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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm addicted to holidays, help me!!

105 replies

Jjlrb47922 · 18/05/2021 12:29

I know aibu. More so because my husband has to pay for them.
I'm a sahm / housewife, I don't have much of a life /no social life/no hobbies . Pre covid we took the kids out alot, days out to theme parks etc and holidays. Went to Disneyworld in 2018. Then covid came and stopped everything Angry
My issue is I'm obsessed with looking at holidays, thinking about holidays, researching holiday destinations, reading reviews, booking holidays and wanting to go on holiday all of the time. Not necessarily abroad, happy with the UK. In fact I would like to be a travel agent Grin.
I could sit at the computer and do this all day every day. I get immense pleasure from it.
I want to travel the world and experience things. Especially with my children. And I feel like there is only a certain amount of time you can do this with them before they grow up. Last night I had a homonal crying meltdown /tantrum because of this. I basically upset myself thinking about it and the fact my kids will be grown up in 10 years.
Weve always spent money that came in and didn't save ( very silly I know). Covid preventing us from doing anything has meant my husband has been able to save large chunks of his wage and we have a good savings pot for the first time ever. I want to spend some of this on holidays over the next couple of years and he doesn't. He wants to continue saving l for a few years, but also he has no interest in ever going anywhere. He's a home biddy and I'm not. . I know he is right but the effect this has had on me is absolutely stupid and so over the top. I feel like an addict being refused something! I know this is completely rediculous, and I know the reason is because I'm stuck at home all day every day and my life is just boring and monotonous. Please help me by suggesting how to snap out of this daft obsession and fill my life with other thinsgs

OP posts:
Sweak · 18/05/2021 13:43

@MichelleScarn

But it's not that easy to find a role like that because I'd need 13 weeks a year off for the kids! I never understand this thought process, how do you think the majority of working parents cope?
It only works if you have a supportive partner or family help. It sounds like she doesn't. If she's on a low income how can she afford it? She won't get 13 weeks leave
Pinkdelight3 · 18/05/2021 13:49

It only works if you have a supportive partner or family help. It sounds like she doesn't. If she's on a low income how can she afford it? She won't get 13 weeks leave

It's totally doable with a part-time role. Term-time only is even better, but even if it's not, if a job is only a couple of days a week, then leave will cover some of the holidays and the odd day in a holiday club or on reciprocal playdates won't do the DC any harm. I think it's much healthier for OP to be solutions-oriented at this point rather than seeing the DC's school hols as this huge obstacle that makes any life for herself impossible for the other 39 weeks of the year. My DC are now 10 and 13 and can entertain themselves all day with minimal supervision, so I can work all day everyday if I like. Obviously that OP doesn't want that, but she really doesn't need to negate her own life in the way she describes.

Sweak · 18/05/2021 13:53

@Pinkdelight3

It only works if you have a supportive partner or family help. It sounds like she doesn't. If she's on a low income how can she afford it? She won't get 13 weeks leave

It's totally doable with a part-time role. Term-time only is even better, but even if it's not, if a job is only a couple of days a week, then leave will cover some of the holidays and the odd day in a holiday club or on reciprocal playdates won't do the DC any harm. I think it's much healthier for OP to be solutions-oriented at this point rather than seeing the DC's school hols as this huge obstacle that makes any life for herself impossible for the other 39 weeks of the year. My DC are now 10 and 13 and can entertain themselves all day with minimal supervision, so I can work all day everyday if I like. Obviously that OP doesn't want that, but she really doesn't need to negate her own life in the way she describes.

Term time isn't exactly easy to get though. I agree part time would make it easier.

The wider issue remains that it sounds like he's not willing to help out with childcare. This makes life hard for her.

I agree she needs solutions. But I think her husband's attitude is the problem! The childcare 13 weeks is a joint problem, not just hers!

Love51 · 18/05/2021 13:56

Her and her partner take leave a different times with a week or 2 overlapping. She does some childcare favours and gets a few reciprocated. Playschemes holiday clubs or childminder for the rest. It is a juggle to do it cheaply. If she has to pay £20 a day for 2 children for 10 days over a year, that's £400, which out of even a low annual wage still makes her way better off (emotionally and financially) than not working. Even £25 a day for 2 children for 15 days is £750, still a drop in the ocean considered annually (although a lot if you pay it all in one month).

JackieTheFart · 18/05/2021 13:58

Set yourself up as a business.

You’ll be a travel agent, but maybe an online one that will scour the internet for the perfect holiday - not one that will show you a magazine and say ‘that hotel is good’.

You get your customers to set their parameters and any special requests, then you do the tedious part of finding it.

Get wealthy clients and you can get a budget up front to book and whatever your fee is.

(No idea if this is even a thing but sounds like something I’d like to do!)

Pinkdelight3 · 18/05/2021 14:00

Absolutely! And clearly she wants to be with the DC whenever they're off, but again, I think that's a symptom of this all or nothing predicament. When there's more balance in her set-up, when she's getting more of a bang out of other things in her life, then the odd bit of childcare to enable her to keep working won't feel like the end of the world. But just to get started, even a few hours of volunteering would be a revelation and doesn't require holiday cover nor finance to get going. Look into that instead of the holidays, OP, and don't listen to his 'working for free' bollocks. The only thing that needs to be free here is you!

FizzyPink · 18/05/2021 14:00

Please be careful with any self-employed travel agent roles. There seem to be a lot of MLMs going around disguised and this at the moment and you don’t want to get involved in that.

Silkiecats · 18/05/2021 14:00

Do you have access to any money or do you have to ask your husband for any money at all?

Cassilis · 18/05/2021 14:02

I think the answer is obvious - become a travel agent!

You could either work for a travel agent or set up your own business, booking and drawing up itineraries for people, getting commission, but working from a model where you're competitive with expedia etc.

Cassilis · 18/05/2021 14:03

And yes - no MLMs

Sweak · 18/05/2021 14:03

@Love51

Her and her partner take leave a different times with a week or 2 overlapping. She does some childcare favours and gets a few reciprocated. Playschemes holiday clubs or childminder for the rest. It is a juggle to do it cheaply. If she has to pay £20 a day for 2 children for 10 days over a year, that's £400, which out of even a low annual wage still makes her way better off (emotionally and financially) than not working. Even £25 a day for 2 children for 15 days is £750, still a drop in the ocean considered annually (although a lot if you pay it all in one month).
Maybe I've misread the situation? I got the impression he won't help out over the 13 weeks 'due to the nature of his job'

Op can you clarify?

unicornsarereal72 · 18/05/2021 14:05

Finding childcare is an excuse. Many many parent work and manage. I'm a single parent both my kids have adhd and I manage. Juggling leave. Moving my hours round etc I make it work.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/05/2021 14:05

I think you would be much happier working

If childcare is such a concern could you work as a temp through a temping agency and just not be available in the school holidays? Or look for a term time only job.
Or start volunteering because it builds your skills with the aim of using that on your resume to get back into the workforce in 2 years time.

Or retrain.
Or set up a business from home.

There’s lots of options. Start looking into what could work for you

Original poster
Jjlrb47922 · 18/05/2021 14:07

@MichelleScarn

But it's not that easy to find a role like that because I'd need 13 weeks a year off for the kids! I never understand this thought process, how do you think the majority of working parents cope?
They either pay for childcare or have family members to help. I don't have any family members able to help at all. And childcare costs are extortionate when your own a low wage. My son is 11 so childminders/nursery are out for him.

But...... I am putting obstacles in the way. If I can get something that's just a few days a week then it would be easier to cover those childcare days. It's scary for me because we've never had to do it

I'm currently writing a list of websites to search and I am going on a job hunt!!! Even if it just so I can pay for our holidays!!

OP posts:
Sweak · 18/05/2021 14:10

OP, in an ideal world what do you want?
Would you rather paid employment? Or volunteering?

It does seem the issue isn't really holidays it's having things to look forward to and fill your time.

Honeypickle · 18/05/2021 14:11

Good for you! Best of luck!

Sweak · 18/05/2021 14:13

Ah, that's great OP. Good luck with the job hunt!

Dashel · 18/05/2021 14:17

I would see if you could find some work, even if it’s a zero hours type contract to get back into the working world or do some studying at home to occupy your mind.

You need something for you as it sounds like you aren’t being fulfilled

Pinkdelight3 · 18/05/2021 14:18

Brilliant, OP! Very glad to hear you're galvanised. When my DS hit that too-old-for-childminders age, I found a neighbour's son (aged 17/18) who was happy to 'babysit' for a few hours during the day. They had more fun than I could have had with them - he taught my DC to play basketball and was interested in their gaming. Also cheaper than a childminder - I wasn't exploiting him, he was glad of the extra dosh and would've been twiddling his thumbs otherwise. Worth saying that the neighbour wasn't a friend before either, I just asked around and found out who had kids of the right age and temperament to do it. So again, don't be scared to reach out. You're smart and capable and can do this.

MichelleScarn · 18/05/2021 14:24

Excellent OP! What about college and an access to Tourism type course? You could possibly get funding for childcare and have the holidays free still?

RantyAnty · 18/05/2021 14:24

It might be another year before things really open up for travel.

Have you thought about training for something you could do online? Web or UX Design or video editing?

You can set a goal to take a year and travel wherever you want with your DC.

I have friends who went to Mexico with their DD for a couple of years and had a great experience.

notalwaysalondoner · 18/05/2021 14:28

One thing I would say OP is not to write off going on holiday with your kids when they are older - while it's definitely not a given, if you have a good relationship you can travel with them for a long while yet! My mother was very adventurous when younger, travelled a lot especially for a woman in the 70s, went all over the Middle East and South America in her twenties and thirties. We then actually didn't go on holiday outside the UK until I was 11, but she then took us on interesting holidays (sometimes without my father btw) while we were at school - nothing long haul, the furthest we went was Egypt, but it gave us all the travelling bug. Then once we left home, both my sister and I have been on several trips with her - some of them 'normal' family holidays with the whole family, but others have been proper backpacking trips of 6+ weeks around India, Malaysia, Indonesia etc. where we didn't have a plan, hadn't booked hotels etc. And this was when she was in her early 60s. So what I'm trying to say is that if you have a good relationship with your child and make travelling together enjoyable, it might last beyond when they leave home - especially once they start work as it's hard to find somebody with flexibility to take long trips, whereas retired parents are highly flexible!

bebarkered · 18/05/2021 14:37

Don't know if anyone else has mentioned this as I haven't got time to read all the replies, but, you can work from home selling flights/holidays. Did you know? I used to be a travel agent

ChiefBabySniffer · 18/05/2021 14:39

Op, I am kind of in your shoes. I've not worked In years, probably since I was 24 Ish. Became a stay at home mum and since not long after I've been cripled with auto immune diseases. So stuck at home caring for kids and bored silly. What I did too stop myself becoming an addict (seriously) is signed up with to open university to complete my degree. It's Tim me ages but now I'm in my forties and have a BA and an MA. I didn't get a single GCSE but it didn't hold me back. It was hard but it have me such a sense of purpose. I've also qualified as a TA and run a SEN literacy group in my daughters old high school. It's voluntary but the 3-5 hours a week saves my sanity and makes me feel worth while. It's not about my children, my husband or anybody else . Just me making a difference to for the kids that really struggle with reading.

You really should do something for you. If you look into retraining now then you would be in a really strong position when your kids are in senior school. I really can't recommend the OU enough. They can even take student loans if you don't steady have a degree. They also do a funded second degree in certain STEM subjects .

myhobbyisouting · 18/05/2021 14:56

"But it's not that easy to find a role like that because I'd need 13 weeks a year off for the kids!"

Your son is 11? He won't be needing childcare. You will also get leave and your husband will need to foot a portion of the childcare bill since the kid is 50% his.

Go get a job. Know your worth and stop being a doormat for some fucking man who thinks he gets to rule your life simply because he's got a "stressful job".

Fuck that.

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