How much to pay parents for childcare?

[shivawn]

Currently pregnant with my first child and thinking ahead to how I'll manage childcare when I go back to work next year! My mum has offered to do childcare for me, she's expressed that she doesn't expect to be paid but we're in a decent financial position and I obviously want to. I just have no idea whats fair and normal. Our son will be 8 months old when I go back to work.

Just for background my mum is fairly young at 57 and retired early, she does the odd bit of airbnb for extra income but my dad hates having strangers in the house. Dad is also retired, he is 68 and they mostly live off his pension. This is their first grandchild and mum in particular is so excited and keen to be involved.

My situation is that I'm a nurse working 3 days a weeks (13 hour shifts) but I work every second weekend so it'll work out on average to 2 days a week that I need the childcare because DH will mind him at the weekends. My husband works 5 days a week, normal hours with a half day on Fridays. So the days that I'm working, he will collect our son from my parents at 5 or 1 if its a Friday.

I'll also be asking her to mind him one evening a week for a few hours so that we can go out for dinner and a date night, its important to me that we still make time and an effort for each other.

TLDR - How much should I pay my mum to mind my 8 month old for 2 days a week 8-5 and 1 evening a week?

Is 500-600 a month fair?

I paid my childminder £65 a day if that helps.

Seems fair to me, but honestly I would relax a bit & just wait till baby is here & see how you find it all.

I'll also be asking her to mind him one evening a week for a few hours so that we can go out for dinner and a date night, its important to me that we still make time and an effort for each other.

Wait and see on this bit. After a 12 hour shift for you and 12 hours of looking after DC for your husband, you might not fancy it every week.

Legally your parents need to be ofsted registered to accept money for childminding.

Going rate for childminders where we are is £40 per day.

whatever you'd pay a childminder.

The idea of paying grandparents to look after their own grandchildren is very strange to me though. Maybe it's the standard where you live but as your mum said she doesn't want to be paid so I wouldn't insult her with money.

Gve her some gifts instead or take her out for a meal as a thank you every now & then.

It’s illegal to pay anyone who isn’t registered to look after your child. You and your mum could potentially get into serious trouble IF anyone finds out.

I assume that you will be paying for this out of income rather than childcare vouchers or tax credits ( sorry those may be incorrect terms because I've never used them myself). There are only issues with paying grandparents if you use government schemes to pay them.

I knew someone would pop on here re 'not being allowed to pay parents'!
Of course you can pay them, it's not illegal. What you can't do is use the voucher scheme to pay them unless they are registered. which youve not mentioned

@FelicityPike

It’s illegal to pay anyone who isn’t registered to look after your child. You and your mum could potentially get into serious trouble IF anyone finds out.

Im not sure that's up to date advice. It was true a while back that relatives had to be registered as childminders but I think that has been relaxed a bit now, as I said in my earlier post. I will try to find a link.

My daughter pays me in cake.

My family help a lot but we just take them out for dinners, buy stuff etc so you could also do that.

@MiaowMiaow99

I knew someone would pop on here re 'not being allowed to pay parents'! Of course you can pay them, it's not illegal. What you can't do is use the voucher scheme to pay them unless they are registered. which youve not mentioned

Was going to ask how can it be illegal when many parents are happy to use teenagers as babysitters? I doubt the teenagers are ofsted registered.

My mum is planning one day a week for us but doesn't want paying she seemed a bit insulted we're going to cover her petrol, she'll have the guest room and stay the night and make sure we treat her to a nice dinner and wine when she's here and sprinkle in the odd gift/spa day 'from the baby'

I'm not sure how much I'd pay, is there any risk your mum might be offended if you try to pay her? I think it's a different situation if she gives up paid work to look after her grandchild.

So I suppose if you want to pay, and she's happy to accept, then I'd look into the going rate of a child minder?

Alternatively, could you treat your parents to a nice holiday once a year?? Or something else? Maybe something they wouldn't usually treat themselves to?

Nursery is £55 a day. My parents look after DD for a 6 hour day once a week and I don’t pay them, but do send her with her packed lunch and if they’re going on an outing or something I offer to pay but they never accept. They see it as spending time with their granddaughter rather than providing childcare.

The average cost of 25 hours professional childcare per week for an under-2 is around £115. So £500-£600 a week for two days and an evening is loads!

Why not pay petrol money and all food etc. and the cost of whatever activity? Then you'd feel like you're giving something and they wouldn't feel like they're taking too much when they're happy to do it for nothing.

It's not illegal to pay a relative fir childcare . I used to pay a friend which was technically not allowed (you can pay a friend for two hours childcare a day and it was a bit over this but all other cc options were full ) and I remember we used to joke that we would have to pretend to be related if we got in trouble
I also wouldn't plan to many date nights yet as you probably won't actually make them for the first six months
I think a day a week is quite common for free family childcare - more than this probably needs a think as it will long term be quite a commitment

Going rate here is £5 per hour for a childminder. Is she expecting to be paid? I think my mum in law, who could’ve helped out if she lived closer would’ve expected to do it for free and been offended at the offer.

@ClarkeGriffin , there used to be something about being paid to look after children in your own home, which is different to babysitting. So nannying/babysitting is different to child minding, I'm not sure if that still applies though?

I'd find out how much it would cost a childminder and pay half. That way, you are both benefiting from the arrangement. You are getting bargain, quality childcare and your mum is getting paid a little something for looking after her grandchild.

If she was giving up a job to do this, I'd pay more, but it doesn't sound like she is.

If she's adamant that she won't accept any money, I'd save it and use it to pay her in gifts - a spa day, a weekend away, whatever she likes.

I think she's making a very generous offer but is forgetting how ward it is to care for a baby, and how much it will impact her life. I wouldn't want her to start feeling resentful or taken for granted, especially if you go on to have more.

I wouldn’t be asking my parents to watch my DC once a week in the evening to get a date night every week , after they had already been watching them 2/3 days a week during the week.
I think that’s taking the piss a bit

And I think the evening babysitting should be occasional or monthly, weekly seems a big ask to me.

You need to have a discussion with her. She genuinely might be offended at being paid.

I would make sure that it didn't cost her anything. Petrol, food, entry fees etc.

Maybe give her £20/30 a day to cover any expenses.

Treat her to meals out, wine, flowers etc.

But won’t they have to pay tax on it?

I genuinely wouldn’t want money from my kids for child minding. Just the odd lunch out or box of chocolates is fine.

Legally your parents need to be ofsted registered to accept money for childminding.
@Flowerclock
No they don't unless op gets tax credits.

@KatherineOfGaunt

The average cost of 25 hours professional childcare per week for an under-2 is around £115. So £500-£600 a week for two days and an evening is loads!

Why not pay petrol money and all food etc. and the cost of whatever activity? Then you'd feel like you're giving something and they wouldn't feel like they're taking too much when they're happy to do it for nothing.

OP has asked if £500-600 a month is fair, not £500-600 per week.