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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

TW: would I be unreasonable to report my dad after finding potential child/non consentual porn

107 replies

Throwawayadvice · 10/05/2021 16:56

I (21f) have broken my phone, I'm visiting my parents for a few days due to my health. My dad (58m) has 3 phones, I always found it weird he said he used them for gaming. Mine broke and I asked if I could borrow one until I get a new one and put my sim in it. He did relutantly, I opened Google and there were loads of open tabs including quite a lot of porn. The searches include puberty, youngest girl, spoilt vigrins, punching, incest and non consentual ect. I am disgusted, background I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager by a friends brother, my whole family know this as it went to court. I dont have a brilliant realtionship with my father anyway, he used to hit me as a child and I would have to try and placate him to stop him targeting my brother too, I went to therapy for this as I had to almost act as an adult while my mom was at work. WIBU if I report what I found? I'm tempted to talk to my mom but she's been through a lot lately.

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 10/05/2021 17:05

If this is real then report him to the police.

NiceGerbil · 10/05/2021 17:09

Report him for what though?

These are mainstream porn terms.

Unless he's managed to get hold of actual images of illegal things then I don't see what you have to report him for.

SmokedDuck · 10/05/2021 17:09

I think I would. I guess the worst case scenario would be that it wasn't quite what you thought, but you will likely not have an ongoing relationship with him. I guess you could see what else you might find out, but I wouldn't take any risks to do so.

AmyLou100 · 10/05/2021 17:17

So he lent you his phone without even deleting any of those sites? Handed it over with Google searches not easily cleared?

TheVolturi · 10/05/2021 17:18

@NiceGerbil

Report him for what though?

These are mainstream porn terms.

Unless he's managed to get hold of actual images of illegal things then I don't see what you have to report him for.

Puberty is mainstream? 😱
Nanny0gg · 10/05/2021 17:19

@NiceGerbil

Report him for what though?

These are mainstream porn terms.

Unless he's managed to get hold of actual images of illegal things then I don't see what you have to report him for.

How are they mainstream?
Fuckitfuckit · 10/05/2021 17:23

I hope to god that is not mainstream or I really worry for humanity.
I'd report straight away.
I'd report, go back to your parents, get your stuff out. Don't mention a word to anyone because you don't want to give him the opportunity to delete or get rid of anything before the police search their house.

I'm sorry for the position you're in.

iklboo · 10/05/2021 17:23

Punching, incest, non-consensual are mainstream?! Where?

NiceGerbil · 10/05/2021 17:25

Terms about that sort of thing are common. Incest is one of the most popular search terms, for eg.

Googling these terms isn't illegal and if you're going to mainstream sites then the assumption (which is only an assumption) is that the stuff is acted using very young looking women.

Of course everyone knows that's rubbish but the people who use it like to pretend it's all fine.

I don't know how easy it is to find actual images of child sexual abuse or other legal content. If that's what he's got then yes he can and should be reported.

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 10/05/2021 17:25

Please do not use the words "child porn". There is no such thing. It is child abuse images.

Your dad sounds as though he is trying to find child abuse images but doesnt know that google wont have that. If he knew how to work the dark web, then he'd probably have them.

If he is just searching for virgin porn or whatever else themed porn which is technically legal, then the police cant do much (even though they totally should be able to because it shouldnt be legal).

Fuckitfuckit · 10/05/2021 17:26

Infact, if you see your dad when you go back, try and act like everything is OK. Don't give him any reason to worry you've seen what he's been up to. If he thinks you've got any reason to be upset he may suss out what's going on and start smashing up devices.

NiceGerbil · 10/05/2021 17:27

I think p**rnhub stopped allowing content that depicted (or was) rape a few years back and got a load of positivity around how ethical they were. FFs what a low bar. I can't imagine all the sites out there have done that though.

NiceGerbil · 10/05/2021 17:28

Illegal it should have said in my earlier post obviously.

NiceGerbil · 10/05/2021 17:29

People can get nicked for dodgy search terms around terrorism. Why don't they do that for searching illegal content of other types.

HectorHalloumi · 10/05/2021 17:33

Your Dad has 3 phones but gave you the one with all that on?

Throwawayadvice · 10/05/2021 17:34

Thank you for your comments, I am going to make an online report to the police as I really don't feel right doing nothing. The links/videos are all from one site it's not something like pornhub I am not going to look at it or search it. I feel really anxious about this, and this has triggered quite a lot of past trauma. I'm also feel sick about staying at the house, especially given some of the names of the links.

OP posts:
Throwawayadvice · 10/05/2021 17:37

@hectorHalloumi He uses one as his phone and then has two without sim cards. He gave me this one, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't realise how search history works or if the other has more stuff on.

OP posts:
BetterThanKleenex · 10/05/2021 17:40

As others have said, these terms are sadly mainstream and commonly used. It's unlikely the police would be able to do anything or would be interested as he hasn't downloaded/created/posted the 'porn' himself. Even if it depicts child abuse, watching it/searching for it won't get him in trouble.

However, his 3 phones is concerning as he could use one or two as burner phones to post/share/download this content. But unless you can find that out for yourself and have solid evidence, the police are unlikely to get involved.

Nonmaquillee · 10/05/2021 17:42

I'd definitely report that to the police.
I'm sorry for you. How sickening. I wouldn't be able to keep my father in my life if I discovered this.

And I agree - the real term is child abuse. Your father has been searching for images of children being abused.

toocold54 · 10/05/2021 17:43

Report him for what though?

These are mainstream porn terms.

Unless he's managed to get hold of actual images of illegal things then I don't see what you have to report him for.

WTF no they’re not!
Some porn sites having dodgy titles but nothing like OP has mentioned.

The best thing would be for them to have your phone and search things that have been deleted but if you’re not ready for that then reporting online gets him on their radar at least.

Countrycode · 10/05/2021 17:43

I wouldn't hesitate. Vile vile man. If there's more to be found the police will find it.

Anyone potentially adding to the plight of abused children should be reported.

Crocidura · 10/05/2021 17:45

Please do not use the words "child porn". There is no such thing. It is child abuse images.

Forgive me if I've missed it but no one has used the words "child porn".

Crocidura · 10/05/2021 17:45

Ah I see it in the title, ignore me!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 10/05/2021 17:47

@NiceGerbil

Report him for what though?

These are mainstream porn terms.

Unless he's managed to get hold of actual images of illegal things then I don't see what you have to report him for.

This.

Sadly porn sites are very much on a knjfe's edge with the terminology by hey user - for example, "teen" is popular but apparently means the actresses age 18/19 yo's who look much younger, meaning it's dodgy AF but still legal.

Unless you've found images the police won't be interested.

Totally grim he didn't delete his a history before giving you the phone

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 10/05/2021 17:48

@iklboo

Punching, incest, non-consensual are mainstream?! Where?
Everywhere.

Incest is actors/actresses pretending the other actor or actress is their step sister/mother/brother.

Like I say the terminology is shocking but just this side of legal

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