14 year old babysitter

[misssunshine4040]

Would IBU to allow my mature, sensible 14 1/2 year old to babysit his 3 1/2 year brother.
It would be an occasional evening when I need to work and 3 year old would be in bed.
He's a good sleeper and 14 year old is very capable and good at helping out with him.
I've discussed whether he would feel happy doing this and how he would cope with an emergency etc.
He said he feels confident doing this.
I feel slightly uneasy in that it's just not the done thing. I trust my son to care for him, he's capable but I worry that in this day and age it's not acceptable.
I'm an over cautious parent I think and I don't want to spend my time worrying I'm being irresponsible or doing something wrong.
I myself was babysat by teens when I was small, all my friends were and most of my friends that age were looking after siblings and babysitting too.
Any views would be appreciated.

14 is definitely old enough. I was 13 when my youngest sibling was born and did loads of babysitting, taking them to the park etc.

My actual babysitter was 14 when she started. My youngest would have been 5 at the time.

Just make sure he has some first aid training easy to do Red Cross, at John ambulance service etc all offer it for cheap. Usually something like a 4hr course. Teaches resusitation, what to do if baby choking etc.

From your description of the circumstances and your son's capabilities it sounds fine to me.

If you think they're mature enough then I would.

@misssunshine4040

Would IBU to allow my mature, sensible 14 1/2 year old to babysit his 3 1/2 year brother. It would be an occasional evening when I need to work and 3 year old would be in bed. He's a good sleeper and 14 year old is very capable and good at helping out with him. I've discussed whether he would feel happy doing this and how he would cope with an emergency etc. He said he feels confident doing this. I feel slightly uneasy in that it's just not the done thing. I trust my son to care for him, he's capable but I worry that in this day and age it's not acceptable. I'm an over cautious parent I think and I don't want to spend my time worrying I'm being irresponsible or doing something wrong. I myself was babysat by teens when I was small, all my friends were and most of my friends that age were looking after siblings and babysitting too. Any views would be appreciated.

I babysat kids when I was 14 and felt okay with it, and if he can contact you easily then I'd say it's fine

As an aside (and I'm NOT saying this is essential before you have your teen babysitting), I think it would benefit you to get to know some neighbours even just slightly, and find a way for your son to be on neighbourly terms with them too.

There are several benefits to knowing who your neighbours are. One of them is that in an emergency (major or minor) it doesn't feel so daunting to approach them for help. That has always made a difference to my kids when they were home alone or when the older one was babysitting the younger one.

I'd make an excuse to go round and introduce yourself to some of them, maybe if you've baked something yummy or you want to warn them that you heard there had been a break-in up the road or you think they might like the bluebells you're digging up when you lay your garden to lawn. If their post is delivered to you by mistake then knock on their door rather than just putting it through the letterbox. That sort of thing. When I meet new neighbours who have young kids, I always take a few helium balloons round because most little children love them and it's a bit of a treat. Then later on send your son round so he too can meet them.

Even with the neighbours I only talk to two or three times a year, I feel much more comfortable if I've met them BEFORE there's a need to knock on there door because I need help or want to ask them to turn their music down.

I think you and your son might feel a bit more relaxed about him babysitting if he felt ready to approach neighbours in an emergency. Most people are kind and helpful and if he's met them even briefly he may feel it's okay to knock on their door. Or in the unlikely event that you/he discover that one of the neighbours does seem hostile or grumpy, at least you know to choose a different neighbour's door to knock on!

@sweetypop

Sorry to go against the grain here but I absolutely would not do this. Far too much responsibility for a 14 year old. I would feel like my 3 year old was vulnerable and no way I would leave them without an adult. But as pp have said you know your own kids best and what they're capable of

Same.

I think it is fine once the 3yr old is in bed, but unless he is very good about going to bed expecting a 14yr old to do the bedtime routine might be a bit much.

I like the suggestion of a trial with you in the house, definitely a good idea. Then perhaps at first have your Mum come over for the first few hours and DS is only in charge once the youngest is settled.

I would make sure you have a few strategies mapped out in advance in terms of what he could do if x event happens. Have several emergency contact numbers and be sure that they will be contactable on the day in question. Ideally find someone close by who is friendly and approachable and could be there pretty much instantly if needed, so make an effort to get to know a neighbour, ideally one with kids as they are more likely to be receptive if there is a prospect of the favour being returned.

Make some rules eg no headphones, no visitors, no leaving the house, check in to the bedroom or baby monitor once an hour. Call/text you to check in after the hourly check.

If you have the type of job where you can't use your phone or you can't get away easily in a minor emergency then you will need another adult to be the first contact.

@Lexilooo

I think it is fine once the 3yr old is in bed, but unless he is very good about going to bed expecting a 14yr old to do the bedtime routine might be a bit much.

I like the suggestion of a trial with you in the house, definitely a good idea. Then perhaps at first have your Mum come over for the first few hours and DS is only in charge once the youngest is settled.

I would make sure you have a few strategies mapped out in advance in terms of what he could do if x event happens. Have several emergency contact numbers and be sure that they will be contactable on the day in question. Ideally find someone close by who is friendly and approachable and could be there pretty much instantly if needed, so make an effort to get to know a neighbour, ideally one with kids as they are more likely to be receptive if there is a prospect of the favour being returned.

Make some rules eg no headphones, no visitors, no leaving the house, check in to the bedroom or baby monitor once an hour. Call/text you to check in after the hourly check.

If you have the type of job where you can't use your phone or you can't get away easily in a minor emergency then you will need another adult to be the first contact.

I can have my phone on me all the time. I won't expect him to do the bedtime routine. He's already looked after him while I have been in the house plenty times when I've been studying etc/ having a nap

Arrrgh why am I so anxious about this?

This would be my reason to say no. Only you know your son, only you know your set up so I’d something is tripping your inner doubt, there’s a reason for that.

Why not start with an evening out and see how it goes? Or, have a trial where you are there, but he needs to do everything and take it from there.

I baby sat a couple of times with absolutely no experience of kids and it went fine, but honestly, if there had been a problem, I don’t know how I’d have coped. Is there a neighbour you can call on to be someone he could go to if there is a problem?

Thanks all for your advice and views, I let him look after his brother today for 4 hours while I was at work.
It all went well and I was in constant communication via text every 20 mins so was very reassuring.
I won't do it very often maybe every couple of weeks but it was a good trial run and he said he felt fine and ds behaved so I feel much better about it alll

Babysitting courses tend to be from 14.

I left ds with a 13 year old babysitter (13 going on 21) when he was about 8, so not a small child, but still.

It's not about age, it's about maturity and whether you trust them or not.

@misssunshine4040 👏!

Definitely I babysat for my younger siblings at a similar age and for other people.

I am interested in my 14year old to do a babysitting course. I know not really necessary but if she wants to go out and be paid I would like her to have done a first aid course and general knowledge. Her American cousins had to do a course by law I think.

I think it is a good idea. Does anyone know of one?

@Juniper50

I am interested in my 14year old to do a babysitting course. I know not really necessary but if she wants to go out and be paid I would like her to have done a first aid course and general knowledge. Her American cousins had to do a course by law I think. I think it is a good idea. Does anyone know of one?

That sounds a good idea, I will have a google as I would like my son to do one too. Peace of mind for all