to think it shouldn’t be on my daughter to delete her social media?

[Daytimetellysucks]

DD (16) had some issues with a boy in her class. He had a crush on her, he asked DD out, she said no (not interested/she already has a boyfriend).

The boy took it badly and seemed to see her as some kind of challenge and subjected her to some wildly inappropriate behaviour, both online and in real life.

DD would block him, and he’d either create new accounts or use someone else’s phone to continue to message her or he would hang around outside our house hiding behind the bushes until she left for school or something.

I warned him off, DH warned him off, all her friends and her boyfriend warned him off, even her big sister and her boyfriend had words (and DD1 is enough to scare anyone) but he was completely obsessed.

Due to some additional needs that DD has, she has a mentor in school so we spoke to the mentor who had words at school, and we reported it to the police.

The police were great, spoke with school and visited him at home with his parents and warned him about his behaviour. He was clearly told that if he contacted her again, either directly or indirectly, he would be arrested.

All good. Her mentors have kept a close eye on it at school and all has been well for the last few weeks

Until this weekend. He sent DD a nasty, abusive message from a different number, and she then started getting some grief from a couple of his friends. DD blocked them all again.

I contacted the police again, gave then the original crime reference number so they had all the history and sent over screen shots of all the messages.

Their response - we can’t do anything, tell DD to change her number and delete all her social media.

We’re in the process of getting a new number, but she doesn’t want to delete her social media accounts, especially while we’re still in lockdown and she’s not allowed friends/her boyfriend over

She doesn’t post photos or anything like that but her friendship group all use Instagram DMs, group Facebook messenger and chats on WhatsApp. Her and her friends use WhatsApp video calls and revise together, she’s in a group video call and group chats for an Xbox game she plays so if she deletes all her social media she’ll end up cut off from all this.

I’ve gone back and asked for the original officers who dealt with it to look at it again - they’re on rest days at the moment so am waiting for them to contact me

Hopefully, once she’s changed her number they won’t be able to contact her via WhatsApp and stuff, but she hasn’t actually done anything wrong here so she shouldn’t have to remove herself from social media

@MagentaRocks

I think it is likely the officer that told her to delete SM is going on ‘old’ advice. The most recent advice in my force is that we do not tell people to delete SM, change number etc. This gives the opportunity for the victim, in a domestic abuse situation to manage risk as they will be able to see the telltale signs of escalation. Stalking is more serious than harassment so if she is changing her routine, behaviour etc to avoid this boy then it is a stalking offence.

By the sounds of the reaction from the initial police and the most recent ones it appears that the one who gave you that advice is mistaken. But definitely needs following up.

That's the other thing to consider isn't it. If you block then you have no warning that they're about to do something.

This thread is terrifying and anger-making in equal measures

I wish the Daily Mail journos Who haunt MN would pick up
On this thread and write about it , instead of some Bridezilla saga

This is so ugly - Meanwhile, here in Australia our police force is a bloody mess and in QLD, 200 women were hired over men who were deemed to be more qualified (because we desperately NEED women in this job!!!).Obviously male noses are very out of joint!

@Justilou1

This is so ugly - Meanwhile, here in Australia our police force is a bloody mess and in QLD, 200 women were hired over men who were deemed to be more qualified (because we desperately NEED women in this job!!!).Obviously male noses are very out of joint!

crikey 😳

Please make an official complaint about the response from the police. This is disgraceful. It is also pointless and ineffective, closing down social media would only work if she never went on social media again, but he still knows where she lives, so it won't stop the harassment.

In fact this could escalate matters. If he can't contact her remotely, knows where she lives and believes the police aren't serious about their threat to arrest him what is likely to happen???

Just a little update - the police went into school this morning to see both girls.

They've also popped into see me this afternoon

They want both girls to give a statement - not sure whether they’re doing it at home or whether we need to go and do it at the police station - they need to see when the little suite is free so will get back to me over the next few days.

One thing the officer did tell me, that I hadn’t previously been told - the boys parting shot when the original police officers saw him the first time was that it didn’t matter, he didn’t fancy DD anymore anyway, he now liked someone else but he didn’t tell them who. The police warned school and they’ve been keeping a close eye out ever since.

DD says that he hasn’t contacted her again at all over the last couple of days.

Hasn't contacted her because he now has a new victim, jesus wept!!

Urgh I hope someone runs over the little shite

Isn't he a vile little specimen.. just waiting to mature and be let loose on an unsuspecting society.

Lord help any female he takes a fancy too.

OP you're a good Mother and you have handled this brilliantly. 🌸

Well done for your persistence, and it's good that the police are taking an active interest now. If he's moved interest from you daughter an on to another girl, maybe something concrete will be done - I think he has a problem that needs sorting!

This just sends such a dreadful message to young women.

I would be so furious.

Please make a complaint.

Hasn't contacted her because he now has a new victim

this is almost ironic.

The police clearly didn’t put him off his stalking and harassing behaviour when they spoke to him previously. Had they been more proactive when finding out he had been hiding in the bushes at OP’s house on various occasions, and dealt with him more seriously, his new victim may have been left alone.

Ffs, 1 male perpetrators word is equal to how many female victims now?

The next time any of us are assaulted we should know how many extra victims it takes before the scales of justice line up.

I don’t think Justice is blind she just can’t bear to look

They want both girls to give a statement - not sure whether they’re doing it at home or whether we need to go and do it at the police station

I hope your DD and the other young woman are brave and make their statements.

This boy sounds either quite disturbed, or a nasty sexist pig. If it's the latter, then here's an example of a young man who's developing into an abuser. I'm surprised his parents haven't whisked him off to get treatment, to sort out his view of women.

@Sacreblue

Ffs, 1 male perpetrators word is equal to how many female victims now?

The next time any of us are assaulted we should know how many extra victims it takes before the scales of justice line up.

I don’t think Justice is blind she just can’t bear to look

I know. "We can't take a woman's word against a man's word".

WTF??

Oh, and the female victim has to speak out/report at the time. So when being assaulted/raped/abused. Doesn't count, otherwise.

So many cases of this.

I am so sorry for your DD (and you). I recently watched a talk by the Alice Ruggles trust and would recommend their resources for help with stalking. Best wishes.
www.alicerugglestrust.org/support

Ugh this kid is such a grub! And his PARENTS!!!!

Ffs, 1 male perpetrators word is equal to how many female victims now?

He didn’t deny it as far as I know. The first police officer said he knew why they were there before they even said anything.

DD says he used to constantly complain that he had never had a girlfriend and it wasn’t fair, he was a “nice guy” and was fed up. Perhaps if he didn’t behave like a creepy stalker, he’d have more luck.

DD is definitely going to give hers, but she says the other girl is quite nervous about it. It did take a while for DD to feel ready to speak out - lots of emotional blackmail and manipulation involved - he’d send videos of himself crying through Snapchat (so they disappeared after a few seconds) if DD didn’t answer her phone. 🤞she feels able to.

Ugh this kid is such a grub! And his PARENTS!!!!

I know!! If it had been one of my kids, they wouldn’t have been allowed online unsupervised after we’d had a visit like that from the police. He was able to continue his behaviour with a different victim.

He’s a textbook incel

@wingsnthat

He’s a textbook incel

That!!

Yes!!

I couldn’t remember for the life of me the term for it, but yes! He is definitely a textbook incel.

He was part of her friendship group for a while before all this started and was good mates with DD’s boyfriend. I met him quite often - he came to watch DD do a show jumping competition on her pony last summer and he actually seemed a nice enough lad.

DD says he was just relentless so it ended up being easier to answer the phone/message/walk to school with him/etc than argue.

How much is him and how much is parental influence? I hope the police take the parent’s computers too (esp. Dad’s as I bet he’s as incel as you can get!)

My cousin is quite a bit younger than me and she had a similar ordeal with a nasty stalker. Even though he was a few years older, the police were very dismissive, so sadly, it really depends on which police force and down to even individual police officers. In fact, the police’s response was scarily misogynistic and disrespectful, implying that my cousin at not quite 15 should be flattered about inappropriate attention from a 18-19 year old. In the end, my uncle and his friendship circle, both women and men, decided to take matters into their own hands. Without resorting to violence! They all bought the same daft mask and cloak and just had a constant rota of them following him everywhere and waiting outside his house etc. They made sure that only he could see them, which made him look quite mad when he told others and no one was there. Turns out that this cocky weasel was actually quite a coward because despite subjecting my poor cousin to his harassment for months, he cracked after just a few days.

@AnotherKrampus oh I love that! Truly justice services

Served *