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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
TidyOmlette · 17/05/2021 08:32

I think everyone goes a bit batshit during their first born stage. I know I certainly did looking back I must have been a right twat. It wasn’t until my best friend had hers I realised how people change.

Just ignore and forget

Whatshouldicallme · 17/05/2021 08:33

You don't have time in your life for "friends" like this!

worriedatthemoment · 17/05/2021 08:34

I would not be going to her bbq , and would be texting back
Sorry but this was not a party just a drop off for presents for your dd, and we would not have had time to change
I am deeply offended by your comment as we took time out if our day to accommodate your request ,

MegaClutterSlut · 17/05/2021 08:36

Your friend needs calling out on her being a ungrateful bitch behaviour. You don't need to do it in a horrible way but it needs pointing out that its batshit pfb behaviour imo

Darbs76 · 17/05/2021 08:46

I’d reply and say that you weren’t aware it was a party and were very busy yesterday, I’d also say hope x liked her present. She sounds crazy, I mean who does that?

MzHz · 17/05/2021 08:48

I wouldn’t be wasting time going to the bbq.

Honestly she needs to learn some manners.

ArrrMeHearties · 17/05/2021 08:52

She should be thankful you showed up at all with a present. So what if dd was in her football strip? I see no issue

VeganCow · 17/05/2021 09:00

No thanks for gift, wow entitled much? I would send one last reply like 'have you taken something, like leave of your senses? What the hell, this isn't like you?!' as a chance for her to apologise and if she didn't send a reply that indicated she was sorry after time to think, relationship over for me. No one has a go at my kid for what they wear and gets to stay in my life, especially when gift bearing.

OrangeRug · 17/05/2021 09:01

Your friend sounds utterly neurotic. Assigning time slots for dropping off presents then whinging about a football strip? Her child won't even remember this day. I honestly couldn't be bothered to deal with someone like that.

LittlestBoho · 17/05/2021 09:05

Please don't apologise to her, she's being a rude weirdo.

You could approach it like "are you feeling OK? Your message yesterday was completely rude and you didn't even say thank you."

Even old friendships grow stale if they aren't cleaned out and refreshed every now and again. Don't accept shoddy treatment just because you've known her so long.

saraclara · 17/05/2021 09:09

Thinking about it more charitably, I might go with "are you okay? This message is very unlike you and I'm concerned about you"

ChristmasFluff · 17/05/2021 09:12

I don't think that message should be responded to, and certainly not in the apologetic way you are planning OP.

I'd turn up to the BBQ with my entire family in footie kit, but I'm a bitch.

Maireas · 17/05/2021 09:21

I hope the Motherland script writers are reading this, they've got Amanda's storyline right there.

Embroideredstars · 17/05/2021 09:22

@EssentialHummus

Wow. It is bonkers but with a long friendship behind you I’d try not to go in all guns blazing. Either leave it a day and just text to ask if DD enjoyed her special day, or “Listen, I remember from my DD how big / important first birthdays seem at the time, but I don’t think it’s at all kind or appropriate to criticise what my DD was wearing yesterday. We wanted to see you, time was tight, so we called in on our way back from football. I hope your DD enjoyed her day and her new presents.”
This a nice quote, points out you're hurt and upset, that you made an effort and she is being unreasonable.
VickyEadieofThigh · 17/05/2021 09:23

The 1 year old will clearly be traumatised for life and it's all your fault.

Jeez, some people, eh? Precious doesn't begin to describe it.

VickyEadieofThigh · 17/05/2021 09:23

@Maireas

I hope the Motherland script writers are reading this, they've got Amanda's storyline right there.
YES!
Thatisnotwhatisaid · 17/05/2021 09:26

I’d make sure everyone wore a football kit to the BBQ tbh. She sounds batshit.

crosspelican · 17/05/2021 09:26

She has embarrassed herself hugely here, even if she doesn't know it yet.

The kindest thing to do is just ignore. Never refer to it again. And for the love of GOD don't apologise! There is literally no response needed.

I'd probably be otherwise engaged on the day of the bbq though.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 17/05/2021 09:29

30 years or not, I don't think I could continue to be friends with this rude, batshit person.

uggmum · 17/05/2021 09:30

Just send her a link to this thread.

Then she can see that this is twatish behaviour

Egghead81 · 17/05/2021 09:41

Tell me I’m not alone in reading OPs like this and thinking that we might as well be from different planets in terms of how “friendships” operate.

In no scenarios whatsoever could I ever imagine my wonderful friends behaving like this

seensome · 17/05/2021 09:43

She sounds very ungrateful, it wouldn't even occur to me to go in party clothes for half an hour. Leave the message unanswered unless she at least thanks you for coming to see them with a gift.

Egghead81 · 17/05/2021 09:45

[quote namechangedforthis21]@Alternista Yes she is a good friend have been friends since primary school. That's why I wasn't sure if I was the one in the wrong. I think I will just ignore that message and see if she texts me later in the week. [/quote]
You’re a grown assed woman OP
Surely, surely you don’t need an anonymous forum to confirm this is unreasonable behaviour to dictate how YOUR daughter dresses?

cherrytreecottage · 17/05/2021 09:50

@Changeismyname

Jesus your friend needs to get a grip. She gave everyone an allotted 30 minute time slot for a 1 year old’s birthday? And she then had the gaul to label it a party? And she threw her toys out of the pram because an 8yo didn’t get changed out of a football kit for dropping into someone’s house for 30 minutes, presumably on the way home from their match, to drop off a present for a child who is to young to understand what is going on never mind give a fuck about what anyone is wearing? Wow.
Exactly this!!
Confusedandshaken · 17/05/2021 09:51

She's an old friend so presumably you value her. Humour her. Text back along the lines of you are SO sorry she was offended but time and changing facilities didn't allow for DD to change out of her kit. You hope her PFB had a lovely day anyway and liked their present.

I think once the baby blinkers dissolve a bit she will appreciate how crazy she was and cringe for herself. Just like I'm cringing for her now.