To not know if I'm a Mrs or a Miss

[Ticklemycarpets]

I got married recently, happy to be known as Mrs Husbandsname but haven't changed name officially on any documentation.
I was completing an official form today (counter signing someone else's passport) and had to fill in my title with my name.
I am thinking for the purposes of this, my name is still my maiden name as that matches my passport. However I hesitated over ticking the Mrs or Miss box.
I think of my self as a Mrs now....
..but I'm not Mrs Maidenname.

All of you who are married but use your maiden name, do you say you are Miss on official forms?

@1stTimeMama

You're Mrs Husbandsname automatically on getting married, you don't have to change things officially, so you would be Mrs, not Ms. My passport is in my maiden name, but that doesn't make it my actual name.

OMG. Only if you choose to change it. Nothing happens automatically.

I use Ms Marriedname. Which still feels weird to me nearly ten years later.

You don’t need to ‘do’ anything to change your title.

I use Ms on everything. I only use my married name socially/for the kids school etc. My work and bank account are all still maiden name and always will be.

You’re Mrs from the date of your marriage

Not true. You're a Mrs if you decide to call yourself Mrs,, you don't have to be married to use it either.

*OMG. Only if you choose to change it. Nothing happens automatically.

I think what that poster means is that the marriage certificate is enough to change your name, you don't need a separate procedure, it is, in effect, automatic. So after your marriage you can be known as 'marriedsurname' without having to do anything.

I have never used DHs name in any way and yet when I got married in 1991 I was sent a national insurance card with his name. HMRC and pensions have my records as DHname known as K/A Kyph. This is why I thought it was my legal name.

I would use whatever is on your passport or driving licence. I get around all this garbage by using Dr.

Amazing how men never bother with this, isn’t it? They’re just Mr no matter their marital status.

Surely they have the better system?

@1stTimeMama

You're Mrs Husbandsname automatically on getting married, you don't have to change things officially, so you would be Mrs, not Ms. My passport is in my maiden name, but that doesn't make it my actual name.

Of course you are not. My mother thought this as well, even though I hadn't changed my name when I got married she was convinced that my "legal" name was still my husband's name to the extent that when she needed someone to sign a form who didn't have the same surname as her (so not Dad, my sisters etc) she tried to get me to do it, because obviously my real name was my husband's name despite my whimsical decision not to use it.

Anyway, to answer the original question, I am Ms Originalsurname

I’m Ms Maidenname for work and Ms Marriedname for anything I do on my own, but will be Mrs Marriedname in a Mr & Mrs situation eg checking into a hotel or receiving an invitation

I’ve always been Ms MyLastName, since I was 18.

I wish people would stop saying ‘maiden name’. It’s your name, the one you were born with, it doesn’t change after you marry. You choose to either take your partner’s name, or keep your name.

ODFO. OP obviously wants to use it - as is apparent from her OP, but is unclear as to when she is able to use the term.

OP was asking when she could assume her new title and surname. My response was in respect of those facts.

I once had a long circular conversation with a family friend who could not understand how my legal name had not changed after my marriage. She just could not get her head around the fact that the marriage certificate had not automatically changed my name.

Oh, and my DH was willing to change his name to mine, but then he would have had exactly the same name as my dad, so we decided that was too weird!

My DH also had a male work colleague who got married and had chosen to take his wife's name. As a solicitor I wrote him up a nice little letter to give to the HR department who refused to change their records until they had seen a deed poll for the name change as it was only women's names who automatically changed on marriage and men couldn't use the marriage certificate for the same purpose (wrong wrong wrong!).

OP - It really doesn't matter from a legal point of view, so put whatever you feel comfortable with. I kept my maiden name and tend to use Ms. The only place I am still Miss is on my driving licence as I was renewing it in a hurry when it last expired, and to change it to Ms would have needed a whole new application.

This reminds me.. I need to write to the Home Office because on one of the new visa forms they have introduced the options are only Mr, Miss or Mrs.. no Ms!

I’m Miss if I’m using my maiden name (professionally, and for anything I’ve not updated yet) and Mrs when I’m using my husbands name.

That just feels right to me. Miss husbands name doesn’t exist and Mrs my maiden name would be my mum, I guess!

I would have gone with Ms. Or whatever the documentation is in, so I'm guessing yours is Miss. I think the title is largely irrelevant but you don't want to mess up someone's passport application.

That just feels right to me. Miss husbands name doesn’t exist and Mrs my maiden name would be my mum, I guess!

Mrs Marriedname is my MIL which is why I try to avoid it!

Been married 25 years and am Ms or sometimes Miss FlorrieLindley. Never Mrs Hisname.
Not on passport, tax, bank - anything official, I am still using my maiden name.
In-laws hate it, and send birthday cards etc to 'Florrie' followed by my address. They absolutely refuse to call me FlorrieLindley. I have a sneaking suspicion that they think what I'm doing is illegal somehow ...

@FlorrieLindley

Been married 25 years and am Ms or sometimes Miss FlorrieLindley. Never Mrs Hisname. Not on passport, tax, bank - anything official, I am still using my maiden name. In-laws hate it, and send birthday cards etc to 'Florrie' followed by my address. They absolutely refuse to call me FlorrieLindley. I have a sneaking suspicion that they think what I'm doing is illegal somehow ...

Disgustingly rude to call you by a name you don’t use.

Suggest you start calling all of them Norman. (Unless anyone’s name is actually Norman.)

I had huge push back from my in laws when I mooted not changing my name. Nowadays I'd tell them to F off but as a 24 year old trying to plan a wedding and a marriage I just didn't have it in me to protest.

They write to me as Mrs Husband'sfirstinitial Husbandssurname which makes me want to stab something

Why are you putting up with that?

On a phonecall with virgin media the call centre man tried to insist that my title was on my wedding certificate and I couldn't just pick . I prefer Ms myname, but will use Mrs Myname, and will answer to Mrs husbandname (primary school teachers). Go with what works for you. It's your name.

I honestly use whichever I feel like I any given day. It makes no difference to me.

To me miss is for children. So no I wouldn't use it. But I have my own name which isn't a maiden name it's just my name.

I'm married but didnt change my name...I go with Ms