To ask for MN views: DH and I can’t agree on SEN school vs MS

[ClocksATickin]

DC10. Currently in a small private primary school but due to changes in employment, will be going to a state secondary.

DC has a diagnosis of ASD, high anxiety and is being screened for mutism (they have full language but is unable to speak to anyone expect a few close friends and nuclear family; not a soul more than this).

Currently receives SaLT and OT .

DC is compliant and masks very well in school but is explosive, uncooperative and demand avoidant at home. They have SEN support in school.

Academically meeting targets but has made no progress in social and emotional development and is behind in this area.

EHCP is in draft stage; we do not currently know the content.

I want to investigate our out of county specialist school who specialise in communication and interaction difficulties (ASD) and moderate learning disabilities.

DH wants DC to attend the state comprehensive which gets very good results, is high pressure and academic in nature. SEN support appears to be good but, I wasn’t thrilled with some of the SENco’s suggestions as it really felt they didn’t understand my DC needs.

I think DC would be happier in the SEN school as they appear more suited to DC as a whole person. Plus, DC struggles with things such as organisation, home learning and homework —completely refuses— .

DH feels that the loss of full GCSE avenue is too big of a gamble.

It’s causing a lot of friction between us and we have to make a decision.

AIBU to think I am right and DH is most certainly wrong?

“ I wasn’t thrilled with some of the SENco’s suggestions as it really felt they didn’t understand my DC needs”

I think this is important- with the right approach from the school I’m not sure sen vs mainstream school is such a huge distinction, but if your have concerns about the specific ‘package’ of support the Mainstream school will put in place then I would ask more questions.

I work with children with selective mutism and it’s a resource and time intensive process- definitely ask For specifics about what they in end to do.

You need to look at all options and then weigh up the pros and cons for both. Nobody else can decide for you really.

Ds is starting secondary in September. I always thought he would need specialist but when I looked at what was available locally there wasn’t anywhere right for him, and the lack of academic options was a big deciding factor, so he will be going to a small mainstream with full 1-1. There are still many worries but i feel it’s the best of what is available locally.

Don’t rush the decision, don’t make it specialist v mainstream but more about where is best for him

As the parent of two autistic girls (one is finishing mainstream at the end of year 6 and will go to a specialist secondary, our local mainstream sounds like yours, the youngest did a year in mainstream but now in Sen) I would go and view and see what each offers. My older daughter is going to a Sen school that offers GCSEs. Personally having spoken at length to the only mainstream high school locally it wanted our daughter to conform
and fit with her neurotypical peers.

I found high school very difficult and I didn’t want my dd with her additional challenges to be shoved into a round hole.

Having been in a similar situation we went with the SEN school. My DC is of a similar profile and the needs assessment as part of the EHCP process really highlighted how a sen school could support them. The mainstream schools consulted agreed they couldn't meet their needs anyway. Good luck. It's a tough decision.

Well mines in an asd unit and is doing GCSEs. Not sure what you mean there.

Personally I'd pick a SEN setting over mainstream any day because they have the resource for any other issues that might crop up.

What do you mean you don't know what's in the draft EHCP? You should have the draft

You need to visit the schools and see if they can meet your child's ,needs Asd is such a huge spectrum as well as other Possible co morbids Such as learning disabilities,what's appropriate for one child won't be appropriate for another .

Working with children like your DC, my gut instinct would be for SEN school unless I was confident that the mainstream SenCo was on the same page as us, and crucially able to have clout throughout the school.

I've regularly picked up classes with a high proportion of SEN students and can't confidently say that each teacher has properly adjusted for their needs. I've also had students with SEN needs moved into my classes because our SENCo felt it was the right placement for the child.

I've worked with some fantastic SENCos and I would totally trust them to try and do what is right for my child, if I was in that situation. They also have evidence of the extensive support available through their SEN programme.
I have also seen decent SENCos have their hands tied on big interventions and some teaching staff who do very little to support children with SEN beyond giving an extra worksheet or saying the student can ask for help.

It's probably time to get off the fence though, sorry.

It’s such a hard choice, I’ve been there!
My concern with the specialist you mentioned is that it caters for children with moderate learning difficulties, there may not be a peer group for your DS.

My DS started in the local mainstream comp, he’s now in year 8 and we’ve finally found an amazing school for him and are going to tribunal to get it named on his EHCP. The local comp hasn’t been awful, DS has a 1-1 in nearly all lessons and doesn’t have to do PE and homework but it’s got to the point where I feel he’s being babysat rather than making the progress he’s capable of.

@callingon what do you mean by resource and time intensive for SM?

The SENco has not mentioned anything specific about how DC will be supported with SM other than they’ll inform all of their teachers and not ask them to read aloud in class.

@gamerchick the SEN school I think will be a good fit doesn’t offer the full spectrum of GCSEs . There are no ASD units near us.

@Sirzy good to know and reassuring . I wish you and your DC luck for September.

I know it’s our decision, it’s such a difficult one though.

DH feels that the loss of full GCSE avenue is too big of a gamble.

Is the purpose of education so that a child can learn information and acquire skills and knowledge that will serve them in their lives to fulfil their best potential?

Or is the purpose of education to gain specific qualifications?

I'd argue that if your DC is miserable and cannot learn effectively, full GCSEs aren't going to help at all anyway. Communication skills and getting comfortable enough to learn well and then apply knowledge and find a path would be my priority. You can take GCSEs at any age anyway.

100% SEN school. Literally a no brainier. A mainstream school won’t make life for your child any easier, and it won’t iron out any special needs.

@MSQuinn My concern is that DC will start mainstream and then will not be able to cope and will have to move resulting in more disruption.

Depending on where you are in the country he won't meet the threshold for special.

Resource provision in a secondary school?

@lostlife is there a threshold for special schools? What is it? I do worry that DC might not be suitable for SEN but is also struggling in MS primary .

@x2boys I will arrange a visit once I’ve convinced DH we should at least see it as an option.

I could go to the SEN school and feel it’s not the right fit, but having already visited the MS school and met with the SENco , I don’t think MS is a good fit. The SENco was nice enough but I just felt some of the issues I raised was a simple case of “well it’s tough luck, DC will need to comply” (not in those words!) .

@LolaSmiles Thank you; I think my concern is that I wasn’t fully convinced the SENco understood my DC needs and it has dampened any thoughts I had that they would fully support him.

If he is currently explosive every night after attending a supportive primary school I would be concerned about increased pressures in a mainstream secondary. There will be more transitions and higher demands. I am not sure if you will get funding for a specialist placement though you may need to appeal.

@Cactusowl good luck! It’s such an arduous process…

Do you have more than one mainstream option available locally? It may be that one is a much better environment for him than the other.

[quote ClocksATickin]@lostlife is there a threshold for special schools? What is it? I do worry that DC might not be suitable for SEN but is also struggling in MS primary .[/quote]
The vast majority of state SEN schools cater for children with a learning disability. If the child doesn't have a learning disability, they won't have a peer group. For example, my DD1 is a pretty 'average' kid at special school. She's working at year 2-3 ability in maths and year 1 ability in English. She's in year 10.

@NoSquirrels Those are my thoughts exactly. DH feels DC needs GCSEs to get through life. However, DC can not even manage a shower without constant cajoling and help; I’d like to focus on life skills.

YANBU to assume a mainstream secondary school won't be able to meet need.

You are likely to have a fight on your hands with the LA though as they try to fit SEN children into mainstream at all costs.

I write EHCPs and tbh, you won't get much choice. The schools will be asked if they can meet need and your panel will place at MS if they say yes (and can direct if they say no). Don't get your heart set in special as you may be disappointed 😞