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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedforthis21 · 17/05/2021 13:15

Thanks everyone for your replies they have made me laugh.
I texted her back this morning saying

Hope ..... enjoyed her first birthday it was great to see you all.
I must of missed the text about her party as all I received was a time slot to drop off her gift.
Anyways hope you are all keeping well and you know where I am if you fancy a chat.

OP posts:
SadieCow · 17/05/2021 13:15

Oh dear, that is batshit!

Lovemusic33 · 17/05/2021 13:17

I would turn up for the bbq in full football kit 🤣🤣 all of you.

She sounds crazy.

Original poster
namechangedforthis21 · 17/05/2021 13:22

Forgot to post her reply.
Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip. I forgot to thank you for the beautiful dress you got her and the book she loved the book.
Will give you a buzz when I'm taking the dogs out tonight if you fancy joining us.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/05/2021 13:24

@WildNorthEast

Just send back some laughing emojis.
Exactly what I was going to day. She is crackers.
ThePluckOfTheCoward · 17/05/2021 13:24

Well handled Op, your text was perfect and seems to have had the desired effect of pulling her up on her entitled behaviour.

Myglueattack · 17/05/2021 13:27

Seems a bit crazy, but I'd just ignore it now so as not to do anything to your friendship. And as someone said, remind her in a few years, and watch her cringe hehe x

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 17/05/2021 13:29

OP I think you sent a good response but her reply is still very rude imo
I would 100% be rethinking this friendship. It seems your friend can say whatever she likes with impunity & you have to tip toe on eggshells around her.
I'd be v tempted to reply
Glad you liked the dress for your daughter. I just cannot imagine criticizing how any child was dressed to drop off a gift.

EssentialHummus · 17/05/2021 13:33

Yeah, her reply is still rude imo. I’d be buying her little princess a football kit for her next bday.

EverythingWasGolden · 17/05/2021 13:34

She's crazily rude! I'm lost for words tbh

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 17/05/2021 13:34

I wouldn't rethink a 30 year friendship on the basis of one rude text followed by an apology.

I would definitely store this up in the memory banks for massive piss taking when PFB DD is ten and your friend has figured out what parenthood really is about.

Pollypocket89 · 17/05/2021 13:35

Such a weird reaction to a child in a sports kit

diddl · 17/05/2021 13:37

@namechangedforthis21

Forgot to post her reply. Sorry if my text came across as rude as I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip. I forgot to thank you for the beautiful dress you got her and the book she loved the book. Will give you a buzz when I'm taking the dogs out tonight if you fancy joining us.
Has she forgotten that your daughter had been playing/watching football with no time to change & hence why she was wearing football strip?

She seems to have taken it as a deliberate slight that she wasn't in a party frock-although that would have been ott just for dropping off presents.

Szyz2020 · 17/05/2021 13:41

Can you imagine getting your child dressed up for a party only for them to discover there was no party, just an errand to drop off a present? That would have been demonstrating a lack of thought.

It sounds as though your friend may be fully signed up to girl= pretty princesses rather than girls = people who might like sport.

Sleepplease1111 · 17/05/2021 13:42

Well her reply makes her sounds like a bitch.

Womencanlift · 17/05/2021 13:44

Yeah she has not redeemed herself with that reply. Still sounds very self obsessed

Just give it a few years when her child is involved in weekend activities and she is trying to balance time

UpSlyDown · 17/05/2021 13:45

@MindyStClaire

Yes I think it's a covid thing. She had her first baby and the end of her pregnancy at the height of the strictest lockdown. They probably told themselves they'd make up for it with a big first birthday party, and now can't do that either.

So they came up with a plan of a day of festivities, with everyone dropping by, party atmosphere but covid safe. And then people didn't make the same effort as they would've for a proper party, and so even their adapted plan didn't work the way they wanted. They thought it was obvious it was a party under different circumstances, you thought it was dropping off a gift.

Utterly batshit, but I can see how it's come about. I had a baby last summer and in online groups I've seen a lot of people struggling with the loss of baby showers, christenings etc, and just the general chance to show the baby off and have a fuss made.

If either of my friends of 30 years sent me that text I'd be a bit worried about them. But also struggle for the wording to check in because "... on the grounds of your bonkers message" probably wouldn't go down well. Grin

I agree with this. I’ve had a baby during lockdown and often feel sad that she didn’t get any of the experiences, nobody knows her, no party etc. I’d never expect others to dance to a bizarre tune for me but I can see in her possibly PND affected view that people aren’t making the effort for her baby when she may have made the effort for them. It’s a tough time to have a baby, I’d let it slide.
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 17/05/2021 13:46

I wonder what she thinks your dd should wear when playing football if not a football strip.

billybagpuss · 17/05/2021 13:46

Of course she can’t imagine it, her pfb just is only 1, wait until she refuses to go anywhere unless she’s dressed like Dobby, I’m sure her standards will drop a bit.

I think she may have reread the message again this morning, questioned first why you took so long to reply, then realised what a bitch she sounds like, she then tries to backtrack and justify it and it can across worse.

saraclara · 17/05/2021 13:48

I just can't imagine taking ..... out in a football strip

I'd reply "Ha! Come back to be in 8 or 10 years on that one!"
And in person talk about how busy life is with kids once they're involved in activities, and how a lot of things like delivering presents have to be done on the way from one thing to another.

saraclara · 17/05/2021 13:49

Come back to me, even

BlueVelvetStars · 17/05/2021 13:49

Of course she can’t imagine it, her pfb just is only 1, wait until she refuses to go anywhere unless she’s dressed like Dobby, I’m sure her standards will drop a bit.

🤣😂🤣

saraclara · 17/05/2021 13:49

@CheeseCakeSunflowers

I wonder what she thinks your dd should wear when playing football if not a football strip.
Ha! Exactly
LigPatin · 17/05/2021 13:55

I'm sorry but this is hilarious.

I'm imagining this poor baby trussed up like a Christmas Turkey, presented on a throne Bumbo on a table underneath a gazebo, with a queue of people assigned to present her with gifts.

Sort of like a cross between a book signing and the Coming of Jesus.

That alone is pure gold, but the fact that there was an unwritten dress code is killing me.

Reply along the veins of that the Three Shepherds didn't have to wear party attire for their visitation and avoid her until she's come down of her Precious First Born high.
(Or make a point of wearing a tea towel on your head - 1990s navity play style - with at least one of you (ideally DH) dress as an angel, every time you visit.

In brighter news - at the very least this has made my day that bit happier. Thank you, OP.

mam0918 · 17/05/2021 14:02

I am sure in the 7+ years I have attended kids birthdays I have seen many kids in football kits, its very common for boys.

Unless she was like coated in mud then it seems normal 'kids party' attire, I mean its not a formal wedding lol.