Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s ok to snoop?

139 replies

Changingtheday · 09/05/2021 15:01

I read DH’s phone last night. I know that is a huge no-no on here (and I’ve name changed in anticipation of the flaming), but other than some tasteless conversations with his friends which were teetering on misogyny, I am so reassured by by what I saw. I don’t regret looking and he doesn’t know, so win-win Blush AIBU?

OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 09/05/2021 15:18

Horrible controlling behaviour with a side of post snooping stuff justification and that actually it was for his benefit

Mayorquimby2 · 09/05/2021 15:18

Self justification

Original poster
Changingtheday · 09/05/2021 15:19

I’m not ashamed at all. Some of the things that I read absolutely melted my heart - he says lovely things about me to his friends, who by the way, absolutely do not say nice things about their DWs.

OP posts:
LemonPeonies · 09/05/2021 15:21

I've been in several long term relationships in my time and all have been different. Never felt the need to look through their phones! I do think this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour, whether it's "jokes" or other controlling behaviours. There is something wrong with people who feel the need to do this.

Bul21ia · 09/05/2021 15:21

I would snoop.... if I felt something was a bit off.

I would purely be looking for a woman or anything that linked to a woman.

I would not just go and read messages from friends just to invade his personal privacy!

Original poster
Changingtheday · 09/05/2021 15:22

I’m going to stop replying now, I absolutely need to remember how self-disciplined, ethical and perfect other M’netters are Halo

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/05/2021 15:22

@Changingtheday

I’m not ashamed at all. Some of the things that I read absolutely melted my heart - he says lovely things about me to his friends, who by the way, absolutely do not say nice things about their DWs.
So you're going to share your heart melting response with him and tell him you looked and you're not ashamed?
FrangipaniBlue · 09/05/2021 15:23

Nope, wouldn't look and DH has gone out to work and left his phone at home (where I am) all day.

Why would I care what he talks about with his friends?

The only time I would ever even consider it would be if I had genuine reason to think that he was cheating on me. Then I might.

Original poster
Changingtheday · 09/05/2021 15:24

ilovesooty last post, but, I’m definitely not going to tell him. What would be the benefit of that!

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 09/05/2021 15:24

I'd have a snoop if I felt the need.

ilovesooty · 09/05/2021 15:24

@Changingtheday

I’m going to stop replying now, I absolutely need to remember how self-disciplined, ethical and perfect other M’netters are Halo
And go back to your normal username with no links to your behaviour. How unsurprising.
FrangipaniBlue · 09/05/2021 15:24

@Changingtheday

ilovesooty last post, but, I’m definitely not going to tell him. What would be the benefit of that!
But you've got nothing to be ashamed of?
UserAtRandom · 09/05/2021 15:25

Would you be happy for him to go through your phone?

ilovesooty · 09/05/2021 15:26

@Changingtheday

ilovesooty last post, but, I’m definitely not going to tell him. What would be the benefit of that!
Well he'd know that he couldn't trust you to respect his privacy.

That knowledge might be beneficial to him.

AIMD · 09/05/2021 15:26

@Changingtheday

I’m going to stop replying now, I absolutely need to remember how self-disciplined, ethical and perfect other M’netters are Halo
I mean I think the fact you’re not seeing the wrong it is is the issue. If you did it but recognises it was unfair I think people would be a lot more understanding.
Trixie78 · 09/05/2021 15:27

@Changingtheday

I really did. I cannot believe I’m the only one that would look. Other people obviously have more self-control than me.
You're not on your own hon, many would have done the same. I used to occasionally look through DHs phone on but haven't done it for years tbh, they were really boring conversations 🤣🤣
SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/05/2021 15:27

Tbf to op it's hard to see wrong in an imaginary situation😂

toocold54 · 09/05/2021 15:28

Most men aren’t stupid enough to leave evidence on their phone or they have a second secret phone so I never understand the need to snoop and it’s obviously a complete lack of trust and respect for your partner.

What made you think he was cheating in the first place?

shivawn · 09/05/2021 15:29

I don’t regret looking and he doesn’t know, so win-win Blush

I wouldn't call being in a relationship without trust a win but okay.

Windy1234 · 09/05/2021 15:29

Me and my husband do this all the time, usually just to get some gossip 🤣🤣 we are both fine with it and aware though

LadyLolaRuben · 09/05/2021 15:30

I think its fine. I was advised by a long time married elderly couple that its OK to seek assurance. If the snooping confirms he's faithful then thats great. If to shows he's being disloyal etc, its a good job you checked. Nothing to hide nothing to worry about is the approach I take

Iwanttobeanonymous · 09/05/2021 15:33

Its not OK but if you can get away with it unnoticed.....

imsanehonest · 09/05/2021 15:33

I looked through my exH's phone as was suspicious- reams and reams of flirtatious texts to multiple different women, extremely sexual texts to some who were married (and they reciprocated) and he had them and their husbands on his FB friends list.

But I haven't snooped in other relationships because, despite my history, I trusted them and the thought never even entered my head.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/05/2021 15:33

The fact that you are dismissing people who wouldn't do it as oh so perfect speaks volumes for who you are. Nobody is perfect, nobody claims to be. If you suspected cheating then plenty of posters would be actively encouraging you.

The reality is you are nosey, disrespectful and have overstepped boundaries. You bloody well know this otherwise you would be saying thank you OH for all the nice things you have said about me to your mates. At least own your faults rather than trying to justify them or put down people that don't share them,

agreatmistake · 09/05/2021 15:34

The thing is, it's not just his privacy you've invaded, it's that of his friends. They also didn't consent to you reading their private messages.

Swipe left for the next trending thread