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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 17/05/2021 15:24

@billybagpuss

She’s a MNer!

That thought crossed my mind too 😂

Wouldn’t you just love it if on one thread the person recognised themselves and said “look this thread is about me, I was stressed and I messed up!”

Never going to happen though.....

SunflowersAndLavender · 17/05/2021 15:31

Oh My God. Rude, entitled and completely batshit.

This is being picked up by the Daily Mail for sure.

SwimBaby · 17/05/2021 15:33

One of my DS’s spent about 18 months wearing his Spider-Man suit complete with big sewn in muscles and matching wellies. The OP’s friend has a lot to learn.

Meirou90 · 17/05/2021 15:34

Fuck this woman, she needs telling.

Flappityflippers1 · 17/05/2021 15:35

@PicaK

Another one saying that this has to be taken as a sign that she's not OK. It's so off the scale batshit/unreasonable. Reply needed on lines of "Mate are you OK? Love you to bits but you don't seem yourself. Never known you so hyper focused on such a small detail - we were so pleased to see you guys, made time to be there and had put thought into x's present. You genuinely sound like you're struggling with lockdown and resenting missing out on some things. How can we help? "
Agree with this one, it’s lovely.

I had severe PNA after my first, and I would have done (basically did do, but without time slots!) exactly what your friend has (as in ridiculous expectations of people, micro managing the day etc). I don’t think she sounds ok.

Raindancer411 · 17/05/2021 15:49

So she just wanted gifts really?!? It wasn't a party. I have offered if anyone wants to see my daughter on her first to let me know, but I am not giving everyone time slots or expecting them to dress up for it. If people come it will be lovely to see them but no expectations of anything other than their presence to see my little one for the first time since she was born in the first lockdown

Gsheterl · 17/05/2021 15:50

Totally agree it’s a batshit comment - any chance of post natal depression coupled with lockdown? Maybe just ask if she’s ok as it’s not something anyone would normally worry about

Hopdathelf · 17/05/2021 15:52

I really hope we get an update on this one. It could be the new Softzilla.

Drive-by-(not a)-partyzilla!

CrazyCatLover · 17/05/2021 15:57

Fair enough asking if she is ok, but I too think the reply is very rude. Had a friend in the past who became a self-centred rude person after having a baby and friendship didn’t last as was all one sided. I just don’t understand it, everyone has had a difficult year. OP might not have wanted to go and spend time at a door step for a child’s birthday but still had the decency to show interest in her friends child and spend money so I think it’s nothing but rude how she has been treated.

Lostinthemail · 17/05/2021 15:58

@namechangedforthis21

Forgot to post her reply. Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip. I forgot to thank you for the beautiful dress you got her and the book she loved the book. Will give you a buzz when I'm taking the dogs out tonight if you fancy joining us.
Well... maybe she should wait until her daughter is a little bit older and has her own activities to judge other people’s parenting skills... maybe that will make her imagination more active. What a b#tch.
PyongyangKipperbang · 17/05/2021 16:19

I agree with PP's that this is a classic case of PFB exacerbated by the fact that that she is a lockdwn baby. So this has been the only thing her mum has been able to look forward to and has built it up in her mind as the second coming.

She will look back and cringe in a few years, hopefully.

IsThePopeCatholic · 17/05/2021 16:22

She’s a halfwit.

wearetheweirdosmr · 17/05/2021 16:27

I'd be so tempted to reply
I think you meant to say thank you and remind her of this in a few years when she is running around trying to fit everything around her child's activities.

Also - why is she a friend?

bigbaggyeyes · 17/05/2021 16:29

I'm still gob smacked you had a time slot and they put a tent up to receive pressies. Is her daughters name Charlotte?

BlokeHereInPeace · 17/05/2021 16:29

All these suggestions about black tie to the BBQ are ignoring the fact that the OP and/or their partner may have a military background, in which dress uniform and medals should be worn.

ethelredonagoodday · 17/05/2021 16:31

She sounds utterly bonkers.

tobedtoMNandfart · 17/05/2021 16:32

@Hopdathelf

I really hope we get an update on this one. It could be the new Softzilla.

Drive-by-(not a)-partyzilla!

Bumbo(throne)zilla??
wearetheweirdosmr · 17/05/2021 16:36

Have you really been 'friends' for 30 years?
Think about it.
A friend would not telling you when you can bring a present around unless you asked specifically when would be convenient.
A friend would say thank you
A friend would not care about if you all showed up in scruff order for a curb side present drop.

Sometimes we have these relationships that just drag on for years because they have always been there, they should never have made it outside the school playground but we feel attached to the sentiment rather than it being a true friendship.

TopBlogger · 17/05/2021 16:40

You didn't "taken her out in it", you were taking her HOME in it, as you weren't invited to any party.

She sidestepped the party issue slyly!

custardbear · 17/05/2021 16:46

Bloody hell, she's being a precious FTM, your DD has better things to do than change in the car (assuming football changing rooms are closed) for a quick drop off of a bloody birthday present - the woman has no idea about being a mum to a busy family clearly ... she'll learn 🙄

m0therofdragons · 17/05/2021 16:49

How would she have felt if Dd was a ds? This is hilarious! I’d definitely say something like “see how you feel in another 8 years and Dd loves football.”

VivaDixie · 17/05/2021 16:55

Well when I was 7 I used to insist on going to parties in full Adam Ant attire. Green velvet pedal pushers, knee length white socks, full frilly new romantic blouse, bandana on backcombed hair and a white stripe over my nose.

Maybe that would be dressed up enough for her! Grin

bloodyhell19 · 17/05/2021 16:57

Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip.

So an "I'm sorry but..." non-apology coupled with a judgement on your parenting. Fabulous.

She's not a friend OP. At all. She's just nasty, entitled & sly.

Ingridla · 17/05/2021 17:02

Was it an Arsenal strip? If your friend is staunch Spurs then yabvu Wink

GintyMcGinty · 17/05/2021 17:05

The reply is worse than the original message.

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