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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Immunetypegoblin · 17/05/2021 14:11

Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip.

Reply with "It didn't just 'come across' as rude mate, it was a bit rude! I honestly didn't realise that it was meant to be a party rather than just a dropping-off-present slot. Also, what's wrong with a football strip? I am glad your DD liked the book though, that is good :)"

GU24Mum · 17/05/2021 14:12

Just as well she doesn't have a teenage boy as their idea of "party attire" is, at best, cleanish clothes and they seem incapable of wearing anything (which isn't school uniform) other than tracksuits, hoodies and sports kit.

I think your friend is mad and also rude and personally I wouldn't be free tonight and might have something else on instead of the BBQ - but I wouldn't say anything else as it could end up with one of you saying something hard to recover from.

lucyslocketinherpocket · 17/05/2021 14:17

She was rude! I'd tell her so. Honestly what a drama queen. 'I can't imagine' well when your baby is a bit older and you're rushing around trying to fit everything in with little time perhaps you'll imagine it then. Jesus wept.

Hersetta427 · 17/05/2021 14:17

As the owner of a 9 yr old boy he would consider turning up wearing his latest Tottenham kit as wearing his best clothes. She will learn such things in the future.

Cushionsnotpillows · 17/05/2021 14:18

Well. Not only is she rude, she appears to have internalised the patriarchal misogyny that girls should be in pretty Princess dresses and never do anything as "unladylike" and "unfeminine" as actually move their bodies in a sport they enjoy.

Sad. I'd be giving her next party a bigger swerve than a Beckham left kick.

Rhiannon13 · 17/05/2021 14:28

OP as you've known her a long time and this is truly out of character, are you sure there isn't a bigger problem here? It must be extremely difficult bringing up a baby in the artificial environment of a lockdown so are you sure she hasn't developed mental health issues or gone a bit OTT re: hygiene (hence her freaking out about the muddy football kit)?

Not excusing her rudeness (as a friend you do need to let her know this was unacceptable) but I'd imagine a fair few people have lost their grip on what's reasonable by this point.

Bookrat · 17/05/2021 14:28

Good for you OP. You have been kind without backing down and given your friendship a chance.

I don't think much of her apology, but lockdown with a newborn sounds hellish to me and cutting her some slack may well be justified.

grapewine · 17/05/2021 14:29

Still rude and precious. She must have some really good points for you to bother at this point.

Hockeyboysmum · 17/05/2021 14:29

From the ages of about 4 to 9 my son wore a football strip to most bday parties he was invited to...as did his friends. As far as they are concerned thats dressed up.

SpaceOp · 17/05/2021 14:30

Agree with others, be prepared to (gently) take the piss in three to four years time when her DD refuses to leave the house in anything except a princess t-shirt and sandals.... even though it's -10 and snowing! Grin

I do feel sorry for her. It sounds like she's struggling with things not necessarily being the way she imagined, probably made worse by lockdown. However, having said that, her DD is 1, she needs to start getting real now.

PassGo · 17/05/2021 14:30

It's very odd, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and ask if she is OK.

Treemama · 17/05/2021 14:34

I found her reply quite rude. She's talking as if your dd was wearing pyjamas Confused. She's the one who needs etiquette lessons.

LordOfTheOnionRings · 17/05/2021 14:41

That's insane

woofgoesthecat · 17/05/2021 14:41

Her reply was rude. She doesn’t get to have an opinion of what your daughter is wearing. It doesn’t matter what she can imagine doing or not. I’d make that clear to her.

MzHz · 17/05/2021 14:45

@namechangedforthis21

Forgot to post her reply. Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip. I forgot to thank you for the beautiful dress you got her and the book she loved the book. Will give you a buzz when I'm taking the dogs out tonight if you fancy joining us.
She’s a MNer!
billybagpuss · 17/05/2021 14:46

She’s a MNer!

That thought crossed my mind too 😂

Biffbaff · 17/05/2021 14:46

She can't imagine taking her child out in a football strip? Even when she's been playing football?

Weird. She's trying to obsessively control everything, even what her friends' children wear. I'd ask her if she's OK tbh because it sounds like she isn't.

MzHz · 17/05/2021 14:48

Your dd was at fucking football training! You weren’t taking her out in a kit, she’d just been at practice!

Your friend is an idiot

Zzelda · 17/05/2021 14:51

@namechangedforthis21

Forgot to post her reply. Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip. I forgot to thank you for the beautiful dress you got her and the book she loved the book. Will give you a buzz when I'm taking the dogs out tonight if you fancy joining us.
She's got an awful lot to learn, particularly if she has any more children. When mine were little I was often grateful if we managed to get them out of the house with any clothes on at all.
Dontbeme · 17/05/2021 14:55

Will give you a buzz when I'm taking the dogs out tonight if you fancy joining us

Reply "Sorry I can't the ball gown is in the dry cleaners and the tiara is being polished"

She nicely ignored your mention that it wasn't a party though in your first message didn't she. I know she is a friend OP, but she sounds a twat.

hamstersarse · 17/05/2021 14:57

I'm hoping that the pandemic has just temporarily sent people a bit crazy. This is so preposterous and I can only put it down to a projection of disappointment that she couldn't have a proper party for PFB's birthday.

BackforGood · 17/05/2021 14:57

I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip

To which I would have to reply "Whyever not? Confused "

However, at least she has apologised for being so rude in her first message

amusedbush · 17/05/2021 15:03

That was a shit apology. She just came across as being sniffy and judgey about your DD wearing a football strip.

Sssloou · 17/05/2021 15:12

It’s never an apology when there’s a “but...”

It’s just doubling down and giving you another slap for DARING to speak out.

billy1966 · 17/05/2021 15:20

Good lord, such appalling manners.

A child dressed for healthy exercise, to my mind should be encouraged and applauded.

I honestly cannot get over how rude some people are from the stories on MN.

I wonder how she will feel if someone is presumptuous enough as to critique her daughter's outfit.

Very rude.

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