To say that being a single mum is absolutely shite...

[JadedStrumpet]

I KNOW it's better to go it alone than be stuck in a bad relationship. However...

I'm a single mum to nearly three year old twins and I have just about had it with how relentlessly hard and shit my life is. My husband left when they were 15 months old. Mental health issues and fatherhood just being too hard for him to cope with Doesn't see them and isn't even paying maintenance at the moment as he's off sick from his job.

I am constantly utterly exhausted. I can't even remember what it feels like to not be tired. I have one health issue after another. Shingles,
a bad eye infection and now a cough I can't shake off all within the last few months. I'm also going through premature menopause They go to nursery two days a week and I normally work on those days. I have been doing a night course at college one day a week, but have just had to put it on hold as I just cannot keep up with the work at present.

My parents help out, but tbh it doesn't really help me have much semblance of a life beyond being able to get to hairdressing appointments, attend my college course etc. My ex DH parents live at the other end of the country.

I'm starting to resent all my friends. I'm jealous of the child free ones interesting careers & spare time and I'm jealous of the ones with DC as they all have partners to help. It's making me bitter and introverted which.I never used to be.

I have no time for a relationship and can't imagine ever trusting a man ever again anyway.

I love my DC more than life but feel like I am nothing more than a slave to them. I have no life of my own. I look at my life and genuinely wonder how the fuck I ended up like this. I feel like a shell of a human being. My poor amazing DC deserve so much more.

It's just fucking shit

Bless you. I have 3 year old twins and I find it difficult with a partner. So it's no wonder you find it really difficult (understatement). Easier said than done but your health is more important than getting the housework done etc. Try and skim all non essential tasks until they go to school. You are doing so well and you are going through a very tough patch. Not long and they will be in full time school. Hopefully that will make it easier for you. Hang in there. One day at a time.

Yes, it’s utter shite at times.
I can’t imagine how hard it is with 3 year old twins- as they get older it will get easier as they need less hands on care.
However, it is still shit at times. My weekends are spent ferrying the kids to clubs and hobbies, staying in in the evenings because I can’t afford a babysitter etc
I got made redundant a couple of months ago and am finding it so hard to find another job because everywhere where my skills apply want me to be able to work until 6/7pm and weekends which I can’t do. There’s no childcare at those times and no other parent to pick them up.
My nearest family is over an hour away, grandparents closer to 3 hours away so no day to day help or evening babysitters whatsoever.
Exh is totally out the picture, his choice, absolutely his loss because the kids are amazing.
Life is relentless though, always my turn to cook, to clean, to tidy, no lie ins, someone always wants me for something, no one to pick up the slack.
It’s incredibly lonely too, unless someone is in the same situation they don’t get it at all. My friends all say I’m amazing etc but I don’t feel it, I get on with life because I have to and I’m strong and together because I have to be because there is no one else, at all.

Sorry for the down in the dumps post but I’ve just been passed over for yet another job purely because of the constraints on the hours I can work.

I was widowed with a two year old and a baby, OP, so I know how tough it is. My nearest relatives were 250 miles away, and I was working a stressful job as a hospital doctor.
My entire life at the time consisted of work, chores, grief and childcare, I had no social life whatever. I never remarried, and raised my DC completely alone. They are 30 and 31 now, and I am retired, and life is very much more enjoyable.
It will honestly get better for you quite soon. Your DC will be less dependent and far better company - they will chat to you, help in the house, be out at school or round at friends’ houses, so you will start to get some time for yourself. Look ahead to that, plan what you would like to do about hobbies, studying etc. You are almost through those tough early years - hang on in there!

Did you manage to speak to HV @JadedStrumpet