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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm addicted to holidays, help me!!

105 replies

Jjlrb47922 · 18/05/2021 12:29

I know aibu. More so because my husband has to pay for them.
I'm a sahm / housewife, I don't have much of a life /no social life/no hobbies . Pre covid we took the kids out alot, days out to theme parks etc and holidays. Went to Disneyworld in 2018. Then covid came and stopped everything Angry
My issue is I'm obsessed with looking at holidays, thinking about holidays, researching holiday destinations, reading reviews, booking holidays and wanting to go on holiday all of the time. Not necessarily abroad, happy with the UK. In fact I would like to be a travel agent Grin.
I could sit at the computer and do this all day every day. I get immense pleasure from it.
I want to travel the world and experience things. Especially with my children. And I feel like there is only a certain amount of time you can do this with them before they grow up. Last night I had a homonal crying meltdown /tantrum because of this. I basically upset myself thinking about it and the fact my kids will be grown up in 10 years.
Weve always spent money that came in and didn't save ( very silly I know). Covid preventing us from doing anything has meant my husband has been able to save large chunks of his wage and we have a good savings pot for the first time ever. I want to spend some of this on holidays over the next couple of years and he doesn't. He wants to continue saving l for a few years, but also he has no interest in ever going anywhere. He's a home biddy and I'm not. . I know he is right but the effect this has had on me is absolutely stupid and so over the top. I feel like an addict being refused something! I know this is completely rediculous, and I know the reason is because I'm stuck at home all day every day and my life is just boring and monotonous. Please help me by suggesting how to snap out of this daft obsession and fill my life with other thinsgs

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 18/05/2021 15:08

Get a job and use holiday clubs in the summer holidays.

An eleven year old can walk home from school on a school day.

There is no reason for you not to get a job. Then you will have a say over how the money is spent.

And you will only need to pay for holiday clubs for the eleven year old for another year maximum.

How old is the other child?

ChoChoCrazyCat · 18/05/2021 16:10

How are you able to afford all these holidays but not childcare?
An 11 year old doesn't actually need childcare anyway, just maybe holiday clubs during the hols. Use the money you've saved from not having a holiday to pay for the clubs.

nanbread · 18/05/2021 17:32

Good idea to job hunt. Have you only got 1 child? I think our after school club is something like £15 a day.

So even on minimum wage working 7.5 hours a day you'd clear £50 a day.... And you wouldn't be on minimum wage forever, if you found a job you could progress in. In a few years your son wouldn't need after school care. There are also loads of jobs where you can WFH now.

Original poster
Jjlrb47922 · 18/05/2021 19:16

I don't just have one child

OP posts:
Original poster
Jjlrb47922 · 18/05/2021 19:17

I have applied for a few jobs tonight. Told husband as soon as he got in. He reminded me immediately that he will not /can not take time off Confused

OP posts:
Lemmen · 18/05/2021 19:22

Well yeah, he's a wanker.

Lemmen · 18/05/2021 19:22

Well done for applying though!

violetbunny · 18/05/2021 19:34

But can't you see that he is using your situation as a stick to beat you with? On the one hand he resents the fact you don't work and he has to earn all the money. But on the other hand, he is choosing to work in a job which has no flexibility meaning you are stuck at home sorting childcare. You literally cannot win.

He cannot have it both ways, can you not see that this is completely unfair? These are not the actions of a kind man.

If I were you I would insist on going back into education so that at least you can get yourself into skilled work. That way you have options. Do not let this awful man hold you back.

violetbunny · 18/05/2021 19:34

@Jjlrb47922

I have applied for a few jobs tonight. Told husband as soon as he got in. He reminded me immediately that he will not /can not take time off Confused

He's a complete asshole.

myhobbyisouting · 18/05/2021 19:43

He doesn't have to take time off, but he is responsible for contributing to childcare for his child. Whether he undertakes that himself or pays someone else is up to him.

myhobbyisouting · 18/05/2021 19:44

You've facilitated it all these years, allowed him to continue with and presumably progress in his career. He should be thanking you for that.

CommanderBurnham · 18/05/2021 19:48

Is definitely look at getting a job at a travel agency. As long as it covers childcare and additional costs.

Then you can have all the fun of planning holidays and not worry about having to go. It's obvious you have a genuine interest so you'll be a great fit.

I think destinology agents are freelance working from home types. Have a look at that.

My husband would love it if I was SAHM. but it's not about him. He'll pull his socks up I promise. You've spoilt him for too long.

Mermaidwaves · 18/05/2021 19:49

So he's resentful that he's the one 'grafting' and paying for everything but he won't support you to get a job paid or voluntary? You can't win either way! He's controlling you no wonder you feel unhappy and unfulfilled. What would he do if you got a job anyway? He can't stop you surely?

Zigzag77 · 18/05/2021 19:52

Lots of families have full-time working parents with no parental help (my own family is one). Isn’t there an after school facility or summer / holiday camp you can use for the kids that would allow you to get a job? It would kill many birds with a stone - by giving you less time to spend looking at holidays, giving you some form of social life, and money to spend when you are on leave

Sweak · 18/05/2021 20:07

If he won't take time off will he at least contribute towards paying for childcare?

If not then when he says he doesn't want you doing 'fun things' whilst he 'grafts' ask him exactly what you are meant to do? It's not healthy to be stuck in on your own 9 til 3.

How many children do you have and what ages are they?

Ofallthethings · 18/05/2021 20:33

@Jjlrb47922

I have applied for a few jobs tonight. Told husband as soon as he got in. He reminded me immediately that he will not /can not take time off Confused
I'm so pleased you've applied for some jobs OP, you can definitely do this. I can't believe your husband - he sounds full of his own importance and as others have said you can't seem to win- doesn't want you out of the home doing anything but resents you for being in it. Time to take back a bit of control . If you want a term time only job you could see if there's any teaching assistant jobs going in your area. I've known people go into that with no relevant experience/long gap since last job, and you should be able to do it part time. Otherwise even a minimum wage job you should be able to make enough money to cover holiday childcare. You should definitely look into tourism courses as well and what kind of jobs that could lead to. Do you live in /near a touristy area? I think getting out and meeting people through a job or study will really benefit and empower you OP.
BarbaraofSeville · 18/05/2021 20:57

Doesn't your husband get annual leave?

Seeing as he doesn't like travelling, he can use most of it to split holiday childcare with you. Does he really need to work 60 hours a week or is he hiding from his domestic responsibilities? Why does he think he shouldn't do his share at home?

Plus if your youngest is 11, the older ones can supervise for some of the time. Then look for a university student to help out.

Manteo · 18/05/2021 21:44

How much annual leave does your husband get? My husband works longer hours than yours and I work almost full-time and am applying for full-time jobs. I don't see why you can't get a job, it would solve a lot of problems.

If you think your husband is an arsehole surely you don't want to be financially reliant on him?

Dishwashersaurous · 18/05/2021 21:59

So you will get five weeks leave. Your husBand must get at least five weeks.

Thus you only need to pay for three weeks holidays club

nanbread · 18/05/2021 22:14

As the saying goes on MN - you have a DH problem...

nanbread · 18/05/2021 22:16

You are entitled to 4 weeks' unpaid parental leave one you've worked somewhere for a year as an employee btw.

You may also be able to find work that is term time only.

Twoforthree · 18/05/2021 22:25

What would he say if you tell him how bored and unfulfilled you are, and how you need to volunteer for your own sanity, if a job is unworkable due to his job?

converseandjeans · 18/05/2021 22:41

I agree you need to get a job to pay for the holidays.

Maybe if he's out the house 7-7 every week day that's why he wants to spend some time relaxing. A trip to Disneyland for example would be hard work rather than relaxing & with all the flights etc I can see why he's reluctant to spend money on this if it's not really his choice.

If you earn the money you can do what you want then & he can't complain.

I don't think it is controlling to not want to spend wages on something he doesn't even want to do.

lakesidelife · 18/05/2021 23:08

Your husband is a total tool, putting it politely.

He wants to have you doing all the house/dc work while also feeling bad and not spending any family money on things he doesn't value.

I would start my applying for jobs like you are.
Explain to your DH that you are bored and need more control of family finances.
I would also be clear that he will either have to do more work at home or help fund a cleaner.

I'm currently don't do paid work, I do volunteer work and study to keep by clinical license valid.
DH knows he is lucky I do all the boring homework so he doesn't have to. He has never tried to limit my spending or my volunteering.
Partly because he isn't an arse and partly because he knows I would just go back to full time work and he would have to do more things he doesn't want to.

We both get a set amount of the family budget we get to spend, that helps with things like holidays v cars etc.

It sounds like you are starting to take back some control, just keep going OP.

TheTeenageYears · 18/05/2021 23:27

So your DH won't allow you to work for free, won't allow you to use any of the current family funds to pay for a hobby, won't use any of his holiday time to look after his own children if you get a paying job. He is giving you the tiniest window in which to find a job which makes it almost impossible. Sounds somewhat abusive to me.