Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much to pay parents for childcare?

106 replies

shivawn · 22/05/2021 08:19

Currently pregnant with my first child and thinking ahead to how I'll manage childcare when I go back to work next year! My mum has offered to do childcare for me, she's expressed that she doesn't expect to be paid but we're in a decent financial position and I obviously want to. I just have no idea whats fair and normal. Our son will be 8 months old when I go back to work.

Just for background my mum is fairly young at 57 and retired early, she does the odd bit of airbnb for extra income but my dad hates having strangers in the house. Dad is also retired, he is 68 and they mostly live off his pension. This is their first grandchild and mum in particular is so excited and keen to be involved.

My situation is that I'm a nurse working 3 days a weeks (13 hour shifts) but I work every second weekend so it'll work out on average to 2 days a week that I need the childcare because DH will mind him at the weekends. My husband works 5 days a week, normal hours with a half day on Fridays. So the days that I'm working, he will collect our son from my parents at 5 or 1 if its a Friday.

I'll also be asking her to mind him one evening a week for a few hours so that we can go out for dinner and a date night, its important to me that we still make time and an effort for each other.

TLDR - How much should I pay my mum to mind my 8 month old for 2 days a week 8-5 and 1 evening a week?

Is 500-600 a month fair?

OP posts:
userintgerain · 22/05/2021 08:57

My mum and mother in law won't be paid. They love having them, keeps them young and the get quality time with my babies. I just make sure any costs are covered. Buy shopping here and there, ask if they want to do any activities and pay for them. Always pay for their meals when we go out with them.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 22/05/2021 08:58

I think the evening babysitting is too much. I don't know anyone with a baby (or even older children!) who gets out every week for 'date night'. Ask someone else if you must.

ChocOrange1 · 22/05/2021 08:59

My MIL used to have DD one day a week. We didn't pay her but did regularly buy her little thank yous and also paid for annual passes to local places like gardens, so she could take DD there but also use it herself on other days if she wanted.
I think some parents would be offended by being paid to look after their grandchildren, like they're in it for the money.

Also I think you can transfer your national insurance credits to your mum, which might help towards her state pension contributions.

ChocOrange1 · 22/05/2021 09:00

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

I think the evening babysitting is too much. I don't know anyone with a baby (or even older children!) who gets out every week for 'date night'. Ask someone else if you must.
I also agree with this. Once a week is quite a lot, especially if they're already having them for 2 full days. I know you want to "make time for each other" but you can do that at home without getting a babysitter. I don't know anyone who has a baby and a weekly date night.
Original poster
shivawn · 22/05/2021 09:02

I think she's making a very generous offer but is forgetting how ward it is to care for a baby, and how much it will impact her life. I wouldn't want her to start feeling resentful or taken for granted, especially if you go on to have more.

I agree, thats why I want to insist on paying.

I wouldn’t be asking my parents to watch my DC once a week in the evening to get a date night every week

Again, why we're paying. If we could find a reliable babysitter than that's fine too.

I also wouldn't plan to many date nights yet as you probably won't actually make them for the first six months

No definitely not, I plan on staying with baby all the time for the first 6-8 months. Just thinking ahead past that now when considering finances.

So £500-£600 a week for two days and an evening is loads!

Its a month not a week Blush, 600 a week would be my entire wages.

After a 12 hour shift for you and 12 hours of looking after DC for your husband, you might not fancy it every week.

Knowing us thats exactly when we will fancy it 😄, in our current carefree lives we'd often say screw it we're going out after a particularly hectic stressful workday! We live city center in a real foodie city too so we're walking distance to loads of our favourite places.

OP posts:
Whinge · 22/05/2021 09:04

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

I think the evening babysitting is too much. I don't know anyone with a baby (or even older children!) who gets out every week for 'date night'. Ask someone else if you must.
I agree with this. I understand making time as a couple is important, but an evening each week out of the house for a designtated date night seems a bit much.

I think the money is on the high side, especially as she says she doesn't want to be paid.

Original poster
shivawn · 22/05/2021 09:05

Also I think you can transfer your national insurance credits to your mum, which might help towards her state pension contributions.

Thank you, I'll look in to this.

OP posts:
TheMotherlode · 22/05/2021 09:08

I think it’s quite a lot of money, you would pay that much for nursery.
MIL looks after DD two days per week and it’s never occurred to me to offer her any money, she wanted to do it. I do however pay for any classes and activities that they want to do on those days and occasionally buy PILs a nice lunch/dinner out to say thanks.

shouldistop · 22/05/2021 09:10

My mum and mil would never accept money for caring for the kids. We've never asked them for more than one day a week though (shorter day of 9-4) and the odd overnight once ds1 slept through reliably as a toddler.
I think asking for the evening every week for a date night is a bit much tbh. Both dm and mil would think we were taking the piss if we asked for that as well as childcare for working hours.
A weekly date night just doesn't happen for any parents of small children that I know. Monthly maybe.

CommanderBurnham · 22/05/2021 09:13

I'd give her about 300 a month - as you won't be able to claim childcare vouchers etc.

Then give her cash to pay for activities, lunches out with little one.

She's will still have to provide food and things for baby.

You're right to pay as she will likely not do as much Airbnb if she's looking after your child.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 22/05/2021 09:13

A weekly date night? I think that may change when the baby is actually here. I don't think that's very realistic.

Callmecordelia · 22/05/2021 09:15

I knew someone who's mum looked after her child, and instead of paying in cash paid for her Mum's double glazing.

supercatlady · 22/05/2021 09:21

Rules on being OFSTED registered are here - www.gov.uk/guidance/childminders-and-childcare-providers-register-with-ofsted/registration-exemptions - doesn’t apply to relatives.
However any income would be liable to tax and NI and you may need to register with HMRC as an employer.

ncgy · 22/05/2021 09:22

Knowing us thats exactly when we will fancy it 😄, in our current carefree lives we'd often say screw it we're going out after a particularly hectic stressful workday! We live city center in a real foodie city too so we're walking distance to loads of our favourite places.

It's the addition of the baby & potential lack of sleep that will impact.

WeAllHaveWings · 22/05/2021 09:25

they don't want paid, I would have embarrassed my parents by paying them, they are family not staff.

Make sure you cover any costs, days out at zoo for example maybe pay for the occasional meal out /bottle of wine to say thank you and let them know how much you appreciate them, involve them in your life too so they don't feel like just childcare and I'm sure they'll be much happier than being paid.

Soontobe60 · 22/05/2021 09:27

I look after my grandchildren 1 day a week. I don't get paid, nor do I expect to.

schofieldsunderpants · 22/05/2021 09:28

I'd be careful with the weekly babysitting part, especially if you're going to pay, that your parents don't feel they can't say no to it (because you're paying)
Have they offered that part? I'm not sure if it was my parents I'd ask for that much. Maybe once a month and then see if they offer more.

You know your parents though!

Original poster
shivawn · 22/05/2021 09:31

It's the addition of the baby & potential lack of sleep that will impact.

You might be right, its my first. I'm just hoping for the best for now!

OP posts:
JackRabbitSlimsTwistContest · 22/05/2021 09:31

@schofieldsunderpants

I'd be careful with the weekly babysitting part, especially if you're going to pay, that your parents don't feel they can't say no to it (because you're paying) Have they offered that part? I'm not sure if it was my parents I'd ask for that much. Maybe once a month and then see if they offer more.

You know your parents though!

Yes these were my thoughts , it seems a bit entitled- I’m paying therefore I shall have my weekly night out
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 22/05/2021 09:32

@knittingaddict

My daughter pays me in cake. Grin
🤣

my children will have to pay me in luxury hand dyed wool.
it's gonna be a good deterrent 😉

schofieldsunderpants · 22/05/2021 09:33

@shivawn

It's the addition of the baby & potential lack of sleep that will impact.

You might be right, its my first. I'm just hoping for the best for now!

Keep hoping WinkGrin

Nah it's amazing, but exhausting! Enjoy every moment

knittingaddict · 22/05/2021 09:36

my children will have to pay me in luxury hand dyed wool.
it's gonna be a good deterrent 😉

Now you're talking. That's my dream currency. Something covetable from the US would be perfect.

knittingaddict · 22/05/2021 09:38

Bold fail, sorry

Original poster
shivawn · 22/05/2021 09:39

Yep she has many times told me that she wants to do the childcare.

OP posts:
Whinge · 22/05/2021 09:42

@shivawn

Yep she has many times told me that she wants to do the childcare.
Childcare during the day to help you and your partner work is one thing, but is she expecting to do an evening each week so you can go on a date night?

I also think it's important to have flexible plans as caring for a young child can be pretty draining, and using family members doesn't always work out.