If you don't have or want children, why are you here?

[pepsicolagirl]

Disclaimer: I do not mean this in a rude way. I just couldn't think of a better way to phrase it.

I have seen a few messages across the mumsnet forums from women who are happily child free which is great and of course there is nothing wrong with at all.

But it always makes me wonder why you would be a member of a website called mumsnet if you are not and have no wish to be a mum?
So, if this is you, do you mind me asking why?

Telly addicts brought me here before I was a mum. Enjoyed chatting about tv shows I was watching...

What is it to do with you exactly?

I don't owe a complete nobody on the internet any explanation whatsoever about my personal choices on anything.

I don't think it's coming across as rude! You are asking a genuine question!
I came across it when my first was about to be born and then stopped as it got a bit ratty (back in 2012/2013) and then I sought help with another topic and so on so on ..it has a broad range of non 'parent' subjects so be it!

@IHateThickBastards OP isn’t demanding an answer. You’re fully entitled to just not reply.

Well, if you Google, for example, 'how do I get biro off a cream leather sofa', you wouldn't end up on a football site, would you, but it's a good bet you'd find a MN thread? You then get curious about other threads within the housekeeping topic and it goes from there. That's very similar to how I, and presumably others, find MN

I just typed that exact thing into google and mumsnet did indeed crop up on page one.

@TeddingtonTrashbag

This has always puzzled me too.

This is an odd thing to type after there have been multiple posts, explaining why.

Well I do have dc, stumbled across mn when pg with dc3 which means I’ve been here for 10 years there have been years where I’ve barely looked at MN and others where it’s been my favourite thing to read.
I don’t think in any of my 10 years that I’ve ever looked at the parenting/child rearing topics.
There is so much other stuff on here, loads of general conversation going on. I scroll down the chat threads and feel it’s a bit like being in a pub garden with lots of different conversations going on and then I wander off to the one I want to hear more of based on the title.
I agree that the name Mumsnet is a bit misleading really, it’s a place for anyone to ask advice, share wisdom, have a laugh and generally unwind. There’s always someone to talk to at 3am!

I googled something unrelated to parenting or children. I clicked on active conversations because when you’re randomly killing time on the internet, that tends to happen. Have you never found yourself in the weird sections of YouTube or Wikipedia after following some links?

I read some threads that interested me. Lurked for a bit. Decided to create a username when another goady poster decided to start a thread in feminism that they didn’t see how the patriarchy still affected women, especially in the workplace. I didn’t realise it could only be mothers who recognise the patriarchy.

Since then, I have enjoyed reading a wide variety of threads. I read threads from parents who have SEN children so I can better emphasise with my friend who has a SEN child. I read threads about politics and current affairs, I enjoy seeing the wide range of opinions from posters. This space has opened my eyes to the many different ways people approach things and the different hardships people face. It has given me an insight into many different areas that I didn’t even know about before coming here. It provides intelligent and insightful debate. I enjoy the fact that it doesn’t hide behind women having to be pleasant. I enjoy the support it offers to a number of people who are suffering with hard times at the moment. There are support threads for almost any situation, if you need it. Support that isn’t just related to those issues surrounding parenting. I haven’t felt the need to seek support here yet (thankfully) but if I do, I know this community can provide that and there is probably an established thread that will welcome me warmly.

I came for the feminism, and found Mumsnet is my best source of feminist news and debate. Stayed for the endlessly encouraging activism, plus jokes, practical tips, camaraderie and chat.

I can see now that anyone can be on here but I didn't sign up till I had my baby!

I joined twitter even though I don't tweet like a bird, nor do I have a book of my face.
This same thread comes up at least once per week, yawn.

Lots of posts saying the threads aren't about pregnancy and children so it's a free for all. But that gives the impression that that's all mums would desire to talk about. Just because there are various topics doesn't mean that the site wasn't intended for parents as the tagline states. I'm guessing the site started because parents wanted parents' views about a wide range of topics. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that anybody can post here but to outsiders and new people it seems weird. I avoided mumsnet until I knew I wanted children because I didn't want to take space away from parents. I did look around, especially if it came up on a Google search. But, I never thought to post here. Admittedly I never looked at the rules about who can post here - I just assumed from the title that this is a place for mums and I should respect that. If I was a step mum, godparent, guardian I'd have thought this was probably also okay. Being childfree would not make me feel comfortable to post here, especially not on parenting topics.

I don't understand the logic of, other things are discussed besides being a mum so it doesn't matter who uses the site. By that logic sites would be full of people that have nothing to do with the title. Are mums not allowed to discuss things outside of parenthood amongst themselves? Do they have to invite everyone to contribute to their discussion just because it's not about their children? If lesbians talk about their pets and hobbies can we all join lesbian groups, if runners discuss travel and diet can we all join runners groups? Obviously mumsnet is a company that wants to make a profit, they're not going to turn people away that bring them growth and money. So they will never say yes this should be a place for just mums. And they couldn't police that anyway while granting anonymity.

I find the anger towards mums asking this question strange. If you're childfree on a site called mumsnet I think it's fair that people will wonder why you're there. Just like if I announce in a running group how much I hate running and never intend to run I'd be expecting people to say 'why did you join runners-r-us?' I could then say 'you have great recipes and I like the photos you post, I also collect trainers' or I could say 'jeez it's a free world, I can be wherever I want, the rules say I can be here, stop asking, the world doesn't revolve around running you know'

I am only here for the absolute bat-shittery that is AIBU.

@WrongWayApricot

Lots of posts saying the threads aren't about pregnancy and children so it's a free for all. But that gives the impression that that's all mums would desire to talk about. Just because there are various topics doesn't mean that the site wasn't intended for parents as the tagline states. I'm guessing the site started because parents wanted parents' views about a wide range of topics. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that anybody can post here but to outsiders and new people it seems weird. I avoided mumsnet until I knew I wanted children because I didn't want to take space away from parents. I did look around, especially if it came up on a Google search. But, I never thought to post here. Admittedly I never looked at the rules about who can post here - I just assumed from the title that this is a place for mums and I should respect that. If I was a step mum, godparent, guardian I'd have thought this was probably also okay. Being childfree would not make me feel comfortable to post here, especially not on parenting topics.

I don't understand the logic of, other things are discussed besides being a mum so it doesn't matter who uses the site. By that logic sites would be full of people that have nothing to do with the title. Are mums not allowed to discuss things outside of parenthood amongst themselves? Do they have to invite everyone to contribute to their discussion just because it's not about their children? If lesbians talk about their pets and hobbies can we all join lesbian groups, if runners discuss travel and diet can we all join runners groups? Obviously mumsnet is a company that wants to make a profit, they're not going to turn people away that bring them growth and money. So they will never say yes this should be a place for just mums. And they couldn't police that anyway while granting anonymity.

I find the anger towards mums asking this question strange. If you're childfree on a site called mumsnet I think it's fair that people will wonder why you're there. Just like if I announce in a running group how much I hate running and never intend to run I'd be expecting people to say 'why did you join runners-r-us?' I could then say 'you have great recipes and I like the photos you post, I also collect trainers' or I could say 'jeez it's a free world, I can be wherever I want, the rules say I can be here, stop asking, the world doesn't revolve around running you know'

This is an incredibly weird post. The ‘anger’ you’re referring to is an entirely understandable general frustration with the fact that this topic comes up around once a week, the person who posts it does so with an air of great profundity, but has never bothered to do the most basic check as to whether anyone else might have posed the question before them.

I ended up here because someone on another forum linked a funny thread on mumsnet. And when I discovered that over 50% of threads on here are nothing to do with parenting I was delighted and I stayed.

I'm guessing the site started because parents wanted parents' views about a wide range of topics

Name me one topic other than parenting where the fact someone is a parent fucking matters at all.

Are mums not allowed to discuss things outside of parenthood amongst themselves?

Why do mum's need a space to discuss this amongst themselves that aren't about being a Mum? What is it about being a Mother that you think brings anymore to a discussion about health and beauty or pets or cycling or theatre or any other topic, than someone without children?

Utter nonsense. I am quite happy as a mother to discuss and debate and have conversations and laugh with, anyone whether or not they are a parent.

I'm here because I am a man in his 50s no kids(sadly) who is thrown by some aspects of modern parenting....ie running kids lives even down to the names of their children, so sleeping, partnership finances...I have entrenched idea but realise I could be wrong and like to check

@MarkUp

I'm guessing the site started because parents wanted parents' views about a wide range of topics

Name me one topic other than parenting where the fact someone is a parent fucking matters at all.

Are mums not allowed to discuss things outside of parenthood amongst themselves?

Why do mum's need a space to discuss this amongst themselves that aren't about being a Mum? What is it about being a Mother that you think brings anymore to a discussion about health and beauty or pets or cycling or theatre or any other topic, than someone without children?

Utter nonsense. I am quite happy as a mother to discuss and debate and have conversations and laugh with, anyone whether or not they are a parent.

It might not matter at all if someone is a parent or not. But, if someone feels it does matter to them they should be allowed to have that discussion exclusively with other parents.

Why do they have to need it? If they want it why can't people let them have it? It doesn't bother me in the slightest that people form groups that aren't intended for me but might still discuss things that interest me.

I am also a mother that is happy to discuss things with people that aren't parents, I enjoy the mix here. I just think people should be allowed to question it and form exclusive groups if they wish and it's none of my business why they need or want to. If I'm not part of that group I wouldn't insist I be allowed in because they talk about other things too.

MindtheBelleek so don't ignore it and read something else or politely answer the question. Just have a go at the OP. Idk why my post is weird to you, because I don't understand why someone would click onto a thread just to get really angry? The title is clear, the only reason the angry people have to post here is to be angry. If these threads happen so often and the OP never has researched it why keep opening them? Having a go won't stop the next one. All these people manage to dodge parenting threads but apparently can't pull themselves away from something that they know makes them vitriolic towards the OP. That's weird to me.

FGS not this again. Because while many of the boards are about parenting issues, mums also have topics of conversation, hobbies and interests that don’t revolve around their kids and which other women without kids can talk about too? If we all just spoke about nappies, teething, 11 plus and the like it would be pretty bloody boring,

@WrongWayApricot

MindtheBelleek so don't ignore it and read something else or politely answer the question. Just have a go at the OP. Idk why my post is weird to you, because I don't understand why someone would click onto a thread just to get really angry? The title is clear, the only reason the angry people have to post here is to be angry. If these threads happen so often and the OP never has researched it why keep opening them? Having a go won't stop the next one. All these people manage to dodge parenting threads but apparently can't pull themselves away from something that they know makes them vitriolic towards the OP. That's weird to me.

No, what was weird about your post was the whole comparing parents to lesbians (who can also be parents) and running clubs (also populated by parents) thing, and a deeply-seated idea there’s set of ‘rules’ about who can post. On an anonymous forum on the internet. Where, as you do at least acknowledge, there’s absolutely no way of determining who anyone is.

Basically, you’ve invented your own set of rules about online clubs, and are berating other people for not sharing them.

We could do with a specific board for "Why are there women who aren't mums and/or men on MN" - but you just know that none of the people who keep asking it would ever use it.

Maybe, when somebody registers, there could be a pop-up that they're forced to tick that they've read and understand that it's a public forum, allowing all users who abide by the rules, so they can either accept this or otherwise go and set up their own website called 'Mumsniet' and fiercely promote it to all non-mums - well, the Russian-speaking ones at least.

I initially came here looking for some advice about some children of a family member and how best to support them and their struggling mum. Like someone else, I then got addicted to AIBU (though it embarrassingly took me a while to work out what 'YABU' and 'YANBU' meant). I tend to avoid most of the parenting boards but occasionally have a read as I am planning a pregnancy in the (hopefully) not too distant future.

Also, to flip it another way, how would people feel if a new site were set up, covering the entire gamut of human experience (with a corresponding small but equally-important part dedicated to parenting) - like Mumsnet as we know it - but named 'NotForMumsNet', and where it was made clear that anybody who wasn't a mother was welcome but, although they couldn't technically be stopped from joining, any actual mums signing up would be constantly challenged to justify why they should/would/could have opinions about anything that doesn't directly involve being a mother?

though it embarrassingly took me a while to work out what 'YABU' and 'YANBU' meant

That's because you don't (yet) have mother's intuition, you see - otherwise it would have been instantly obvious