WWYD if your neighbour said this?

[breakingupslowly]

New neighbour - man in his 50s/60s, lives alone. I’ve seen him a few times but he’s never acknowledged my presence despite me smiling and saying hello. Fair enough, I don’t mind him keeping himself to himself.

BUT he eventually found his voice and the first thing he asked was “how old is your daughter?”

I was instantly like 😐 I asked him why he asked? Then he said he’d got teenage daughters and asked if I’d like some of their old bags for her to use for playing dressing up. I politely declined but he handed them over the fence anyway. Really ugly, old fashioned clutch bags that you’d expect to see in the 90s.

Aibu to feel really creeped out by this? I’m a single parent so it’s just me and dd at home. I feel really uneasy.

The old 'half a tin of stewed meat' ruse....

Lydia will know about it.

😂😂😂
Oh, Lydia, you've been an entertainment in yourself

I read thread after thread on MN where posters say exactly this and I don’t understand why you’ve received all these negative responses.

I think the mean girls are out in force this evening. Do trust your instincts OP, he may be perfectly innocent or he may be a weirdo who asked single woman how old their teenagers are. No one on this thread knows for sure, so ignore the nasty comments.

@GreyhoundG1rl

The old 'half a tin of stewed meat' ruse....

Lydia will know about it.

😂😂😂
Oh, Lydia, you've been an entertainment in yourself

I was going to say "trust your gut huni xx"

But I think after half a secondhand tin of stewed mystery meat, your gut is the last thing you'd be trusting.

🤣

@KizzyKat91

Why are people talking like this guy is a harmless, lonely 80ish year old who comes from the generation that randomly hands out sweets and gives out presents to neighbourhood kids?!

Op said he’s 50s/60. My dad’s 61. A) He’d take absolutely no notice of next doors teenage children unless they were causing problems, B) he’d never in a million years ask how old a neighbours teenage daughter is, C) it would never even occur to him to pass on any of my old stuff and D) he would definitely consider that kind of behaviour to be creepy and inappropriate.

Trust your gut instinct OP. This is exactly the kind of behaviour my ex neighbour would display. He was a peeping Tom. Every time I was sunbathing or in the garden revising as a teenager, he’d set up a ladder against the fence and pret

I doubt OP's DD is a teenager if the neighbour thinks she might fancy playing 'dress up' with some old bags...

What have you got to lose by trusting your gut?

Nothing.

I’d be wary.

This post makes me really sad. Some people especially the older generation hate to see anything going to waste, this could be the reason he offered your daughter those bags. As for hanging onto stuff from 1993 there is still stuff in my dads belonging to me that he would never throw out.The fact that you are talking about being wary about letting your daughter out in the garden after a couple of fleeting interactions with this man, says more about your mindset than his tbh.

If your getting a bad gut feeling don't ignore it. Be polite but you have to keep your wits about ya. Good luck.

Sounds bit creepy to me too. But equally he could be harmless.
I'd trust your instincts though personally.

Trust your instincts OP. We pick up so much unconsciously from body language and expressions that we can't really explain it in words, but it's part of our natural survival.

None of us know what his intentions are, sometimes we perceive danger when there is none but it's better to be cautious (at least until you know him better) than to regret not being cautious enough.

@MargaretThursday

I was given an old handbag from an elderly man who lived round the corner and had only seen me going past with dm when I was about 5 or 6. I think it had been his wife's. I loved that little handbag and took it everywhere (and he'd put some sweets and a little purse in with a few coins-to me at that point a fortune, I think it was about 50p!) for years. He never spoke to me again, but I always waved when I went past his house for years, and he'd wave back if he saw. I'm glad that dm didn't see it as a nasty thing, as I think it gave him a lot of pleasure seeing me using it, and I had a lot of pleasure from it.

Aww bless that's so sweet! I mean that in a non-patronising way btw! How kind of him

@FTEngineerM

👀 get your pitch form our Lydia, we’ve been here just over 2 years.. dun dun dun

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Livelovebehappy

It’s sad that a man just because he lives alone is perceived that way. If he had a partner, your reaction probably would have been so different.

This is so true!

I agree with BigHeadBertha

"They say verbal communication is only a fraction of what's actually conveyed in person. You were there and we weren't. So it could well be something's lost here, when you're trying to translate those real life experiences into text.

To sum it up, let's say this guy just gives you bad vibes.

I'd find that reason enough to keep your distance from someone you don't know and don't need to know."

He has ignored you in the past, then asks your daughter's age (I do find that a bit weird) and then when you say you don't want stuff he gives it to you.

None of that is neighborly to me. I'd certainly not be visiting him or inviting him in or giving him any information about your family.

And I do agree it is very sad we all have to be so careful these days but I agree you have nothing to lose by trusting your gut.

So you have judged this neighbour who you know nothing about to be what exactly? Based on what exactly? I think that says more about you than him imho

Lifeispassingby

"So you have judged this neighbour who you know nothing about to be what exactly? Based on what exactly? I think that says more about you than him imho"

I don't think the OP has judged him. She has found his behaviour odd and is wondering if she is right to find that behaviour odd. And wondering what to do. Which I think is pretty sensible. That's what it says about the OP. She is sensible.

It sounds like he was being kind and thoughtful, and this was a kind of opener to being a bit neighbourly. You may just be thinking that because it was a man handing over some bags, that it was odd,as it's usually a woman who has a sort out of some things.. All male neighbours are not pervs.!

@Italiangreyhound of course she has judged him. She has said she has found his behaviour odd and concerning despite it being harmless. She has also clearly only agreed with those who agreed with her and has ignored those who suggested other sensible reasons or disagreed with her. There are a range of reasonable explanations for her neighbours behaviour but OP has disregarded those in favour of making unfounded judgements about him. Not everyone who doesn’t fit into ‘typical’ or ‘normal’ (whatever the hell that means anyway) needs to be feared or concerned about

lydia2021
Be vigilant. A single parent is a target and they will wait at least two years before they do anything. Any one who thinks otherwise is naive
Oooh, 2 years? Do they do a course or something and then get told they can go grab a kiddie?

Bloody hell, the thick is out in force tonight. Have you not got a Take A Break to read it something?

😂

Lifeispassingby "of course she has judged him." You are entitled to your opinion but I do not think she has.

IF she wanted to judge him, that would be fine with me too.

We all make decisions and judgements all day about what we think is best for ourselves and our families.

There is nothing wrong with this, IMHO, in fact it keeps us safe.

Not wanting to spend time with someone is not necessarily wrong.

But she has not judged him formally in some way that is harmful to him.

"She has said she has found his behaviour odd and concerning despite it being harmless." How could you possibly know it is harmless. Sounds like you have judged him. You have judged him harmless, so that is OK?

"... ignored those who suggested other sensible reasons or disagreed with her." That's OK it's her choice. She doesn't need to agree with everyone.

But him being 'feared or concerned about' by his behaviour doesn't mean he is being hard done by. Had she put up posters or reported his handbag giving to the police, that would, of course, be unreasonable. But making a decision that you don't want to be friendly or neighborly with someone is fine.

Sadly, there are some of us who are just quite suspicious of other people. Sometimes those suspicions are right and sometimes wrong. So we all make decisions on where our boundaries are. And that's OK. It's not making a legal judgement on a person, it's making a choice on who we want to speak to.

Poor bloke

@GlassBoxSpectacular

working in the rehab of kiddie perps

My absolute favourite thing is when posters on MN pretend to be engaged in a particular career to validate their opinion, when nine times out of ten they sound like they’re pulling random jargon out of their arse.

Recent treats have included a fake history teacher who objected to classroom debate about colonialism (AS revealed them to be a civil servant) and a fake “government lawyer” (who was barely literate).

But given the talk of the ‘two-year’ waiting period, the fact that ‘they’ are “not just uncles”, and the professional jargon of “kiddie perps”, I’m absolutely convinced of the professional expertise on display here.

Quite. AS has proved to be quite useful on this thread too. And whilst the OP may be cowering behind handbags, the amount of socks one finds on threads like this is quite significant. Unless so many new posters joined to talk about "perps" and mummy instincts obvs.

Reminds me of the town in the US where people were waking up to find dolls that looked like their daughters on the doorstep. The whole town was beside themselves - turned out to be an old lady with no remaining family trying to do something nice and pass on her cherished collection.

That’s creepy as

I don’t know OP
We have instincts for a reason

So he could be weird or he could be very socially awkward

Right now you don’t know but you are allowed to listen to your instincts regardless of what people say here

breakingupslowly

I haven’t seen any evidence of his daughters, or anyone for that matter. He seems to be a bit of an odd character. “

I’m odd then. You wouldn’t have seen any evidence of our daughter anyone else at our house during restrictions and I wouldn’t particularly want to talk to you because I’m just not very sociable.
Don’t think those things necessarily qualify me as a weirdo though. Just as someone not keen on pushy, nosey neighbours