I'm addicted to holidays, help me!!

[Jjlrb47922]

I know aibu. More so because my husband has to pay for them.
I'm a sahm / housewife, I don't have much of a life /no social life/no hobbies . Pre covid we took the kids out alot, days out to theme parks etc and holidays. Went to Disneyworld in 2018. Then covid came and stopped everything
My issue is I'm obsessed with looking at holidays, thinking about holidays, researching holiday destinations, reading reviews, booking holidays and wanting to go on holiday all of the time. Not necessarily abroad, happy with the UK. In fact I would like to be a travel agent .
I could sit at the computer and do this all day every day. I get immense pleasure from it.
I want to travel the world and experience things. Especially with my children. And I feel like there is only a certain amount of time you can do this with them before they grow up. Last night I had a homonal crying meltdown /tantrum because of this. I basically upset myself thinking about it and the fact my kids will be grown up in 10 years.
Weve always spent money that came in and didn't save ( very silly I know). Covid preventing us from doing anything has meant my husband has been able to save large chunks of his wage and we have a good savings pot for the first time ever. I want to spend some of this on holidays over the next couple of years and he doesn't. He wants to continue saving l for a few years, but also he has no interest in ever going anywhere. He's a home biddy and I'm not. . I know he is right but the effect this has had on me is absolutely stupid and so over the top. I feel like an addict being refused something! I know this is completely rediculous, and I know the reason is because I'm stuck at home all day every day and my life is just boring and monotonous. Please help me by suggesting how to snap out of this daft obsession and fill my life with other thinsgs

You don't have to travel the world to experience things. Indeed, I tend to find tourism isn't nearly as good as really experiencing things as part of a community, being rooted in the day-to-day life of a place. It sounds to me like the real issue is right there in the second line of your post - having no life/social life/hobbies or - though you don't include this - job. If your DC will be old enough to leave in 10 years, have you considered training, working, volunteering, or taking up some hobbies at the very least? It's nice that the fantasy life of looking at holidays gives you some pleasure, but it's barely covering this void in your life that is also making you cry and be unreasonable about the holiday addiction over saving. You need something deeper and richer than a holiday. At the very least, if it helps with motivation, investigate a career/own business perhaps that could fund your dream holiday.

Why don't you become a travel agent? You get cheap flights/deals when you do.

I think its normal to want to go on holidays with children to show them things and also to get out yourself.

I think you should try and reach a compromise and sounds like you will compromise on destination. I think wanting a summer holiday when you have cash for it is very reasonable, whether exploring the world will be viable I am not sure atm but UK is at least. If you are at home with the kids you should have an equal say in how money spent.

You don’t say in your OP if being a SAHM mum is a choice or a necessity but the obvious answer is for you to get a job to earn more money to allow your family to both spend on holidays and have savings.

I think the issue here is not holiday addiction but your husband not giving you any say in how money is spent plus are you bored as a sahm, if yes look into getting a job. If no just tackle husband issue.

But isn't the (beyond normal) fixation with holidays just a distraction from the real issue that her everyday (non)life is not fulfilling her? So even if they book a summer holiday, it won't really solve anything. Not saying they shouldn't have a hol, but that she's wise to be seeing it for what it is, to dig deeper and fill her life with something more rewarding.

Your issue isn't really about holidays, in the same way that alcoholics don't drink alcohol because it tastes nice. They're trying to fill a void.

Try to unpick what it is you get from your obsession with holidays and what's behind it. Maybe some counseling even.

Sense of escapism? Adventure? Quality family time? Beach? Planning something? Budgeting? Researching?

How could you get these needs fulfilled either through a job, or through other means that don't result in an expensive holiday?

You could even become a freelance travel agent.

I'd strongly suggest looking at a part time job, to give you a sense of purpose. Even 15hrs pw on minimum wage would also give you enough money over the course of a year to go on an amazing holiday.

I think you and your dh need to reach a compromise on holidays. How old are your kids? Could you potentially work part time to build up a holiday fund without eating too much into family savings?

The bigger concern for me here is that you seem to live mainly for your holidays. Are you happy having no social life and no hobbies? Maybe it's time to find something that enables you to get a bit more out of your everyday life so that you aren't only focused on the holidays?

I love doing this too. I get really into it. Also houses on rightmove.

Reality doesnt always live up to the fantasy of course when it comes to holidays with kids.
I think being a SAHM is relevent as youre possibly searching for proper family time where you are all together and not all drudgework. You see your escape as being away from the home, whereas the ones at work and school see the home as their escape

Travel is amazing - I could have written your thread 10 years ago. My OH wasn't interested in travel and I was a SAHM. What I did was go away on my own with ds and stay somewhere cheap, eat cheaply and do really cool things. 10 years later my DH feels like he really missed out and wants to do all those things with me too!

Perhaps you could compromise - agree to keep the chunk currently in savings and then split and future money between savings and a holiday (either just for you and the kids or as a family).

God I can't want to get away again!

It sounds like your life before covid was quite limited, and now your life is even more restricted due to covid on top of that. I think this need to experience new places on holiday is a misplacement of the need for self fulfilment and growth in your own life. By all means plan and go on holiday, but it sounds like there are other ways you could be using your time (and research skills!) which would give you some of those feelings without going on holiday.
Every time I go on my commute I get a little bit of that feeling, every time I learn a new skill or accomplish something difficult at work. Every time I make a new friend, or deepen a social connection. When I accomplish something in my hobby, or do some reSearch into an interest. So whilst I have missed holidays, or course, I am fulfilled in lots of other areas of my life. I love that feeling of my horizons growing, of a fresh perspective. And I had that feeling without leaving my neighbourhood for most of the last year! I have also planned some dream holidays (which I can't afford!) because that's fun too, but tying so much of your happiness up in a few weeks of your life, it sounds very limiting. I would try and look for ways to get a little bit of wonder and wandering into your every day life.

I got the impression that was lockdown rather than being a sahm that was causing boredom but its something for OP to consider. I have always daydreamed about holidays a lot working or sahm and so did my Mum.

im addicted to holiday, 2018 I had 7 and 2019 I had 8, so glad I did as I only had 1 last year

can't wait to get travelling again, going away next month

I agree with people saying about if filling some sort of void. You and your DH sound like complete opposites regarding this.

I am also totally addicted to holidays. It’s not just the going on holiday, I will spend hours researching, finding the best restaurants, planning the outfits I will wear. Luckily we are able to afford lots of lovely trips. My problem is getting DP to take the time off work. We’re going away for 4 nights over half term and he’s already flapping about it.

If it’s not financially viable yet, could you make a longer term plan to get into the travel industry? Then you’d be able to indulge your passion while also (hopefully) earning enough to get away on some holidays.

I was a bit like this nearly 20 years ago, so I did a degree, PGCE and MSc in Tourism Business Management, then taught it for 10 years.

Doing something totally different now, but still love travel.

Yes, that's totally what I mean. Of course I like going on holiday, but I'm a very stressy kind of person and I actually hate the travelling and find it hard to relax when I'm there!! The holiday itself doesn't fulfill me at all. Its the process of choosing one, booking it, counting down and having something to look forward to that I'm almost addicted to. The day after we come back I'm looking for the next one.
It is absolutely no way to live just counting the days down between holidays, in this case 100s of days due to covid!!

My life is just so, so empty and I don't know how to change it. I'm only 35. Both kids are at school every day. Husband works roughly 7am to 7pm Mon to Fri.

I'm a sahm due to having no help with childcare, hubby not really being able to commit to school holidays due to the nature of his job, and up to now we couldnt afford to pay for childcare. So I was kind of forced to become a sahm as couldn't cover the 13 weeks holiday children have.

I would like to volunteer or do a hobby during the day but husband won't pay for it and doesn't want me "out working for free" which I can kind of understand.
I could work evenings and weekends but this means that we will have no family time together which I really cherish.
On top of this I have some mild disabilities and Medical condition which effect my mobility, so alot of jobs just aren't suitable for me. It's a tricky situation that I've been in so far for 10 years

If the kids are all at school, could you look for a paid role OP? Even having to pay for after school clubs and holiday childcare should mean you’re better off financially working. It would also give you a good distraction and something for yourself.

Your husband also sounds very controlling. It’s not up to him to dictate what you do with your time!

I’m the opposite - I love being on holiday but can’t stand the process of researching and booking. I use a travel consultant, could you look at doing something like that?

I'm pretty sure you can get a job as a travel agent working from home in normal times, but I doubt there's much call for it at the moment. FWIW I love planning holidays too, but I actually enjoy them when I'm there (don't have small kids though)

I may be reading between the lines a bit here but the Husband sounds a bit controlling here. If you're not "allowed" the money to volunteer (side note most will refund your travel expenses) are you allowed Money to go out, in the day or evenings? To get your hair or nails done? To have a hobby? I wonder if this might suit him to have you at home?

I think you have bigger problems OP than not having a holiday to book!

You ‘D’H won’t financially support you doing something with your time and also doesn’t want you ‘working for free’ when volunteering. What exactly does he want you to do? Sit in all day. That is awful.

I am not one to throw round the abuse label but he is severely restricting you having a fulfilling life and also you are supporting him to work by taking on the bulk of home life. This is no way to live

@ZoeMaye yes he will pay for me to go the hairdressers for example or to buy clothes etc. Although I don't really have any need for any of that.
It's not that I'm not allowed to volunteer, it's because the time I would spend volunteering would be better off in paid work. But it's not that easy to find a role like that because I'd need 13 weeks a year off for the kids!
I would only be able to earn minimum wage or just above, so not great scope for me career wise unfortunately

There is a woman on Instagram who plans bespoke holidays for people. She's Irish and they are all in Ireland at the moment.
It seems like something you could definitely do?
She does days out or weekend breaks, honeymoons, large gatherings etc.
There are loads of people who do not like looking this stuff up on the internet and would love someone to just find them suitable accommodation and activities for their holiday.
I think you should start today.
Set up an Instagram page, follow loads of holiday/activity centres and advertise a competition to win a free planned break in an area you already know well.
See how it goes. You could do it at home when your DC are in school and if it takes off it could pay for the trips you would like to take yourself.

Why can’t you be a travel consultant? Seriously, look into it.

I’m a bit like you - I can spend hours researching hotel, locations, airlines, excursions, reading reviews, costings etc. I really love it

At the moment it’s Marrakesh, in the hope we can maybe travel in October for a short break with the kids.