Mums on mat leave with bottle fed babies...

[MsFrog]

...do you do every night feed every night? I know different things work for different couples. Is it reasonable for one person to do all the night feeds? Is that a stupid question?

@MsFrog same here! Likely to end up doing same w my 2nd as I’m BF again but at least he gets involved with three eldest a bit more now.

With bottle feeding there’s really no excuse for alternating feeds etc. You are working all day too. You’re just not getting paid for it. Not like you can be strung out and knackered in charge of 2 kids and it’s all fine!

Good luck :)

DH usually did the feed that was around 10/11pm as we usually did a bottle for that. He’s also a night owl so he was up anyway, and he doesn’t do well being woken in the night (does anyone? But I definitely do better than him). I did the actual night feeds, which were mostly breast feeding. Even when we switched fully to bottles he never did a single “night” feed

Often I’d do the morning feed and then he’d have them for an hour or so before work so I could hand them over and have a lie in for a bit

Generally yes, even when dh was off for summer holidays/half terms, though I seem to remember he would go and make up the bottle for me A lot of times so I could sort ds nappy or just have a cuddle.

I have always done pretty much all night time wakes because I wake up much quicker and more reliably than dh who is a very deep sleeper and then I can't get back off until ds settled (when he was still feeding at night, when it was more just not quite going through I managed!). But I get the lie in or nap in the day to make up for it.

I was ill with my 2nd DC and my baby had to switch from EBF to bottle feeding and my DH did everything. He worked full time and did all the night feeds while I recovered AND he got up to see to our eldest child at night too. With my first I EBF and did it all and DH didn’t do a single feed. There’s no magic formula of who does what, you just have to react to your own personal circumstances and work as a team.

Hit post too soon.

Working week is 40 hours. It involves breaks on your own to eat and go to the toilet, adult social interaction and validation. Baby care can be 24/7 with small breaks only when they sleep. Add to that the ridiculous expectation that because you’re on maternity leave you also have to do all the cleaning and cooking and it’s just a recipe for disaster. Mum ends up exhausted and depressed and permanent harm is done to the couples relationship.

With my first we split them 50/50, probably 60/40 with DH doing more. He used to be a lot better than me with no sleep. Now I take the youngest (5m) and he takes our eldest (18m - only up once/twice needing a quick lay back down & resettle).

I think it depends how much they're up through the night though. Youngest is up once, sometimes twice through the night and falls asleep finishing the bottle so it's no real effort. If they were a bad sleeper or up 3+ times through the night then it's fair to swap at the weekends or have DH take the late/early feeds to let you have a little sleep.

Dh got up and changed babies nappies then handed to me for feeding. He was awake for minutes where as me for hours. I still had to function and care for 3dc the next day which was arguably harder than DJ’s job.

No, we did alternate nights. Both DC were appalling sleepers day and night so it would have been impossible for me to keep going unless we split the nights. He had an office job and it was a doddle compared to being at home with high maintenance babies.

I don’t understand this approach. If baby sleeps pretty well, fine. But if they don’t, why should having a baby mean one person continues to go to work during the day and the other one suddenly works 24 hours a day? A dad who doesn’t at least split nights on the weekend is an asshole.

We did night feeds together. There is no way DH would have not helped. The main thing was that we kept to a routine, our babies were good sleepers and went back to sleep as soon as they'd been changed and fed so being awake for 15-20 mins during the night didn't leave either of us feeling particularly sleep deprived.
In the week DH would set the alarm and go downstairs to the kitchen and make the milk while I did the nappy change. Then he'd go back to sleep while I fed the baby. I guess I was awake for a little bit longer but tbh I think I got the better deal - our kitchen was freezing at night.

We didn't always stick to this - sometimes he would do everything, and other times I would do it all.

EBF here but DH did all night time diaper changes/resettling baby etc. after I fed. Got up with DD in the morning every morning during my mat leave & still gets up with her 5-6 mornings a week (we both work full time). We both felt staying home with a baby doesn’t require any less mental capacity than working (arguably more) so shared night time duties. DD did sleep through always from about 3 months & was not an early waker so it was relatively short lived, I would not have agreed & I don’t think he would have suggested that we stop splitting the care. I find it so frustrating that there is still an ongoing assumption that it’s somehow easier staying home with the baby so the non birth partner should magically get undisturbed rest. It doesn’t have to be this way! DH still does more childcare than I do.

I used to go up to bed about 9.30pm and DH would stay up downstairs with DS in his moses basket to do his 11pm feed. He'd then come up to bed and bring DS in the basket.

I would then get up to do the 3am feed.

We both got up at 7am and I'd feed DS while DH got ready for work.

On some occasions DH would leave me in bed, feed DS, then put him back down beside me and we'd both have a lie in 😂

We alternated nights. It meant that every other night we'd get an undisturbed night, which meant that neither of us got particularly tired. We were both a little tired most of the time rather than one person being exhausted. It didn't really feel like to sleep deprivation tbh because the burden was shared.

I did during the week, my husband did them on Friday and Saturday nights so I could get uninterrupted sleep on those nights.

DH works FT and im a SAHM - we share bottle feeding and night wakings. We did this with both our kids.

Generally we both got up to do feeds. I barely sleep anyway so I was always awake to feed her but my DP usually got up too. He works a mix of days and nights so I think he felt guilty that he was leaving me alone to do it on the nights he was working so did the night feeds when he was working days.
This did lead several times to him being overtired and waking me up by throwing the covers off while he searched for the baby he was sure he was feeding, who was actually fast asleep in her Moses basket .

OP, he should definitely be giving you a break from it a few times a week. It's only fair.

I did the bulk BUT DH would defo help and resettle if i was particularly exhausted. Weekends were defo shared, with alternate mornings in bed. And we both became good at power napping so one would take the kids while the other went to bed for 1hr if we needed it.

My babies aren't babies anymore but they were formula fed. Once DH had gone back to work he would do any feeds up to 11.30/midnight. After that I did them because I could have a little morning nap with the baby! At the weekends we'd usually share it - like I did Friday night and he did Saturday night or something like that.

When ds was a baby my then husband was off work long term sick so we shared the night feeds, I went to bed about 8.00pm, hubby did the feeds up to 2.00am then I took over taking ds downstairs about 6.00am & he got up around 9.00am. Ds never slept through until he was well past 1 so we shared the nights until I went back to work when he was 9 months old.

We introduced a bottle at 6 months so feeds weren't as frequent but my partner is a night owl often up until 2am so he did first half night while I slept and I did 2am onwards.

All these people who's partners must have a full, unbroken night of sleep because they're working the next day, are they really all doing such complex, intricate jobs that this is truly necessary? I find working after a bad night much easier than looking after kids on little sleep!

I did lots of it, but DH definitely helped despite being in work. He said he couldn't listen to the baby cry all night while I struggled. He was a saint to be honest. I wouldn't of expected it though, grateful he did.

I am BF and DH does some of the night feeds at the weekends! I express and leave a bottle in the fridge, I get a longer stretch of sleep.

It probably depends how well your baby sleeps but I really needed this and DH happy to help.

I feel so sorry for my DH, he worked full time and did every single night feed with me. We had twins who could not be fed together and it took so long to feed them if I did it all myself I got 0 sleep. If you get to sleep during the day then fair enough o you doing all the night feeds.

I don't believe just because you're working you shouldn't do any night feeds. Being at home with a baby isn't a holiday, you tend to take on the vast majority of housekeeping/cooking etc as well. You should try to arrange things so you have a roughly equal amount of sleep to help you both through it. If that means DH picking up the odd night feed in the week it won't do him any harm. We also took it in turns to have a lie in at the weekends.

We split night feeds every night DH always maintained he wanted to do them and I think he really enjoyed the bonding time.

We did get super lucky thou as DS started sleeping through at 9 weeks and has done since . He's 10 months old now and the back to work countdown is on 😩