TW: would I be unreasonable to report my dad after finding potential child/non consentual porn

[Throwawayadvice]

I (21f) have broken my phone, I'm visiting my parents for a few days due to my health. My dad (58m) has 3 phones, I always found it weird he said he used them for gaming. Mine broke and I asked if I could borrow one until I get a new one and put my sim in it. He did relutantly, I opened Google and there were loads of open tabs including quite a lot of porn. The searches include puberty, youngest girl, spoilt vigrins, punching, incest and non consentual ect. I am disgusted, background I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager by a friends brother, my whole family know this as it went to court. I dont have a brilliant realtionship with my father anyway, he used to hit me as a child and I would have to try and placate him to stop him targeting my brother too, I went to therapy for this as I had to almost act as an adult while my mom was at work. WIBU if I report what I found? I'm tempted to talk to my mom but she's been through a lot lately.

@EmeraldShamrock me too, it’s this low key ‘legitimising’ that’s part of the problem. I have heard Police Officers say it too 😐

Well although porn is some peoples go to, if all parties are adults then fine. But if he has images of kids etc and underage stuff then yes it needs reporting. How else will this gross abuse of kids stop... and I am wondering if he has this stuff on his phones, what does he have on his laptop etc

Hope you’re OK, OP. What a horrible shock. I’d report it too - those are disturbing things to be searching for. Puberty in particular is not likely to be legal.

@Meme69 watching it and downloading it are different- possession can include physical copies too. No need to get snarky- this is hardly the place or time.

This article really opened my eyes to those "mainstream" sites like p**nhub.

Absolutely disgusting.

www.nytimes.com/2020/12/04/opinion/sunday/pornhub-rape-trafficking.html

[quote BetterThanKleenex]@Meme69 watching it and downloading it are different- possession can include physical copies too. No need to get snarky- this is hardly the place or time.[/quote]
I have no interest in arguing with you whether you can watch child pornography... How about you go do it and report it to the police and find out?

It would be really appreciated if people could stop using the phrase 'child pornography'. Instead, use the term 'child sexual abuse images'. That's what they are. Language is so important in these discussions. Just like people saying 'underage girls' instead of the accurate and factual word: 'children'.

@youvegottenminuteslynn it’s has been mentioned several times but it’s just not sinking in.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

It would be really appreciated if people could stop using the phrase 'child pornography'. Instead, use the term 'child sexual abuse images'. That's what they are. Language is so important in these discussions. Just like people saying 'underage girls' instead of the accurate and factual word: 'children'.

Absolutely. It’s child abuse. And it’s children.

If he has uploaded or downloaded illegal content, his service provider automatically notify the police/NCA and he will be visited early in the morning.
This stuff is monitored.

Sadly you can search for these terms and even having them as open webpages is a bit of a trick as the images are not downloaded onto the device.

Many of the images and videos that are illegal are shared via P2P transfer sites.

You had better be sure that some of the females actually are under 18, because this is going to cause huge huge trouble in your family from which there is no coming back.If it turns out there are not underage girls involved and its all legal porn, you will be seen as the bad guy!

You had better be sure that some of the females actually are under 18, because this is going to cause huge huge trouble in your family from which there is no coming back.If it turns out there are not underage girls involved and its all legal porn, you will be seen as the bad guy!

You dont seriously think there is any coming back from discovering your <span class="italic">father</span> likes to watch incestuous, non consensual abuse of underage girls, regardless of whether they are actually of legal act and "acting"? As for OP being the bad guy, Christ on a fucking bike, just when you think youve heard it all .

That is absolutely revolting OP, what an awful thing for you to discover . You were absolutely right to report. This is the sort of thing I would have to stop contact with my father over if I discovered, I would never be able to look at him in the same way again, and it would be a cold day in Hell before I would let him near my DC.
Not suggesting you do the same but there are not words to describe how disgusting this is.

You don`t seriously think there is any coming back from discovering your father likes to watch incestuous, non consensual abuse of underage girls
No, not if he has been looking at girls who are underage. That is 100% wrongand no excuses. If they are 18+ dressed and made up to look like children, it is not illegal. It is sick definitely, but not illegal. Police will not take action but your family will be torn apart.

@a8mint

I don't think being seen as the 'bad guy' is something OP should worry about as even if he has been looking at porn rather than child sex abuse images, he's still been seeking out material depicting underage people having sex aka children being sexually assaulted or raped, non consensual sex aka rape, punching during sex aka the women being assaulted...

all of which means he gets sexually aroused by the idea of children being sexually abused, rape, incest, women being assaulted etc Vile.

OP wouldn't be 'tearing the family apart', she would be living by her own boundaries - that she doesn't want to continue seeing a family member who is sexually aroused by those things. I think most people would understand that.

@a8mint

You had better be sure that some of the females actually are under 18, because this is going to cause huge huge trouble in your family from which there is no coming back.If it turns out there are not underage girls involved and its all legal porn, you will be seen as the bad guy!

Wow. Do you think this would be uppermost in your mind if you had found such material on your dad’s phone??

And as a PP wrote up thread: please stop saying “underage girls”. They’re children.

I work in this field. You could call the Stop it Now helpline - Look them up online - and the Lucy Faithful Foundation - they exist for people who are concerned that someone they know (or themselves) are AT RISK of watching ILLEGAL material ie. under 18s being abused online (if they are sexual images of under 18s they are illegal)

Sadly many of these terms are extremely common on mainstream porn - I wish parents of teens were more aware of this

However - 'puberty' - would concern me, this is a man who is being drawn towards ever more dangerous risky and potentially illegal imagery

Anyone who knows someone watching this material - call Stop it Now

www.stopitnow.org.uk/helpline/

The 'escalating pathway' - is common. Men watch 'young teens' (legal) - they are drawn into further and more disturbing material - your father is watching porn that legitimises fantasies about children - that is the reality even if it is being acted by adults.

Hopefully what he was watching was just on the side of legal and you can all move past this. Such a horrendous position he’s put you in

@Kkj3

He's still been actively searching for porn depicting rape, punching women and children (he searched 'puberty').

Whether or not the results of those searches was porn or child sexual abuse images, the fact remains he is aroused by the idea of rape, child abuse and violence against women. Why would you want to be in touch with someone aroused by those things?

@youvegottenminuteslynn I don’t want to be around that kind of person. When I said all I meant op and her mum. Although people have forgiven their family for a lot worse and if op were the type to forgive like that no amount of people telling her on mumsnet to cut ties is going to change it

[quote Kkj3]@youvegottenminuteslynn I don’t want to be around that kind of person. When I said all I meant op and her mum. Although people have forgiven their family for a lot worse and if op were the type to forgive like that no amount of people telling her on mumsnet to cut ties is going to change it[/quote]
I don't think forgiving is possible as he hasn't made a one off mistake or a lapse of poor judgment, OP now knows he is pathologically aroused by rape, violence and abuse of children going through puberty.

I appreciate what you're saying - that some families do brush these things under the carpet and try to move on. But it doesn't change the fact the person is aroused by those things.

I could look at him let alone have my children or other young members of the family near him.

Op can't you talk to your mum about this? If it was my husband I'd want to know

@youvegottenminuteslynn I understand what you’re saying. It’s sickening, however unless he’s looked at anything illegal ops mum may well side with her dad. So it could end with if she wants a relationship with mum she has to see him. I don’t agree with porn when it’s consensual adults and if I were op I wouldn’t go anywhere near him again and cut mum off too if that were the scenario.

[quote Kkj3]@youvegottenminuteslynn I don’t want to be around that kind of person. When I said all I meant op and her mum. Although people have forgiven their family for a lot worse and if op were the type to forgive like that no amount of people telling her on mumsnet to cut ties is going to change it[/quote]
“People have forgiven their family for a lot worse” - I can’t actually think of much worse. Viewing such images - I’m not interested in what is and what isn’t considered legal - means you are an active participant in actions that potentially cause harm to women and children. Punching them -WTF?? This man is sexually aroused by this??

He would never see me or my children ever again.