To think it’s challenging to support a family on £25k a year?

[Mileu]

I am pregnant with 1st DC and intend on going back to work after enhanced maternity pay ends- then my husband will stay home for a bit.
I keep getting comments that I’ll change my mind after DC is born and I won’t want to leave my baby, and it’s not all about money and I can stay home.
Other than finding it a bit sexist really (as if my job is just some sort of hobby) I also think it’s not practical.
Whilst it isn’t all about money, I earn £50k and my husband £25k.
There is no way we could maintain our current standard of living on just his salary (with or without a bit of additional SMP). When people suggest this I really think they must be out of touch- one £25k job does not pay the mortgage on a 3 bed semi in desirable area, run a car (we share one), and cover all the bills and necessities for two adults and a child. My job could- hence me going back and my husband then taking time off.
The only way I can think that we could do this is if we sold our house and moved to a 2 bed terrace in a less desirable area and then lived very frugally and even then we would be pushing it. Plus- I don’t want to do that!
These comments really annoy me 😬 AIBU to think people are clueless as to the cost of living (and to the fact that a woman can outearn a man!)

Could you not, with husband's agreement of course, be upfront in response and say you earn double his salary and cannot afford to give up work at the moment?

They really should mind their own business and be told that too, in a tactful way.

YABNU and I am in a very similar boat - I'll be going back after my enhanced maternity package runs out and DH will be taking shared parental leave for the rest of the first year. I earn 3x what he does and there's no world in which we could get by without me working at least 4 days a week without significantly changing our lifestyle.

I don't think 24/7/365 parenting will be for me, to be honest, and even if I wanted to try it for a couple of years my industry moves super-fast so there are certainly no guarantees that I'd be able to get another job when ready. We could save for me to take more maternity leave but it would be a significant commitment and, to be honest, DH is really looking forward to taking some time to get properly stuck into parenting - and why shouldn't he?

Have not RTFT, but frankly, if my DH had wanted to be a SAHD and I worked full time, I would have been delighted. I loved my work, but I was self-employed and the nature of the work needed me to be able to drop everything. I tried working p/t, but that was a poor compromise, which needed a nanny (one-third of earnings) so plus after tax and expenses, I was working for a pittance. And it wasn't a world in which you could step off the train and hope to go back in at any level.

YANBU. 25k is not enough, particularly when you take into account your current outgoings.

If you like your job then you will probably want to continue doing it even after having a child.

I'm always amazed by the sexism in instances like this - and more so that's it's normally from women!

I took 4 months mat leave then literally skipped out of the door back to work each morning while DH stayed home with DS. It helped that my company offered a fabulous incentive package for me to return sooner rather than later, as it gave us enough money to allow DH to become the SAHP.

And just to add, I don't feel that I missed out in any way, I still was home for his dinner/bath/stories each night, and worked from home a couple of times a week - he's 15 now and we're extremely close

Do whatever works for you and ignore the sexism!

DH managed to support us both and our baby daughter on just a little over 12000€ for a year. To achieve that, we were living in a caravan without running water though, and paying 150€pcm on repayments to our mortgage (we bought land). We made a conscious decision to take this radical route, however, as DH was still an apprentice and I wanted to be a SAHM.

We rent a 3 bed semi in Berkshire. A bog standard 3 bed semi and our rent is over £1600 a month. We'd be in serious trouble with only a £25k income. We're trying to buy but the market is against us right now. It's really depressing.

Some people have no sense of other people's situations. YANBU.

Your DH and you should both return to work. Get childcare or a live in person to help.

This is so sexist. Why is it seen as unnecessary or undesirable for a woman to go back full time but completely normal for a man to go back after TWO WEEKS?! The only reason I would understand your friends suggesting you might want longer is if you only get enhanced maternity pay for the statutory 6 weeks - that really is a very short amount of time, in which case I would recommend you save up during your pregnancy so you could at least manage 12 weeks off (which is the norm in other developed countries e.g. the Netherlands - the UK has an unusually long maternity leave). But if that's not the case then it's fine - for what it's worth, among my friends and colleagues, many go back full time despite working in a pretty intense industry. I think it just depends on your peer group.

I'm the higher earner and I went back to work after 7 months and baby stayed with my husband for 6 months. We basically fully used the SPL available to us and it worked very well. Our daughter was at home with a parent for over a year; it didn't matter to us whether it was mummy or daddy, bay was happy. I was also content to carry on with my job knowing that baby was with my husband. Some of the comments on this thread are rather shocking. Women are now working to the point that we have been as well or better educate than men and possibly now you will find more relationships where we earn a lot more than men so roles reverse.

Depends entirely on circumstance. £25k wouldn't cover our essential outgoings. Sure we could cut back but we'd have to sell the house etc.

Our mortgage is 2k per month.

If OP had said their household income would reduce by 2/3 if she didn’t go back to work, no one would be saying oh it’s different when the baby arrives. No it’s not, they’d be up shit creek without her salary.
Agree with no one ever saying this to a man!

It's also really different if a family PLAN to live off £25k (or however much 1 salary is) than if they have made decisions based on 2 peoples incomes and then try to go down to 1 income. We could live off either mine or DHs salary quite well if we wanted to, but we'd have made very different decisions if that had been our preferred choice. Because of the choices we made, need me to continue working, otherwise only our basic bills would be payable.

It is hard, but that's part of the reason why women tend to marry men who earn more than them.
It's partly a practical consideration.

If it wasn't for your savings, OP, you'd qualify for £316 a month in Universal Credit if you only earned £25k.

Imo, that means it's not enough to live on.