Friends daughters 1st birthday

[namechangedforthis21]

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

Don't be so sodding daft would be my reply!

Wahahahahaha, wait till your friends kid is 3 and she’ll proably apologise herself whilst dragging her superman outfit, ripped tights + muddy boots and tiara darling to whatever event there is :D

Your friend has no manners, what an awful thing to say to a guest who has taken the time to come to their celebration. I would feel upset too.

That said, I have been in similar situations to yours several times over the year and I have always tried to change my DC out of any sports kit if at all possible. They can get out of their kit and pull on a dress or similar in the back of then car, it only takes a minute and I think it shows respect to the hosts who have no doubt made an effort to arrange the event.

In this case it sounded like a very casual affair, so perhaps your friend is being a bit difficult here? But they did have a gazebo and you were given a 30 min slot so clearly some effort was made on their part, which she expected you to match by dressing for the occasion... not sure what I would have done in your place but either way your friend should not have texted you in this way

It wasn't a party! And even if it was so what?

My DS went to a one year old's birthday party in his school uniform because we couldn't get home, changed and back in time! Likewise I was in work wear. It's being there that is important.

Disappointed - really?

@namechangedforthis21

No mention of a party or anything I thought it was her way of limiting the numbers at her door. It was just a show up drop the present off and leave type thing. Yes this is her pfb. She has never been like this before her baby and that's why I wondered have I done something wrong. Although some of her comments since her dd was born have been batshit. No thank you just that message.

I think you spoiled a photo op!

I was sitting thinking how I seem to be lacking in friends lately but when I read stories on here like this I feel like maybe I am having lucky escapes! Absolutely bonkers!!!

Was she always crazy or has the pandemic/motherhood got to her?

@BackforGood

We are invited to a bbq at hers in a few weeks and dh has said he will be wearing his full suit so he doesn't offend her.

Definitely. Full evening dress from you all I should think.

Medals to be worn too.

@Hopdathelf

Giving her all the benefit of the doubt that I can, is it a hygiene issue? Was she concerned about muddy kit near the baby?

Doubt it, her rant mention 'appropriate party attire', ie a frock!

Sometimes I think that the character Amanda in Motherland is completely ridiculous and unlike anybody in real life. Then I read an OP like this.

@MoiraNotRuby

Sounds like she is struggling?

Sounds like she's an idiot.

@Brindisi32

Did her baby daughter complain about the football strip? Hopefully whatever is bothering your friend will fade and she'll laugh at herself.

The baby's probably a disgruntled Chelsea fan, hope the present was a cuddly fox!

@AgathaX

She's going to look back at stuff like this in years to come and absolutely cringe.

My thought exactly! Screen shot these pages so she won't be able to have a different memory of the event!

FWIW when friends have sent me out of character rude messages, it has been a sign that they're not ok. So I would also suggest giving her a call and trying to have a proper chat.

@bluebellscorner

Your friend has no manners, what an awful thing to say to a guest who has taken the time to come to their celebration. I would feel upset too.

That said, I have been in similar situations to yours several times over the year and I have always tried to change my DC out of any sports kit if at all possible. They can get out of their kit and pull on a dress or similar in the back of then car, it only takes a minute and I think it shows respect to the hosts who have no doubt made an effort to arrange the event.

In this case it sounded like a very casual affair, so perhaps your friend is being a bit difficult here? But they did have a gazebo and you were given a 30 min slot so clearly some effort was made on their part, which she expected you to match by dressing for the occasion... not sure what I would have done in your place but either way your friend should not have texted you in this way

I'm afraid even if it had been a full blown birthday party with an entertainer, balloons, cake and party games, it is impossible for me to see a situation when an 8 year old wearing a football stripe is an issue at a 1 year old birthday party. I might expect an 8 year old to be dressed more smartly for a wedding, but that's about it.

Another one saying that this has to be taken as a sign that she's not OK.
It's so off the scale batshit/unreasonable.
Reply needed on lines of
"Mate are you OK? Love you to bits but you don't seem yourself. Never known you so hyper focused on such a small detail - we were so pleased to see you guys, made time to be there and had put thought into x's present. You genuinely sound like you're struggling with lockdown and resenting missing out on some things. How can we help? "

Yes, the baby must have been so so SO disappointed with your DD’s outfit, it must have ruined her birthday. It sounds like you responded in a much nicer way than I would!

@Honeyroar

I think I’d reply don’t worry you haven’t made me feel bad, you’ve just made yourself look ridiculous. And if we’ve offended you that much perhaps you’d better return the present that you have forgotten to say thank you for??

Yep I'd reply something like this. What an ungrateful grabby self obsessed message.

I wouldn't bother going to the BBQ knowing she will be sitting in judgement too.

God I hope she's on Mumsnet and reads this.

@PicaK

Another one saying that this has to be taken as a sign that she's not OK. It's so off the scale batshit/unreasonable. Reply needed on lines of "Mate are you OK? Love you to bits but you don't seem yourself. Never known you so hyper focused on such a small detail - we were so pleased to see you guys, made time to be there and had put thought into x's present. You genuinely sound like you're struggling with lockdown and resenting missing out on some things. How can we help? "

Great message!!

You need to end the friendship now as she is only going to get worse.

Definitely go the bbq in a full football strip this would be hilarious

@Xoxoxoxoxoxox

Even the shepherds didn't have to change when dropping off presents for baby Jesus, but you do you, dear.

Omg this is brilliant

@namechangedforthis21

We have been friends for over 30 years that's why I don't want to reply something that will end the friendship. She has never behaved like this in the past although she very much think the world revolves around her dd and has done some crazy stuff since she was born. She likes to plan stuff and when it doesn't go the exact way she has planned she can get a bit moody about it. I am going to text her in the morning saying that I was unaware that it was a party and I hope that her dd had a good birthday and liked her present.

She might be remembering your dd’s 1st birthday and how special your family and friends (including her) made it?

I think when you have older kids it’s easy to be dimissive over things like this & forget that they are important milestones. having a Lockdown baby myself I can tell you it’s shit without family and friends not making an effort for the little celebrations we could have. DS 1st birthday party was virtual but all the kids dressed up to make it extra special.

@Guavafish yeah don't be so wet. OP has absolutely nothing to apologise for. I'm getting over invested in this but rude and ungrateful people need to be hauled up, life long friendships should be able to handle it.

@PicaK

Another one saying that this has to be taken as a sign that she's not OK. It's so off the scale batshit/unreasonable. Reply needed on lines of "Mate are you OK? Love you to bits but you don't seem yourself. Never known you so hyper focused on such a small detail - we were so pleased to see you guys, made time to be there and had put thought into x's present. You genuinely sound like you're struggling with lockdown and resenting missing out on some things. How can we help? "

This is lovely.

People on here are always so ready to throw away other people's longterm relationships. I have a couple of good friends I've known since school - the friendship is long established and deep enough to sustain the odd misstep by one of us.

Is your friend OK? If one of my friends acted that way, I would worry that something else was going on and that maybe there was something I could do to help her get through it.