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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never work full time. Ever!

300 replies

Egghead81 · 09/05/2021 11:35

I work three days a week.
Two primary children, almost secondary.
Child maintenance plus salary plus rental income from a buy to let means very comfortable but not “rolling it in” ie high end holidays but I’ll shop around relentlessly for best deal rather than just book without thinking; nice car but second hand; cash savings that would be sufficient to cover six months but were not talking hundreds of thousands!

I like my job but don’t love it. I do however LOVE my two days off. They feel like a mini holiday every time. I don’t want to lose that! Not even when children are teens and grown up.

Anyone else have absolutely no intention of ever going full time?! Even though with more money would more of everything you already afford or better (rather than actually adding anything if you see what I mean)

OP posts:
blueshoes · 09/05/2021 16:44

@Nancydrawn

I mean, congrats? You had a wealthy parent/grandparent and you married a wealthy man. Well done?

There doesn't seem to be an actual question here. Without one, it does seem like you're asking to be judged and then shocked that people are judging you.

Frankly, I don't particularly care what you do. I think it's foolish to do this without taking professional financial advice and saving a good pension, but if you want to live off of child maintenance and an inherited property, have at it. I would, however, try to avoid this emoji, Grin, if you're horribly offended at being called smug.

This says it all. 100% agree.
cupsofcoffee · 09/05/2021 16:49

[quote ThatIsMyPotato]@cupsofcoffee scary isn't it. Where will they all go? I hope they manage to change the policies as it is a scary thought that so many people wouldn't be able to afford a nice care home.[/quote]
No, it doesn't scare me at all to be honest.

The vast majority of people who spend their lives working full-time won't be in a better position than OP with regards to funding their own care.

The fact that 85% of people over 85% won't be in a care home anyway gives me even less of a reason to be scared or worried, lol.

BrendaLee · 09/05/2021 16:55

This thread has been making me think today. I’ve decided to talk to my boss tomorrow about condensing my hours into 4 days. I’m all excited now. Having a glass of wine to celebrate Grin

DietrichandDiMaggio · 09/05/2021 17:09

@Flowers500

Sorry but I think it’s a bit morally vile to live off your children when that money is supposed to be going on THEM. Presumably the child maintenance for the time of their uni or other further education is supposed to help THEM, not pay for you to sit around?!? So they’re going to going to uni and not get full loans due to parental income, but not get any money from home because you can’t be bothered to work?!? WOW.
Where do you get this from? Presumably the OP's earnings cover her personal outgoings; she's not earning fuck-all, spending the CM on herself, and making her kids go without. From what she says the household income, even without CM would not mean they were living on the breadline. When her children go to university and don't get the full loan, presumably she'll do what the rest of us do, and top it up out of household income. Why have you assumed she won't give them any money?
icedgem85 · 09/05/2021 17:14

I don’t understand the point? If you don’t need to work more hours to afford your lifestyle then why would that be unreasonable? Or did you just fancy showing off?

diamondpony80 · 09/05/2021 17:20

It's good to have six months worth of living expenses saved up, but what if you ever needed more? As much as I'd love a "mini holiday" every week I'm well aware that current circumstances could change at any time. What if for some reason you were no longer able to work? Or (God forbid) someone in your family got sick?

Personally, I want to help my children get started in life so if they want to start a business, get a 3rd level education, get married, buy a house etc. I will need substantial savings. I'm also thinking of potential healthcare costs for my parents in old age (in case they don't have enough), and of course down the line our own retirement.

So even though I can live comfortably right now, I don't think I could just take time off just for myself every week as I have my own and my family's futures to think about.

year5teacher · 09/05/2021 17:36

YANBU but you’ve basically just disagreed with anyone who thinks YABU so I have no idea why you have posted.

I don’t think BTL is inherently unethical I guess but it’s bloody annoying to be unable to save for a mortgage any time soon because a large chunk of my income (from FT work) goes on rent... which pays my landlord’s mortgage.

If I were you I’d probably want to work full time because you have no idea how long your situation will last, and with children you probably want more security. But it’s up to you.

toconclude · 09/05/2021 17:38

@MoiraNotRuby

I don't know if you mean to but you sound very smug. I don't think I could morally be a landlord and profit from my tenants. So I will carry on working full time - but enjoy your mini holiday....
Oh, give over. Landlords are needed, not everyone wants to owner occupy. You are not morally superior for not being one. And no, I'm not before you doubtless leap to conclusions.
cupsofcoffee · 09/05/2021 17:40

Personally, I want to help my children get started in life so if they want to start a business, get a 3rd level education, get married, buy a house etc. I will need substantial savings

OP's ex has already put substantial amounts aside for the DC.

I'm also thinking of potential healthcare costs for my parents in old age (in case they don't have enough), and of course down the line our own retirement

Why would you be expected to fund your parents' healthcare and retirement?

Of course you should fund your own retirement but you don't need to work full-time all your life in order to do that. Anyone can set up and pay into a private pension at any time.

Darbs76 · 09/05/2021 17:43

I started working full time again after 10yrs of part time due to ill health because of my pension. The maintenance will stop at some point too, but if you can afford it then why would you change?

IsItJustMeOrYou · 09/05/2021 17:48

Since the birth of our first child 33 years ago I have not worked full time. Once the children were in their teens I worked 3 days per week and still regret my missed time with them. I have always worked since then but mostly 3-days per week although I did have a period of 4-days for a short-while. I have really enjoyed my jobs (teacher) but my DH earned well and we made some good decisions. He retired mid 50s and I carried on 3-days per week. If you can do it then why not its a great life balance. I appreciate not everyone can do it.

Oblomov21 · 09/05/2021 18:30

The resentment for PT workers is shocking on this thread.
You get ribbed for how your Dh is carrying you?
I used to work 3, now 4, and upped my pension contributions long ago.

Mary46 · 09/05/2021 18:55

I have no longing to go back to ft. House runs smoother with one here. I do 20 hrs he ft. I have teens. One is working. Sod what others think. Im 48. Good luck op. Chased our tails for years.

drpet49 · 09/05/2021 19:07

* I mean, congrats? You had a wealthy parent/grandparent and you married a wealthy man. Well done?*

This

cupsofcoffee · 09/05/2021 19:11

@Oblomov21

The resentment for PT workers is shocking on this thread. You get ribbed for how your Dh is carrying you? I used to work 3, now 4, and upped my pension contributions long ago.
Competitive misery.

Nobody is allowed to have a good work-life balance if they don't!

Babyroobs · 09/05/2021 19:12

@Mary46

I have no longing to go back to ft. House runs smoother with one here. I do 20 hrs he ft. I have teens. One is working. Sod what others think. Im 48. Good luck op. Chased our tails for years.
I feel similar to you, have four kids all teens now and worked all hours when they were young trying to survive and pay the bills. Currently work 30 hours and feel that is enough. Ideally I would stay on four days but I'm currently applying for new jobs and they all seem to want full time so I am resigned to the fact i may have to go full time for a few years.
Mistressinthetulips · 09/05/2021 19:32

Lots of talk about what kind of pension will you have, what about care home fees, what if your ex stopped working or died.
What if the OP gets sick, or becomes disabled, or dies before retirement age? None of us know if we will ever get the benefits of retirement. If we can carve out some time to enjoy life in the here and now, it's worth considering.
And let's face it most women working part time are doing a hell of a lot of "work" in their time off anyway.

CovidCorvid · 09/05/2021 19:43

No we may not know for sure if we will ever get to enjoy retirement but we can try and ensure that if we do live long enough it will be financially comfortable.

Mary46 · 09/05/2021 19:46

I couldnt keep it all going babyroobs. I had covid after xmas and just couldnt keep chasing my tail. I know teens are older but hard run a home when we not here. I do agree loads places want FT people. I found it hard get part t when temping

Dustyhedge · 09/05/2021 19:52

This thread is odd. The other thread is full of people thinking the OP was mad for worrying about working full time. If you can manage and have a nice life, why wouldn’t you stay part time? The OP did sound a bit smug though.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 09/05/2021 20:09

you wont get maintenance for ever op

MrsTroutfire · 09/05/2021 21:32

As I said on the other thread, I think a large part of the derision comes from the fact that people know deep down that working PT is largely a female privilege, and it flies in the face of true equality (because in most cases it's facilitated by a man working FT in a well paid job).

That said, I still think people should do what suits them as an individual or couple and I'd probably do the same.

FazeleysRoyale · 09/05/2021 22:14

It's all about the work-life balance, and avoiding burnout.

I am a professional in a health-allied profession. I dropped to 3 days when I had first child, then increased to 4 days, and have stayed there ever since. I have recently increased my hours to 30 hours ( from 26) because I was asked by manager whether I would, I agreed as am no longer doing the school run now DC are aged 22 and 19. I would never want to increase my days. I earn more than my DH who is self-employed.

I have had stints where I have done locum work combined with PT job. Sometimes I would work two 6 day weeks back to back with only Sunday off in-between. I don't recommend it. I haven't done that for the past 8 years, and wouldn't have the energy now.

If you can afford it OP stay part time. It's probably better for your mental health.

YankeeDad · 09/05/2021 23:17

@MrsTroutfire
working PT is largely a female privilege, and it flies in the face of true equality (because in most cases it's facilitated by a man working FT in a well paid job).

I think it's also worth saying that for a man, working FT in a well paid job, while also having children, is in many if not most cases facilitated by a woman who is working PT or is a SAHM or is at the very least the "available parent" for a child who is ill or has a school trip or an activity that requires daytime presence of a parent or caregiver.

That does not make it wrong for all people or couples. Nor does it mean that the FT worker is necessarily getting the better deal. But I think it's worth mentioning.

partyatthepalace · 10/05/2021 00:10

Am glad you are happy, but there is no point to this thread and it’s tactless given so many people are having a rough time right now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread