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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
custardbear · 17/05/2021 07:13

I'd probably say I'm a bit confused because we were just dropping in to give your child a present, I thought the bbq was the more formal party

Saying that was your child covered in mud with football boots on still?

Sssloou · 17/05/2021 07:18

I would ask her if she was struggling. Or maybe approach her DM or DS or OH if you know them well enough to ask if she is OK.

crankysaurus · 17/05/2021 07:19

Rude as she's come across, and as tempting as some of these replies are, I think there may be an element of sadness where she had hoped they could have held a 1st birthday party for her and this was the next best thing. After a tough year where she'll have missed out on most normal young baby stuff, she probably had more pinned on that day than normal. I'd go kindly if it's out of character.

MrsWarleggan · 17/05/2021 07:25

"No worries. Can I just check if it's top hat and tails for the BBQ?"

Please send this!

mainsfed · 17/05/2021 07:28

If she really wanted a birthday party atmosphere, she could have organised a couple of actual parties (even if just an hour long) under the gazebo, where guests could have a slice of cake and a drink.

JustKeep · 17/05/2021 07:33

Ok a lot of these replies are funny, and I like a good mumsnet drama thread as much as the next poster, but for the sake of your friendship I’d leave it then actually talk to her about it.

I’d guess she wanted a special first birthday, but didn’t really think it through. So she wants everybody to behave like it’s a party but didn’t actually provide a party!

Seriously. Talk to her about it. She’s being ridiculous but it’s been a hard year for everybody, so best just to talk it through,

1starwars2 · 17/05/2021 07:41

I bet your daughter was really happy in her football kit. My boys would have worn a football kit (usually a Ronaldo one) to a party at this age. Obviously it wasn't a party, and there was no need to get changed, but there is also nothing wrong with a girl going to a party in a football kit.

dopeyduck · 17/05/2021 07:43

This is really strange. She’s clearly gone a bit OTT (completely batshit) over her DC birthday. If it were me I just wouldn’t reply to the message, otherwise you’ll just trigger an argument which is even more batshit.

If she brings it up face to face, you’ll just have to explain, nicely if possible, that she’s being ridiculous.

Bluedeblue · 17/05/2021 07:51

I'd send back:

"Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that you sent me a text message that was grammatically incorrect. It would have been nice if you could have made an effort and re-read your message before sending"

Dustyhedge · 17/05/2021 07:53

It might be tempted to send something along the lines of ‘I realise it just have been disappointing not to have had the party as planned but glad you got to see people and hope you all had a lovely day. I was a bit confused by your message. Are you ok?

She was incredibly rude but if that was out of character I’d be worried about whether she is experiencing anxiety.

Morgan12 · 17/05/2021 07:56

Send her a pic of a child in Palestine and tell her to get an actual fucking grip of her life.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 17/05/2021 07:57

Is she Amanda from Motherland?

looptheloopinahulahoop · 17/05/2021 07:59

Not RTFT but oh dear. I'd just ignore it OP.

PurpleRainDancer · 17/05/2021 07:59

@WildNorthEast

Just send back some laughing emojis.
This. she’s being incredibly precious - and I would let her know this
PurpleRainDancer · 17/05/2021 08:00

@LyndaSnellsSniff

Is she Amanda from Motherland?
Grin
HUCKMUCK · 17/05/2021 08:02

Weird. You don’t know anyone who would do this so there can’t be anyone else in the world that would do it?

Tossblanket · 17/05/2021 08:08

Send back this 😂

TopBlogger · 17/05/2021 08:14

@LyndaSnellsSniff

Is she Amanda from Motherland?
EXACTLY how I've pictured her Grin
MzHz · 17/05/2021 08:16

@IHaveBrilloHair

"Would of been nice" Tell her you'll get your Dd to change her clothing when she learns grammar. Tit for tat.
I’m afraid this was my first thought too.
C8H10N4O2 · 17/05/2021 08:17

We’ve been allocated a 2 hour time slot for a (PFB) one year olds birthday, next month (we were given two months notice)Taking place in Marquee in the garden, so everyone can see child on the day in a covid safe way

I'm idly curious - has this become commonplace? Toddler birthdays when mine were this age were a couple of others to play in the garden where the parents were friends or possibly a general family get together. Not orchestrated formal parties.

Are time slots a thing now?

MzHz · 17/05/2021 08:18

And @namechangedforthis21 at least you’re now excused from the 2nd/3rd/4th etc etc birthday

“Sorry, we’re busy and won’t have time to change for someone who has absolutely zero manners or gratitude”

Drop her like a rock.

AgathaX · 17/05/2021 08:20

She's going to look back at stuff like this in years to come and absolutely cringe.

CrazyCatLover · 17/05/2021 08:20

Would message back asking her for a time slot for you to come and collect the present you gave to her. Ungrateful woman.

MindyStClaire · 17/05/2021 08:25

Dustyhedge had drafted a good message in the circumstances if you don't want to just ignore.

mainsfed · 17/05/2021 08:27

@Bluedeblue

I'd send back:

"Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that you sent me a text message that was grammatically incorrect. It would have been nice if you could have made an effort and re-read your message before sending"

No, you wouldn't send this Hmm

This isn't funny or clever.