05:22+00:00

Would IBU to allow my mature, sensible 14 1/2 year old to babysit his 3 1/2 year brother. It would be an occasional evening when I need to work and 3 year old would be in bed. He's a good sleeper and 14 year old is very capable and good at helping out with him. I've discussed whether he would feel happy doing this and how he would cope with an emergency etc. He said he feels confident doing this. I feel slightly uneasy in that it's just not the done thing. I trust my son to care for him, he's capable but I worry that in this day and age it's not acceptable. I'm an over cautious parent I think and I don't want to spend my time worrying I'm being irresponsible or doing something wrong. I myself was babysat by teens when I was small, all my friends were and most of my friends that age were looking after siblings and babysitting too. Any views would be appreciated.

Flev · 22/05/2021 18:45

Family half an hour away is the only bit that would worry me - would your neighbour help him in an emergency if needed until family could get there? I'm talking things like a freak accident when half an hour would be a very long time for your son to be in charge.

Like many others I was babysitting at 13, but when babysitting my own brother I knew I could always bang on the wall if needed and our next door neighbour would be straight round.

SadieCow · 22/05/2021 18:48

Honestly I do think 14 is a little young to be in charge of a very young child, especially in the evening. when I think about doing things I always try and imagine the news headline if something went wrong, and I do think in this case it would reflect quite badly on you.

So why is the evening more of a risk? The child will be going to bed for most of the evening?

Very strange analogy.

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 22/05/2021 18:49

@rookiemere

Honestly I do think 14 is a little young to be in charge of a very young child, especially in the evening. when I think about doing things I always try and imagine the news headline if something went wrong, and I do think in this case it would reflect quite badly on you.

Yes this is my issue, if something were to happen how would it be viewed. I need to be 100% in my mind or I couldn't forgive myself

OP posts:

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 22/05/2021 18:50

@Flev

Family half an hour away is the only bit that would worry me - would your neighbour help him in an emergency if needed until family could get there? I'm talking things like a freak accident when half an hour would be a very long time for your son to be in charge.

Like many others I was babysitting at 13, but when babysitting my own brother I knew I could always bang on the wall if needed and our next door neighbour would be straight round.

I don't know my neighbours we are quite new here and I live in city where no one really introduces themselves in the street etc.

OP posts:

OwlTwitterings · 22/05/2021 19:04

I would give it a few trial runs to see but I would also make the effect to speak to a few neighbours and find one that you can explain the situation so you’re son can go there if he needs something as not all emergencies with a three year old require 999.

At the same time, if you have doubts, I assume you’ll be paying him in line with what a babysitter would have anyway so you could carry on with someone older coming in for a bit.

Londonmummy66 · 22/05/2021 19:07

It really depends on the children. DD babysat for other families at 14 although the youngest she looked after were 6&7. She was terribly sensible 14 going on 28 so I had no concerns about it. If your soon to be 15 year old is capable and your 3 year old unlikely to play up for him then why not.

MIC2689 · 22/05/2021 19:10

If you're anxious, we could trial him babysitting my 6 year old? . Honestly I was babysitting my sister at that age and it was fine! I knew what to do in an emergency and I actually really enjoyed it .

AlmostSummer21 · 22/05/2021 19:16

Your DS (14) sounds lovely, mature & capable & the boys seem to have a lovely relationship and your 3 yo will see him as 'in charge' with such a big age gap! (Much better than 12&14 Yo's being left alone together!)

Your DS (14) is happy to do it.

I wouldn't hesitate.

You'd only be 'in trouble' if you left them in a situation that was predictably dangerous, no in & of itself just leaving them at home together)

Hawkins001 · 22/05/2021 19:25

One possibility i'd say give him a trial and see how his skills hold up, then it will give you a base line on weather he is suitable.

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 22/05/2021 19:33

I think it'll be easier than looking after a 4yo during the day.
Make sure he remembers common sense stuff like not using headphones/gaming headsets because my 14yo is usually glued to one or the other.

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 22/05/2021 20:06

Yes I agree night time will be much easier as he will be sleeping and is very easy to pop back to sleep if he does wake up.
He won't cry for me as he offer goes through to his big brothers room to look for him when he wakes up.
I'm going to give it a trial and see.
I agree if I was only over the road I wouldn't have a problem but because I'm half an hour on a bus I feel a bit more uneasy

OP posts:

SnowdaySewday · 22/05/2021 20:08

If DS is sensible, then I'm sure they will be fine, as in they will be safe.

However, if this is on a school night, and a regular thing, then your 14 year will do a day in school, travel home and then a few minutes later be in charge until just before going to bed. That adds up to a long day with very little down-time. If 3-year-old doesn’t settle, and DS can't get his homework done, would he be in trouble at school the next day?

If DM is available, could she be there from 4-7pm then DS take over the babysitting once the 3-year-old is in bed? Or 3-year-old go to DGM's for the night?

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 22/05/2021 20:29

@SnowdaySewday

If DS is sensible, then I'm sure they will be fine, as in they will be safe.

However, if this is on a school night, and a regular thing, then your 14 year will do a day in school, travel home and then a few minutes later be in charge until just before going to bed. That adds up to a long day with very little down-time. If 3-year-old doesn’t settle, and DS can't get his homework done, would he be in trouble at school the next day?

If DM is available, could she be there from 4-7pm then DS take over the babysitting once the 3-year-old is in bed? Or 3-year-old go to DGM's for the night?

Valid points about school night I agree. Unfortunately his gran won't have him over to stay, doesn't enjoy babysitting etc but would maybe come out the few hours yes. He has nursery in the morning so couldn't stay anyway as she wouldn't take him for the start time.

OP posts:

Oblomov21 · 22/05/2021 20:29

Of course. Why ever not?

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 22/05/2021 23:00

@Oblomov21

Of course. Why ever not?

Just for the reasons outlined. I've not left him alone with anyone really other than a registered childminder and 2 family members but the family members are not able to watch him for me anymore. I'm a single parent and don't have anyone else to rely on. I feel like I'm being pushed into a corner as I don't know what else to do. I couldn't afford to pay lots for an evening or weekend childminder as it wouldn't even be worth my while working. I don't however want this to sway my decision too much and make a choice I will regret

OP posts:

OhSayWhat · 22/05/2021 23:06

I think it’s fine. I leave my kid’s alone at night and they just go to bed. If you had to leave work in an emergency surely a taxi would be quicker than the bus. And what emergency, really? It’s fine.

AlCalavicci · 22/05/2021 23:24

I think it is ok if you think your son can cope after all you know him better than any of us .

Could you do a couple of trial runs ? you tell DS the is looking after his brother from X time to X time and you get a good book and glass of wine and lock yourself in your bed room with the instructions that unless it is a emergency he is not to disturb you, he has to sort out crying / a snack & drink and put Baby brother to bed .
Try it a few nights on the run so they both get use to the routine

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 23/05/2021 00:04

@AlCalavicci

I think it is ok if you think your son can cope after all you know him better than any of us .

Could you do a couple of trial runs ? you tell DS the is looking after his brother from X time to X time and you get a good book and glass of wine and lock yourself in your bed room with the instructions that unless it is a emergency he is not to disturb you, he has to sort out crying / a snack & drink and put Baby brother to bed .
Try it a few nights on the run so they both get use to the routine

He's actually done this for before when I've needed to catch up on sleep for whatever reason. He's been told to look after him and not disturb me for a few hours and it's been absolutely fine. I think im probably over thinking. Deep down I know he would be fine and would be very responsible. I think because it's not my first choice and i tea would rather not have to rely on him, it's making it difficult. The family members who looked after him for me also know that I will need to use my son for childcare sometimes if they are not willing to help me anymore and they are ok with it too so they approve of him looking after my 3 year old as well.

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 23/05/2021 00:20

I'd only do it if there was a very close by adult who could be there in 5mins max if anything went wrong. Because if something did, you can never tell how people, especially a teen, will react . I babysat next doors baby at 15. Then i babysat other babies/toddlers in nearby villages , but I'd done first aid at Guides by then & was an ' old' teen, common sense wise. My friends at the time had absolutely no common sense. I'd never have trusted any of them with a baby or toddler. They'd be clueless & panic. When I was a Teacher there were teens who were eminently capable & sensible re that sort of thing from 13 & others who were a hot immature mess still at 16.

sweetypop · 23/05/2021 00:27

Sorry to go against the grain here but I absolutely would not do this. Far too much responsibility for a 14 year old. I would feel like my 3 year old was vulnerable and no way I would leave them without an adult. But as pp have said you know your own kids best and what they're capable of

Trekkerbabe · 23/05/2021 00:47

My only question is whether you live in a flat and whether the 14 year old would be able to get him and his brother out of your property if there were to be a fire?
You and everyone on here seems to be focusing on his capability to care which he sounds very good at but my question is around something my mother always said to me which is could you get yourself out of a property with a child in a fire At night?

MeanderingGently · 23/05/2021 00:56

I would, it will be fine. My daughter babysat at 14, she was mature and sensible enough to do it.
Since you say your 14 year is happy to do it, is mature enough and the youngster is a good sleeper, I think it would be absolutely no problem.
Make sure you've gone through a few "what to do if..." scenarios and you might worry less about it.

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 23/05/2021 02:28

@Trekkerbabe

My only question is whether you live in a flat and whether the 14 year old would be able to get him and his brother out of your property if there were to be a fire? You and everyone on here seems to be focusing on his capability to care which he sounds very good at but my question is around something my mother always said to me which is could you get yourself out of a property with a child in a fire At night?

Yes I believe that would be ok

OP posts:

Pinkylemons · 23/05/2021 02:43

Depends on your child. I’d leave my 15 year old daughter with a younger sibling but definitely wouldn’t leave my 14 year old son with a younger sibling. If you think your child will be ok then your are not being unreasonable .

AMillionMilesAway · 23/05/2021 02:48

I think it's fine.
I was regularly babysitting multiple siblings and cousins at that age.