To not know if I'm a Mrs or a Miss

[Ticklemycarpets]

I got married recently, happy to be known as Mrs Husbandsname but haven't changed name officially on any documentation.
I was completing an official form today (counter signing someone else's passport) and had to fill in my title with my name.
I am thinking for the purposes of this, my name is still my maiden name as that matches my passport. However I hesitated over ticking the Mrs or Miss box.
I think of my self as a Mrs now....
..but I'm not Mrs Maidenname.

All of you who are married but use your maiden name, do you say you are Miss on official forms?

@1stTimeMama

You're Mrs Husbandsname automatically on getting married, you don't have to change things officially, so you would be Mrs, not Ms. My passport is in my maiden name, but that doesn't make it my actual name.

This isn't the case. The default legal position is that on marriage you retain your family name, just as a man would, unless you take active steps to change it.

I've been a Ms since the age of about 16, irrespective of marital status. Dr is an easy get-out clause - a title I never intended on using out of the workplace - but as the years go by I'm sick and tired of the expectation of clarification or even justification. That the expectation even exists I confess surprises me: I'd have thought people wouldn't give a damn and their only interest would be ticking a box.

I'd happily dump 'titles' altogether, other than in a professional context. They're not necessary.

@Neonprint

To me miss is for children. So no I wouldn't use it. But I have my own name which isn't a maiden name it's just my name.

With you on this. It's a horrible term.

OP, in relation to the form you're competing, use what's on the passport, to enable the form for your friend to be approved quickly.

Then you can decide what you'll do thi your name later on.

FWIW, I still use my birth name plus Ms, and I'm 52. I have no plans to change it.

@FlorrieLindley

Been married 25 years and am Ms or sometimes Miss FlorrieLindley. Never Mrs Hisname. Not on passport, tax, bank - anything official, I am still using my maiden name. In-laws hate it, and send birthday cards etc to 'Florrie' followed by my address. They absolutely refuse to call me FlorrieLindley. I have a sneaking suspicion that they think what I'm doing is illegal somehow ...

I had this from MIL who was a lovely kind woman and is now long dead. She had simply never heard of someone not changing their name. Whenever anyone calls me by DH name I assume they want MIL not me.

In-laws hate it, and send birthday cards etc to 'Florrie' followed by my address. They absolutely refuse to call me FlorrieLindley.

I have this too. It's beyond offensive that someone won't afford you the courtesy of using your actual name. Some people become annoyed when their name is mis-spelled, which is a thing that's never unduly bothered me. But people should at least have the manners to use the right one, and if their actual object is to be rude (the in-laws' is) I'd simply rather they didn't address me in the first place.

This, of course, is entirely the point. It's done to put women back in our box.

I haven't changed my name but I use Mrs Maiden Surname. I am a Mrs because I am married. All my children have my second name as their middle name; I don't want to saddle them with double barrelled names.

@Hirewiredays

I haven't changed my name but I use Mrs Maiden Surname. I am a Mrs because I am married. All my children have my second name as their middle name; I don't want to saddle them with double barrelled names.

How does your husband denote to all and sundry that he is married? He doesn’t? Shouldn’t he? Why does it matter that you do but he doesn’t? Is marriage something sort of achievement for women but not men? Doesn’t that bother you?

I have always used Mrs Maidenname since getting married

Ms

You're Mrs as a married woman, not Miss. If you don't want to disclose your marital status, use Ms.

@GreyhoundG1rl

You're Mrs as a married woman, not Miss. If you don't want to disclose your marital status, use Ms.

You can be anything you like - use of titles is just a convention not a law

Ooh. Gonna spend the rest of the week referring to myself as Miss and 10 year old DD as Mrs.

Let the fucking sky fall in.

@DinoHat

You’re Mrs from the date of your marriage. The evidence of name change is your marriage certificate.

It’s obviously up to you whether you keep your maiden name or husbands name, but if you chose to change you are again, Mrs Husbands name from the date of your marriage, as evidenced by your marriage certificate.

Da fuq? Mrs is an entirely optional title. Nobody is Mrs anything unless they choose to be.

You can be anything you like - use of titles is just a convention not a law
Well yes, of course. But op seemed confused as to whether she was a Mrs or a Miss

My general name (and DHs) is Mrs maidenname-DHname for work I am Mrs Maidenname. I am married and choose to express that, so I use Mrs.

@Kyph

I am Mrs Maidenname. Married 30 years and never used married name ever. DH will happily answer to Mr Kyph as I always book everything and use my name. Even the plumber calls him Mr Kyph Last week I rang HMRC and as part of ID check she asked if I had ever been known by another name. I said no and she pushed me to think about it. Then it dawned on me that DHs name is my legal name even though Ive never used it.

No it isn't!! Your name is your legal name. You can use your husband's if you want but it's not your name unless you make it so. How do women still believe this in 2021??

I’m Miss Maiden name. I like the idea of Ms but not the sound.
Each to their own. I wish our system didn’t make us choose.

@1stTimeMama

You're Mrs Husbandsname automatically on getting married, you don't have to change things officially, so you would be Mrs, not Ms. My passport is in my maiden name, but that doesn't make it my actual name.

No you bloody are not

I use Mrs! And kept my maiden name

I do find it amusing, the number of feminists on here who still use the term ‘maiden name’, a very archaic term, whilst disparaging women who adopt their husband’s surname.

How do women still believe this in 2021??
Some very patronising comments on here considering the topic!

How does HMRC know my husband's surname?
I have never told them.
I have never used it. Ever. In any situation.
It seemed reasonable to assume that some official somewhere got it from the registry office.

I use my married name and write a note for passport office on a bit of paper.

As pp said, if it has to match your passport, then it doesn't matter as passport don't have titles.

When I was dealing with the Home Office - who only use the name on a passport, no matter what - they used my current title with my then-passport name even though my entire name was different including the title I'd used under that name.

I'd just use whichever title you'd like if a title is required (I use none whenever I can). Unless it's a protected title, you can use whatever whenever you want as long as you're not trying to defraud someone (and if you were, I'd doubt you'd care about that part of the law).

I just don't understand all this karfuffel about names. YOU decide what your name is, YOU decide if you are MRS. or Miss or Ms. or whatever .However, there are certain formalities on being married for examlpe that you must have it recorded by which name you are using in the future. A name is a very identifiying feature for all sorts of official documents and procedures so just make a decision and stick to it!

However, there are certain formalities on being married for examlpe that you must have it recorded by which name you are using in the future. A name is a very identifiying feature for all sorts of official documents and procedures so just make a decision and stick to it!

This is also horseshit. You could use a thousand names if you wanted to. And there is no official register of names.