Page 10 | If you don't have or want children, why are you here?

pepsicolagirl · 2021-05-09T12:40:38+00:00

Disclaimer: I do not mean this in a rude way. I just couldn't think of a better way to phrase it. I have seen a few messages across the mumsnet forums from women who are happily child free which is great and of course there is nothing wrong with at all. But it always makes me wonder why you would be a member of a website called mumsnet if you are not and have no wish to be a mum? So, if this is you, do you mind me asking why?

Marty13 · 10/05/2021 03:31

I'm hanging around because as a non-Brit I find this place is a fascinating lense through which to observe British culture. Despite years of careful observation I must say I'm still baffled by some of the idiosyncrasies typical of the populus (womansis) britannicus. For instance, why do you "eat tea" ? Surely you eat dinner and drink your tea ? Who in their right mind put children to bed as early as (sometimes reported here) 5pm ? Why in the great heavens would having the same initial in one family matter at all ? Why do the same ten names keep cropping up in all baby names posts ? Is beans on toast actually a thing ? Surely you'd just put the beans on a plate and butter your toast instead ?
I guess Shakespeare saw the future when he wrote "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
I am condemned to keep reading until I can find the answer to all these profound mysteries. Somehow I get the feeling I may be around a while...
(Though I do avoid some boards that I find to be quite hateful and intolerant, but that's another thread entirely...)

MrsTroutfire · 10/05/2021 03:56

For instance, why do you "eat tea" ? Surely you eat dinner and drink your tea ?

Tea is another word for your evening meal, quite separate from the drink.

Is beans on toast actually a thing ? Surely you'd just put the beans on a plate and butter your toast instead ?

I butter the toast and then pour on the beans from the receptacle in which they were heated.

Marty13 · 10/05/2021 04:19

Thanks yeah I realized that tea means the evening meal (my post was a bit light hearted if you couldn't tell) but it still stands out as weird everytime I see it.

As for the beans on toast... Doesn't that make the toast really soggy with the sauce ? I mean literally anything else sounds like a better option. An egg, a sausage, bacon, jam, just plain butter... The combination of bean on toast is just bizarre (almost as bizarre as peanut butter and banana).

MrsTroutfire · 10/05/2021 04:32

You have to eat the toast before it gets really soggy, much like with cereal.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/05/2021 05:19

Here for the Craic.
Disclaimer I do have DC but prefer threads discussing other important things

Faultymain5 · 10/05/2021 06:43

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Also, to flip it another way, how would people feel if a new site were set up, covering the entire gamut of human experience (with a corresponding small but equally-important part dedicated to parenting) - like Mumsnet as we know it - but named 'NotForMumsNet', and where it was made clear that anybody who wasn't a mother was welcome but, although they couldn't technically be stopped from joining, any actual mums signing up would be constantly challenged to justify why they should/would/could have opinions about anything that doesn't directly involve being a mother?

How would they know everyone was welcome? If it’s not clear from the name or tag line?

This is why it’s fair to ask, even if the OP is not the greatest with phrasing.

Faultymain5 · 10/05/2021 06:51

@KatherineJaneway

Yes because I don’t look at every single thread and this has never come up in active for me before. Just another reason why this is legit question. I’d hate to think I can’t ask a question in case it’s been asked before or must I check in the (crappy) search function before I do so. This could have and in some parts has been an interesting question as some bothered to actually answer it.

Oh dear 🙄 This topic comes up frequently on MN. Any regular user knows this. It isn't a one off question but an often discussed topic. A basic search reveals this also.

So you are in fact saying before anyone posts they should use the (and I repeat crappy) search function (basic or otherwise it’s crap). Is this for all questions? Or just the ones you “instinctively” know someone must have asked before?

Surely it’s easier for someone who has seen this posted numerous times before to simply, er I don’t know, “scroll on by”? Replying is an option not mandatory.

unwuthering · 10/05/2021 06:56

It is my view that, if one genuinely wanted to know, it would be possible to craft a thread title and an opening post with a tonality of friendly curiosity, with an air of 'So, tell me!' Instead, there is a disclaimer needed: 'I do not mean this in a rude way.' It is the tonal equivalent of saying, 'No offence - but what's wrong with you?? Why are you posting on a mothers/parents forum?'

RevolvingPivot · 10/05/2021 07:03

@Marty13 Depends where you are from. I eat tea and I also drink tea!! 😄

Faultymain5 · 10/05/2021 07:05

@unwuthering

It is my view that, if one genuinely wanted to know, it would be possible to craft a thread title and an opening post with a tonality of friendly curiosity, with an air of 'So, tell me!' Instead, there is a disclaimer needed: 'I do not mean this in a rude way.' It is the tonal equivalent of saying, 'No offence - but what's wrong with you?? Why are you posting on a mothers/parents forum?'

No it’s not that’s your interpretation. Presumably because that’s what you want to read into it.

The great thing about MN is that everyone has different skill sets. Would you prefer OP to run her posts by you first? Or would it be simpler for you to (and I repeat) “scroll on by”. I get the feeling it’s the third option where you (and others) get to accuse the OP of nefarious (love that word) intentions.

shallIswim · 10/05/2021 07:06

I popped on last night to ask a question in the Dementia/Alzheimers forum. And very useful the answers have been too.

I do have children. But they're grown up. I still use MN tho, even though they're no longer tied to my apron strings.

Brownteddybear · 10/05/2021 07:10

I despair of these types of threads that seem to come along with alarming frequency.

What a thoughtless and offensive question to keep asking.

Piglet89 · 10/05/2021 07:12

I’m a parent but I came to this site before I was a mother (and have found it pretty useful for stuff both parenting and non-parenting related). It’s brilliant for property stuff, for example.

I was telling my mum about it and how you can
Google most questions you have where a straightforward YouTube video doesn’t really help - where the best thing to get is a range of views on the matter. I asked my mum what she wanted to know (think it was something about furniture upholstery). I found 3 threads!

Piglet89 · 10/05/2021 07:13

Try it! Google “Mumsnet - [insert question]!

Faultymain5 · 10/05/2021 07:15

@Brownteddybear

I despair of these types of threads that seem to come along with alarming frequency.

What a thoughtless and offensive question to keep asking.

What an original response🥱

SoupDragon · 10/05/2021 07:16

It is my view that, if one genuinely wanted to know, it would be possible to craft a thread title and an opening post with a tonality of friendly curiosity, with an air of 'So, tell me!"

That is exactly what I got from the OP.

Instead, there is a disclaimer needed: 'I do not mean this in a rude way.'

Yes, because people put their own tone on it. Without that disclaimer it would still have got the snippy replies... probably more of them.

shallIswim · 10/05/2021 07:21

@Piglet89

Try it! Google “Mumsnet - [insert question]!

Actually you don't even have to type in Mumsnet and a question will often bring you straight here. For all the petty squabbles that break out here it is also stuffed full of experience and wisdom

wombatspoopcubes · 10/05/2021 07:22

@OwlBeThere

I think what the OP means is what attracted you to the site in the first place. Which is a perfectly valid question to wonder about. *@Wafflewombat* the OP isn’t othering you for being childless and hasn’t mentioned neurodivergence at all?

Cancel the cheque originally led me here and I stayed.

I do have a child now.

MephistophelesApprentice · 10/05/2021 07:29

I was on the fence about being a parent, and believed mumsnet would give me an honest view of what parenting is like.

My GP has recently completed my referral for a vasectomy and now I'm just waiting for a call from the urologist.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/05/2021 07:34

I love beans on toast too, can't stand soggy toast, I scoop the beans on the toast fold and munch.
@Marty13 give it a try.

Phineyj · 10/05/2021 07:43

Marty soggy bean toast is yummy! Anyway, if you use decent bread it will be up for the challenge. But you are missing the key ingredient, which is a thin layer of Marmite in-between. Mmmmm.

Re the OP: where else can you have a debate at any hour of the day and night with a load of intelligent women? (and a few men). That's got nothing to do with kids.

"Mumsnet" makes it sound innocuous so it stays under the radar.

8oClock · 10/05/2021 07:46

[quote Needawantaholiday]@Bagamoyo1 I always have to stop myself posting on doggy threads. Partly because I can’t stand the creatures. And secondly because I’ve never actually owned one. So would be purely speculating / talking a load of nonsense......in fact all of my answers would start with......Keep it on a short lead (multiple expletives) . So yes; annoying when people without kids give me kiddo advice....[/quote]
You don't have to have had your own children to be qualified to give advice, that seems like an unreasonable judgemental viewpoint.

What about child care professionals such as nannies, social workers, medical professionals, experienced family members like aunties/cousins who have lots of extended contact with children - would you disregard all and any of their advice simply because they haven't given birth?