Mums on mat leave with bottle fed babies...

[MsFrog]

...do you do every night feed every night? I know different things work for different couples. Is it reasonable for one person to do all the night feeds? Is that a stupid question?

Not quite the question you asked, but maybe my answer is useful: my DD was mix-fed, and I am the non-bio mum so I did all the night time bottle feeds. DP (obviously!) did all the breastfeeding. When DD was tiny she wasn't very well and we were advised to feed every two hours and top up with formula, then when she was three months we reduced it but still had a few night time formula feeds.

I think it would be very weird and lazy for anyone to let their partner do all the night feeds when FF, because there's absolutely no need for it. I can see maybe choosing a weekend day where one of you gets an unbroken night's sleep, but otherwise, no, you need to share.

When I breastfed my bottle refusing first child I did nearly every wake up. Husband slept in the spare room the lucky swine.

He was not so lucky this time round with twins. We took a baby each and he dealt with any and all wake ups from “his” twin despite working full time. I had the more difficult twin and was still on my knees so no idea what id have done if he hadn’t done his share. We both knew I had the worse end of the deal looking after twins all day rather than working!

Although I did majority, my partner usually did one per night or we’d alternate once babies were only getting up once.

Working is not necessarily harder than looking after children at home (job dependent)... and after no.1, I couldn’t snatch any daytime rest/naps as mine never slept at the same time.

I was in minority amongst friends with babies but it worked for us and we’ve maintained equal night time duties now we are both working but still have kids that wake in the night.

No my dh worked full time too but still did any night feeds on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I had no intention of being a martyr, sleep is important and I needed it to function as I had baby and young toddler to take care of too.

My DH was brilliant and did most of them. He copes better with less sleep than me.

My DH did the 11,30 feed every night and I did the 4.00 am one every night except Saturday- he did that one so I got one uninterrupted night. It worked fine for us.

@user1471604848

I'm a single mum of twins. They're 14-months now, but when they were small I used to think that if I had had a partner, the fair thing to do would be to have one baby each, each night. If I had only one baby and a partner, I think the fair thing is to alternate night on/night off, so at least you know every second night you'd get a full nights sleep.

Sleep deprivation is a killer, whether you're going out to work, or minding a baby.
I can't nap during the day, no matter how tired I am.
There is no way I'd accept doing all night wake ups and never getting a full night sleep, while with a partner who got a full nights sleep every night.

I had twins. DH was going to work and needs to be physically aware as in charge of machinery etc, so there's no way I would expect him to get up in the night.

I slept in their room so he had peace and quiet. Bottle feeding is at least manageable via a set routine so I fed at 4, 8 and 12, repeat. I used to prop their bottles up with blankets and sit with them reading a book and ready to replace dropped bottles or burp or whatever.

I think if either partner has to go out to work, the other should do the sleepless nights, purely from a health and safety perspective. I did struggle to nap in the day and I was a walking zombie for two months - but I wasn't driving to work and having to keep a clear head!

Different if BF as you probably need help with twins........

Dh did the night feeds he's a night owl and I love my sleep it worked for us.
I would express milk before bed to see them through the night.

I wouldn't have survived if I did all the night feeds. I was never able to sleep in the daytime so I couldn't have slept when the baby slept, as people advise you to do.
I used to go to bed early, around 10.30pm and my DH would do the feed at around 1am every night. He'd feed DC and could fall back to sleep really quickly. Then DC would wake around 5 or 6am and I'd get up with him then for the day, leaving DH to sleep til 8. It meant we both got a long stretch of sleep. It worked for us. I don't do well on broken sleep and couldn't have functioned without sleep.

Like lots of others have said, you have to find a pattern that works for you as a couple. It's short lived, although it doesn't feel it at the time.

My DS is now 7.5 months old and only tends to wake up once a night now, so I always do that feed as DH has to go to work and has sleeping issues which require him to take sleeping tablets so it's hard for him to wake up once he's taken them amyway. When DS was newborn we done shifts, DH would do 8pm- 1/2am then I would do the rest of the night. I do not know how I would have coped doing every night feed, My DS was an awful sleeper in the beginning.

Thank you so much everyone for your input, it makes me feel so much better to see how others often do share it on one way or another.

My DS2 is 5 months and I've done all the night feeds so far (except when he was teeny and I was recovering from birth, DH would do a 10pm ish feed so I could get a little run of sleep). Obv we have a toddler as well, so no rest through the day (he's VERY active!). I do two night feeds but usually two re-settles as well, and every morning some time between 5.30 and 6.30amy toddler climbs in to my bed to start the day!

We agreed I would do the lions share of the nights because DH just struggles with it. He gets stressed and down, and I can cope with it better than him. Our first born was an absolute nightmare, and I did that mostly on my own. But sometimes I feel like I could just use a bit of a break - up several times a night and never really away from the kids, it just gets a bit much.

The problem with doing everything when you are on mat leave is that you risk continuing to do it when you go back to work.

Start as you mean to go on. Divvy things up before you completely have to because of logistics or circumstances.

You ladies with twins doing all the night feeds are made of stronger stuff than me!!

@Bibbetyboo

The problem with doing everything when you are on mat leave is that you risk continuing to do it when you go back to work.

Start as you mean to go on. Divvy things up before you completely have to because of logistics or circumstances.

Yeah, this is what happened with my first...

@HermioneKipper

When I breastfed my bottle refusing first child I did nearly every wake up. Husband slept in the spare room the lucky swine.

He was not so lucky this time round with twins. We took a baby each and he dealt with any and all wake ups from “his” twin despite working full time. I had the more difficult twin and was still on my knees so no idea what id have done if he hadn’t done his share. We both knew I had the worse end of the deal looking after twins all day rather than working!

Think I was lucky with my twins as they were in NICU for a few weeks so came out on a settled four hour routine. I was told never to feed them before the next feed was due. So they both fed together and I never fed DS earlier even if he seemed hungry. They told me to use a dummy and it worked a treat, even though I said I never would before having them .....

And tbf they were easy babies. DS has ASD and used to be grizzly a lot (now we know why) but on the whole I had it cushy. And it was a gorgeous summer so we spent hours on blankets in the garden - much more fun than poor DH going to work every day! I know I was lucky......

.

Wow, some mums have it really tough. I struggled badly with pnd after both children were born and one of the things he the CPN said was that block sleep was crucial for my recovery. We had reflux babies so it was hard. In the early days I’d go to bed at 7pm and sleep until 12-1am then my husband would sleep from 1am to 7.00. We both
Managed that way. Then when baby started sleeping better I did two nights, dh one, me two etc. Sometimes dh would to two nights in a row.

For the first 2.5 months of DD’s life I was pumping and bottle feeding her. On Friday and Saturday nights OH would feed her while I pumped so I could get more sleep. During the week I generally did all the night feeds but if DD was unsettled he would get up and help. Now that I’m EBFing he can’t do feeds so will often get up any day of the week and resettle DD back to sleep if she wakes at 5 so I can sleep until 7.

I BF all my kids but also expressed then used formula, DH worked full time but always let me sleep at weekends after I had fed them so I could catch up on sleep.

Yeah, I'm sympathetic to how hard it is working full time, but my days are spent doing non-stop childcare or housework. It's lovely to be with my kids, but it's not easy or relaxing!

My husband worked full time but did all night feeds

He saw it as his time to bond and make up for the time out of the house at work

Second maternity leave I was breastfeeding so he hasn’t had the chance to do night feeds and was quite sad about it

@MsFrog

Thank you so much everyone for your input, it makes me feel so much better to see how others often do share it on one way or another.

My DS2 is 5 months and I've done all the night feeds so far (except when he was teeny and I was recovering from birth, DH would do a 10pm ish feed so I could get a little run of sleep). Obv we have a toddler as well, so no rest through the day (he's VERY active!). I do two night feeds but usually two re-settles as well, and every morning some time between 5.30 and 6.30amy toddler climbs in to my bed to start the day!

We agreed I would do the lions share of the nights because DH just struggles with it. He gets stressed and down, and I can cope with it better than him. Our first born was an absolute nightmare, and I did that mostly on my own. But sometimes I feel like I could just use a bit of a break - up several times a night and never really away from the kids, it just gets a bit much.

It doesn't matter what other people do. It matters what you need.

Of course your DH struggles with nights. There is no human being in the universe who cheerfully says 'ooh, woken up at 2am and 3am? Excellent!'

IMO it is normal to be stressed when you have a small baby. If you're bearing all of that stress, then he needs to pitch in.

My husband used to do the late night feed at around 10-11 pm. I used to go to bed at 9 and do the rest of the feeds during the night. Worked for us. Sometimes at weekends he used to do a few more feeds.

I breastfed mine, but dh would still help out at night with nappy changes, getting me drinks, and early on (when I was receiving from c section) he'd get up and bring me the baby and then put them back in the Moses basket. He doesn't need much sleep though, always says so long as he gets 4 hours he's fine!? I on the other hand need 8 solid hours to feel human! Guess I'm lucky he was happy to help out so much, otherwise I would have been a wreck.

We split the nights but if hubby was particularly tired then I'd do some of his. Our lb routine kinda went that he needed one around 10pm then 2am and 5am (when very young). Hubby would usually do the 5am one because he was up at 6 for work. He'd also do the 10pm one because he was rubbish at going to bed early so was still up anyways... Weekends would sometimes work a bit different so we both got one full nights sleep each a week x

@MsFrog

You ladies with twins doing all the night feeds are made of stronger stuff than me!!

Not at all - all babies are different. I didn't make DH take over at weekends because I had it pretty easy anyway - but he was great all the rest of the time. And he would have if asked.

If your feed times are erratic and you're shattered then your DP absolutely should do it at weekends! Or even in the week from time to time - depends on his job - does he drive there? Can he safely do it feeling a bit tired? If yes then he should be helping out whenever you need him to. See all the PPs whose partners do take their turn.

But also, some people have physical health issues after giving birth, or PND. Or other children to parent during the daytime. There are so many variables, I can only think the bottom line is that if someone needs support with the night feeds and they have a partner, then that partner needs to step up!