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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband booked a holiday,I don't want to do,aibu?

605 replies

breadbreadwine · 22/05/2021 10:44

My husband has booked a holiday for the half term.
I thought fab,just what we need...till he told me he has bought a 6 man tent and we are going away to Scotland for a week in a tent.
He's booked a parkdene tent holiday.
It was £155 for 4 of us and he has paid £700 for a tent.
He has bought sleeping bags,fridge etc
He said it's to save money.

Aibu here ?
A week in a tent in Scotland with 2 kids who don't sleep anyway.
I'm not high maintenance but I'm worried about the toilet /shower situation

I'm not happy

OP posts:
Lweji · 22/05/2021 11:57

@MrMucker

Wow-previous posters getting acerbic and calling me judgemental. All I have said is that there are numerous pros to the holiday he has intended, and additionally he has intended to do a nice thing because he was convinced that those pros were enough to make a good time for them all. Also, it is clearly a luxury item in terms of what it is, and perhaps OP has missed that mitigation. If he got it wrong, he got it wrong, but why get sweary and shouty at me for pointing those things out?! What is wrong with this place?
What is wrong with you calling the OP ungrateful for a holiday she was not consulted about and that she does not like?

Oh, little woman, be thankful your man took the trouble of booking any holiday at all, even if it's your idea of hell.

Fuck that. Is the only possible reply.

And, btw, that is what is right about this place, that misogyny is called out in no uncertain terms.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 22/05/2021 11:58

@MrMucker

Wow-previous posters getting acerbic and calling me judgemental. All I have said is that there are numerous pros to the holiday he has intended, and additionally he has intended to do a nice thing because he was convinced that those pros were enough to make a good time for them all. Also, it is clearly a luxury item in terms of what it is, and perhaps OP has missed that mitigation. If he got it wrong, he got it wrong, but why get sweary and shouty at me for pointing those things out?! What is wrong with this place?
What is wrong with pointing out that a person shouldn't be chivied or labelled negatively for not going along with something they know they don't like? Hmm

LOL @ the idea he's doing this as a favour to the OP. He's doing it for himself. Fair enough, he can go on his own.

My h doesn't like going to museums, history/ghost tours, opera or classical concerts. So guess what? I don't do those things with him, much less buy tickets for him and expect him to be grateful to me for it because I consider his feelings. DS loves these things, he's a real history buff. So we do these things together. Similarly, I don't like tent camping or sports involving water like swimming, kayaking or rafting. DD does. So he and DD go on their own and do that.

Mrsjayy · 22/05/2021 11:59

Some people wouldn't be able to not worry about it hmm. Some people won't be able to sleep in the fucking tent.

Good god so angry !

Magenta82 · 22/05/2021 11:59

@MrMucker

I just looked on eBay for 6 person tents which have recently sold for around the £700 pound mark. They are all without exception a mile away from the discomfort implied in lots of the responses. In fact a couple of them look more comfortable than my house. Ungrateful much.
I really don't understand why the OP should be grateful for something she hates the thought of and wasn't consulted on. This is a horrible mindset that criticises people for not having the feelings you think they should have.
MrsKeats · 22/05/2021 12:00

My dh would never book something without running it past me-especially not spending that kind of money.
I would hate that holiday too.

waitingforthenextseason · 22/05/2021 12:00

He had no business booking such a holiday and spending so much money without talking to you first.

Camping isn't for me. I would be sending him off with the kids on his own, frankly.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 22/05/2021 12:01

@Mrsjayy

Some people wouldn't be able to not worry about it hmm. Some people won't be able to sleep in the fucking tent.

Good god so angry !

It's angry to point out that some people have issues with shared toilets and showers Hmm. Right. My DS does (he has OCD and ASD).

Some people I know would not be able to sleep in a tent.

Roselilly36 · 22/05/2021 12:03

Tell him to take the kids on his own?

Brefugee · 22/05/2021 12:03

Just tell him to enjoy his holiday with the kids and you'll see them when they get back.

PhillipPhillop · 22/05/2021 12:04

@Twistered

Why don't you give it a try? You never know it might be the best experience ever. Long walks or cycles, exploring the area, chill out reading a good book, family outdoor games like rounders or makeshift obstacle courses, meeting new people at the site, kids making new friends, lunch at the local pub, ice creams and wee days out, Lazy BBQs, chip butties from the nearby chippie, drinks at night by the campfire ..... give it a go sure. You can make the tent all warm and cosy, use windbreakers outside, put twinkling fairy lights up, get an inflatable sofa for extra comfort for chilling, buy bats and balls for the kids, teach them to play chess and have a tournament.... This really could be the perfect relaxing holiday if you buy into it and give it a go Smile
You can do all that in a caravan/motorhome it doesn't have to be a tent. Is he going to be doing all the cooking and midnight toilet trips with the children/emptying the potties in the morning etc There's so many things you need to buy, hope he's thought of them all! And as for saying there'll be a toilet block yes, if you don't mind listening to strangers shitting and farting and finding pubic hairs in the showers and sinks, I could go on and on....Grin You have to WANT to camp and and unless you are going to do it in the future £700 is a lot of money to waste. I'd wave them off and enjoy the peace and quiet at home
Sn0tnose · 22/05/2021 12:06

All I have said is that there are numerous pros to the holiday he has intended, and additionally he has intended to do a nice thing because he was convinced that those pros were enough to make a good time for them all Nobody made him King of Family Holidays! He doesn’t get to make choices for his wife without discussing it with her first.

Also, it is clearly a luxury item in terms of what it is, and perhaps OP has missed that mitigation Perhaps the OP has missed that her husband has spent £700 of family money on a fucking tent? Are you serious? Unless it comes with a built in en-suite and someone who comes round of an evening to make sure all the beds are still inflated, it’s just a tent. A good quality, big tent, but still just a tent.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/05/2021 12:06

There is no way a tent can be more luxurious than a house if the weather is less than perfect. It hasn't got proper walls for a start!

My dad used to love camping, dragged us off every year, and mind you this was before it was mandatory to have facilities on-site so often there was just a grotty toilet several fields away with a standpipe nearby so we could collect cold water for the kettle. Washing up consisted of wiping the plastic plates with grass. The actual holidays were good but the tent bit was not. Mother refused to sleep in "a ruddy tent" (strong language for her!) and would decamp to a B&B. Dad wouldn't let us go too because it was too expensive Angry

I've done just one camping holiday without parents, when XH and I were courting. Booked a lodge for the second half of the trip and took the solemn oath never to do tent stuff again. (Also damaged DSis's tent in the process, ahem. Sorry about that.)

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 22/05/2021 12:06

Definitely wave him off with the kids!

It doesn't sound like he has much experience camping. So you will have to step in and 'save' the situation when it all gets too much for him and try to make it fun for the kids. Fuck that for a holiday!

Let him take the kids. In a few years, the trip will have become legend. They will say "Remember that holiday when we lost our way and arrived at the campsite at midnight and dad couldn't get the tent up in the pouring rain so we had to sleep in the car instead..."

And you will smile and think to yourself, "Yes, I was having a lovely quiet evening in a warm house with a takeaway and a glass of nice wine, watching what I wanted on TV. Great week, that one."

Lweji · 22/05/2021 12:07

You can make the tent all warm and cosy, use windbreakers outside, put twinkling fairy lights up, get an inflatable sofa for extra comfort for chilling
Or go for ready made warmth and cosyness in a caravan or a proper building.

buy bats and balls for the kids, teach them to play chess and have a tournament.
List things you can do at home or anywhere else without having to camp.

FictionalCharacter · 22/05/2021 12:12

I’d refuse to go in this situation. We are very experienced campers but if you don’t know what you’re doing it is not easy. Taking the kids on their first camping trip, during a cold Spring, when you’re clueless is a recipe for trouble. And in Scotland? It’s likely to be very cold at night. Has he bought sleeping mats/mattresses, a groundsheet, lights, tent spares?

Terrible idea and he should never plan anything like this without asking you.

ilikemethewayiam · 22/05/2021 12:12

Hell no!, that’s the holiday from hell for me. I need a decent bed and proper private bathroom. I really don’t get what goes through the mind of someone who just does something like this without a seconds thought as to whether the people involved would like it! It just boggles the mind and I would be furious if my DH did that without discussing it with me first. I couldn’t make it work. I would hate it from the get go. I agree with others, tell him to take the kids and have a nice time because you’re not going.

Darbs76 · 22/05/2021 12:13

I wouldn’t be happy either. I liked camping when I was younger but now I prefer a bed to sleep in!

EwwSprouts · 22/05/2021 12:13

I don't camp and we have a lovely arrangement where DH & DS go for a few days, BIL stays nearby in B&B and spends the days with them doing activities. I stay home and catch up with friends.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 22/05/2021 12:14

@Lweji

You can make the tent all warm and cosy, use windbreakers outside, put twinkling fairy lights up, get an inflatable sofa for extra comfort for chilling Or go for ready made warmth and cosyness in a caravan or a proper building.

buy bats and balls for the kids, teach them to play chess and have a tournament.
List things you can do at home or anywhere else without having to camp.

Exactly! And he can make the tent all warm and cozy as he likes.
Lweji · 22/05/2021 12:15

This thread reminded me of the time I accidentally booked a B&B room without a private bathroom and DS (10) made me change to a hotel with one.

He should also make sure the children are on board, or it will be hell - for him.

wewereliars · 22/05/2021 12:16

Stay at home and wave them off OP, a week on your own. bliss

andyoldlabour · 22/05/2021 12:17

After thirty years, I cannot think of one holiday that we haven't both sat down and planned it together.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 22/05/2021 12:17

@FictionalCharacter

I’d refuse to go in this situation. We are very experienced campers but if you don’t know what you’re doing it is not easy. Taking the kids on their first camping trip, during a cold Spring, when you’re clueless is a recipe for trouble. And in Scotland? It’s likely to be very cold at night. Has he bought sleeping mats/mattresses, a groundsheet, lights, tent spares?

Terrible idea and he should never plan anything like this without asking you.

Yep. I was in Northumberland in a very warm spring, days were hitting the 20s. It was still cold at night. I'd not have fancied sleeping near the ground. And the eastern side of Scotland is usually warmer and drier than the west. It's been a very cold spring here, and a wet one.
LunaTheCat · 22/05/2021 12:18

He can build good memories with the kids- you can stay at home with Netflix, wine and chocolate . He will never want to go camping again 😂

ClarkeGriffin · 22/05/2021 12:19

@MrMucker

I just looked on eBay for 6 person tents which have recently sold for around the £700 pound mark. They are all without exception a mile away from the discomfort implied in lots of the responses. In fact a couple of them look more comfortable than my house. Ungrateful much.
I have to question the state of your house if a £700 second hand tent is more comfortable than it. Confused