Not really Aibu but a Wwyd

[hoolahoola22]

Dd goes to pre school, theres a dad that is friendly and chats to everyone, we say hello and as our dcs are friendly he asked a few weeks ago if we wanted to go on an outing at a weekend, i said i work every other weekend but he kept pushing for different days, the kids were both there and he was asking them and making it seem fun to them, and made me feel put on the spot so i said id let him know, few days later i saw him and told him i was busy and couldnt do a trip,i got called over by a nursery teacher so that cut the conversation short but he stood there waiting while i was talking to the teacher, he makes me feel really uncomfortable, hes always hovering about,i saw him drive past me and dd on the school run then must have gone around the block as he then drove past us again just in time to park up at the bottom of the road me and dd were on and then he walked to nursery with us and his dd from there even though i was on the phone, he does things like this all the time and its making me feel uncomfortable, what would you do

Tell him you can't do weekends but your partner might, you'll ask him if he wants to meet up with another Dad.

See how he responds to that.

Dh told me to say something like that, I know this post sounds pathetic but hes making me feel so uncomfortable

Does he know you're not single? Sounds like he thinks you might be interested...

I dont know? Hes never asked but dh takes dd somedays so he would have seen him

Well is he good looking?
I'm only having a laugh. Probably time to be a little more assertive and just say no or blank him q few times. Like literally blank him. Its hard but I had to do it to a school mum. it was really hard and I gave in a few times and said "oh sorry I didn't see you" but after a few weeks we stopped saying hi. She was a clinger and now I don't say hi to anyone on the school run and it is bliss!

I have tried blanking him, he saw me coming yesterday and stopped right infront of me and said you alright,so i couldnt ignore him, i just said hello and walked on, just want him to get the hint

Am guessing the answer is no due to work commitments but maybe do the school run with your husband day?

@hoolahoola22

Dh told me to say something like that, I know this post sounds pathetic but hes making me feel so uncomfortable

Say it then?

But also make it clear you don't want to, rather than you're too busy.

If he asks again tell him that between working weekends and other family commitments, you won't have a spare weekend for yourself and your Dh to join him for some time. I'd say the suggestion that your Dh will be going will be enough to put him off. If he says you can go without Dh, tell him weekends are family time so of course your Dh would be coming.

The children are friendly, he does the school run, it's logical that he will talk to you.

Tell DH to go on this man bonding session.

None of the other parents on the school run make me feel uncomfortable, i know its logical that people speak on the school run

Ugh. At best he’s a lovely guy with poor social skills. At worst he’s a creep.

This is no time for subtlety - no more, “I’ll let you know” - say a plain no, every time. “No thanks, I don’t want to arrange any meet ups.” Don’t add “... at weekends” or excuse re family time. Just a straight, “no thanks, I don’t want to.” If he asks why, you can say life’s just too busy and you choose to spend leisure time as a family. But start off with the simple “no.”

I feel like he does things on purpose, like i mentioned before he drives past me and dd on the school run, then drives round the block again so by the time im at the end of the road he parks up and gets out the car so i cant avoid him, i have walked a different way to nursery and the days i do that oh guess what, hes driving that way today and then parks at the end of that road instead, the other day he was randomly standing on the corner of the road with his dd, almost like he was just waiting for us to come along, when i am late to pre school i have seen him look both ways as he comes out of the pre school then slows down and faffs about so he can be about as i get there

He hasnt actually asked again but if he does i will say no, its the creepy way hes been acting that i dont like

Adding diagram

Can you get your dh to do the drop off with you?
I would guess that would 'scare'/put him off.
He might just be lonely and unsure how to make friends as the only man around lots of women. But I totally don't blame you for feeling creeped out. It sounds very horrible and would make me very anxious

So my normal route is a one way road, i used to walk that way to the pre school and he would park at the bottom and then hover and walk along with me and dd, now i go the other route he must drive up my normal route see im not there then drive down my road and along other route but then he drives back round again as by the time im at the top of other route he then parks his car and i have to walk down pre school road with him

Every time me and dh do the school run together we never see him

I don’t know, sounds like he’s just trying to set up a play date. Is it just because he’s a Dad, would you go if the Mum asked?

If you’re happy for the kids being friendly maybe suggest DH goes so it’s the Dads and kids instead.

Say you can’t make it but your dh can.

If he was to ask me again about going out i would be more firm and just say no, but in the meantime how do i get him to stop making me feel uncomfortable, i cant tell him where to park, i do feel a bit bad as yeah he might just want to make friends as the only dad around mums but hes creeping me out

He sounds really pushy and odd he doesn't get in your face when your DH is with you - that does seem to tip his behaviour into the creepy category.

Its not because hes a dad its because hes creepy

Literally never see him when im with dh, but dh has seen him when dh has gone alone

He sounds creepy!